Gov'ner For Pres'dent's topics - tribe.net

skull & bones

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 06:37:24 GMT

2008

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 3 replies

Barr McClellan

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 03:42:12 GMT

http://conservativepoint.tribe.net/thread/6ce70b7d-c97b-46bc-ae29-f9fb7bf0272b

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 2 replies

Why did Satan leave?

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 14:19:01 GMT

Was there too much peace, love and understanding happenin' here?

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 55 replies

no troll zone

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 13:56:05 GMT

I've concluded that no popular tribe for political discussion remains worth a damn for long because they either fall to idea censorship by the moderator or trollish behavior by the members. I've never yet seen a moderator do anything productive. They either do nothing or use censorship to defend cronies and boot those who would challenge them. And if someone tries to combat the entrenched trolls, they are the one who gets booted, not the entrenched troublemakers.

I began my "Satan" tribe identity as an anti-troll, about two years ago. I gave trolls and tribe bullies dose of their own medicine, figuring that my legal mind, sharp tongue and persistance could undo or unnerve them. It worked from time to time, but it is a losing effort. And in the process, I became a tribe identity who was often no better than the trolls I set out to destroy. By using a variation of their same tactics, I became one of them. It was an interesting learning experience, but ultimately a failure.

A lot of the trolling is done by people who don't think of themselves as trolls. They use their real identities, but they troll like hell. So what if you are not an alt? If you call people names and make inflammatory statements, you are a troll.

So I am hoping to start a politics tribe where name calling and trolling and similar TOU violations are not allowed, but ideas of any kind are allowed. I would like to start a tribe where any enforcement of the rule is done fairly, without the influence or bias or personal agenda of the moderator or any other person. It is not easy to be fair, but I think my legal training gives me an edge on that.

Hopefully the free flow ideas will keep it interesting. What keeps most tribes interesting is the drama that comes from flamming and trolling. I would like to see if we can have a tribe that is interesting because of the ideas expressed and the arguments made. Without the name calling.

I am not that optimistic. I've tried this before, using my real identity, but the membership never reached critical mass. But I am willing to give it a try. Maybe I can use my notorious Satan alt for some good for this purpose by attracting more people such a tribe.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 22 replies

Your days is numbered, Satan

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 16:55:24 GMT

Pastor told me Satan will lose in the end. I just found further proof 'o this in this here article by a feller named Deepak Chopra, or somethin'.

SATAN LEAVES THE SCENE
Deepak Chopra
Huffington Post
1.20.06

If you Google the phrase "Americans believe in heaven," you find that about 90 percent do, with 75 percent believing in hell and 70 percent in the devil. Those statistics remain fairly uniform from poll to poll; it's strange that there's a drop off between heaven and hell since the two go together.

However, it seems possible that believing in the devil is a matter of having nothing better to put in his place. Evil so perplexes people that attributing it to a cosmic Prince of Darkness provides some explanation at least. It saves the trouble of taking responsibility for it ourselves.

As a practical matter Satan is all but useless. The number of people who have met him or been possessed by him is minuscule. After coming back from near-death experiences, only a small fraction of reports picture hell and its torments; the vast majority experience a benign light and feel a divine presence. Perhaps this is a sign that Satan is withering away --over 85 percent of Americans say that they expect to go to heaven, and fear of hell isn't used so intensely by religion to frighten children anymore.

Despite the prominent place that sin and the devil occupies in fundamentalism of every stripe, Satan has been evolving over the years. Theologians have variously described him as an archetype, myth, psychological projection, and a symptom of guilt and shame. It is indisputable that Satan rises and falls according to changing conditions in society.

Satan becomes more real under the following conditions:

--People feel they deserve punishment instead of healing.
--A culture believes in the Satan myth.
--Believers pay attention to that myth and give it value.
--Guilt is projected outward on to demons instead of healed inside.
--Wrong-doing accumulates without a means for finding forgiveness, atonement, or purification.
--Children are put in fear of demons and told that they have power.

Satan becomes less real under the following conditions:

--People feel they deserve healing instead of punishment.
--A culture is aware of how myths are made.
--People are self-aware and take responsibility for their own emotions.
--There is a belief in forgiveness, healing, and atonement.
--Outlets for negative energies are found (through therapy, sports, open dialogue, healthy family dynamics, education, etc.)
--Children are not conditioned to believe in demons ad other external enemies.
--Society promotes the evolution of consciousness.

By these standards one can say that modern America is moving further away from Satan, as it has been for a century. Perhaps that sounds too optimistic given the prevalence of fundamentalism in the churches, but I take heart that dying people no longer tremble at the prospect of meeting Satan and that those who come back from near-death experiences haven't met him. Slim evidence, I know, but promising.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 5 replies

Whatever Happened to Satan?

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 22:07:31 GMT

He no longer appears in the member list.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 44 replies

Stoned

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 08:05:42 GMT

The gov'ner was seen back stage at a Mike Huckabee rally, pissing in the drinks and farting every time Huckabee walked past.

Rumor has it he was stoned.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 7 replies

Polls

Sat, 22 Dec 2007 06:36:34 GMT

After the last debate, the Gov'ner's position in the polls rose 0.1%.

He is now at 0.3%.

Not bad considering he showed up at the last debate completely sloshed and spent the entire debate sitting in the back of the auditorium, heckling the front runners and yelling "don't taser me, bro."

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 5 replies

you people

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 08:12:31 GMT

made me this way
it is all your fault
you are the oppressor
i am the victim

everyone has it easy
'cept for me
you took everything I ever had
now you must pay

I have contacted the FBI

I have contacted the State Bar.

I have contacted the TOU GUY.

I have it all saved on my computer

you are a shiney object

you are no longer useful to me

Would you like to chat?

it's not my fault
my mother died last year
I was drunk when I sent that message

I never sent that message

you are a liar!

Damn you!

You stop.
Just stop it!

I know who you are, where you live.
I watch you all day
I follow you everywhere you go.

I have saved every word you have ever written.

I have sex to those words.

with myself

i faked my orgasims anyhow
you bastard

you cannot please me.

people are shiney objects

they do not feel pain

only I feel pain.

my pain!

My pain is real

you are a shiney object.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 6 replies

True love will find you in the end

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 05:58:07 GMT

http://tribes.tribe.net/askauntbea/thread/a8e891fe-6d29-412b-8f50-54f36c2a2942?newpostingid=22a3fddd-6f39-484f-9b5f-e49e845727e4#22a3fddd-6f39-484f-9b5f-e49e845727e4

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 0 replies

Satan is gay

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 07:05:55 GMT

Deal.

http://tribes.tribe.net/satansclubhouse

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 0 replies

Why be an alt ?

unsubscribed! — Sun, 01 Jul 2007 01:20:21 GMT

http://tribes.tribe.net/post_a_secret
1. Make an alt
2. Post a secret

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 19 replies

Gov'ner seen glad handing in Iowa

Thu, 09 Aug 2007 01:16:19 GMT

The gov'ner is reportedly glad handing primary voters and fund raisin' in Iowa, and when no one is looking, he is sneaking around to the back of the barn to deflower those nasty little farm girl Lolitas.

"Ain't nothin' as tight and sweet as them corn-fed junior high farm girl sluts', says the Gov'ner. When the microphone is off, that is.

I always caution the gov'ner that you can't be talkin' or even thinkin' that way in this day and age, but damnit, he won't change.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 11 replies

Hello! I am Efrit Mbotu!

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 01:43:11 GMT

Efrit Mbotu! I am happy to meet you, dear!

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 5 replies

Gov'ner sighting

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:10:53 GMT

the gov'ner was spotted in a trailer park in central Arkansas over the weekend.

A couple of Harley's were parked in front.

The gov'ner was seen speeding away in a 1975 Camero.

Last anyone heard, he was heading for Oklahoma.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 4 replies

New here

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 23:12:49 GMT

I am new here and I am not at all clear on what is exactly your purpose or agenda.

I do believe that governers are well qualified to run for president and would like to vote fore a governor for president in the next election.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 7 replies

Satan, Yo, Hellooooo

jonny — Wed, 23 Aug 2006 03:15:29 GMT

Yup,
We got trouble:
http://www.armorofgodpjs.com/

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 7 replies

Bullshit Texas impersonation

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 03:46:18 GMT

Here is TRUE's attempt an alt from Texas

http://people.tribe.net/1d9a90cb-d1d0-4a84-b9db-65c0cf93e904

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 0 replies

Gov'ner to announce 2008 bid for president

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 03:30:56 GMT

Only question now, who will be his running mate?

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 8 replies

Christian Trolls Fund

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 20:49:03 GMT

With only a few replies a day, you can feed a starving troll. Won't you help?

We are one of the oldest and most respected troll charities. 80% of all replies go directly to feeding the starving trolls.

For just a few replies a day, you can make all the difference in a needy troll's life. With your sponsorship, we will send you a link to the hungry troll who you have sponsored.

Won't you help now by sponsoring a needy troll?

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 0 replies

vote for moderator

Wed, 15 Mar 2006 18:54:59 GMT

okay, enough fooling around. Cast your vote for moderator.

This thread will be forwarded to Tribe, so keep it short and intelligible, okay?

I nominate the Gov'ner.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 245 replies

Election Day is coming

sluggo_von_hoth — Sun, 05 Nov 2006 04:49:24 GMT

And so what's new? I haint been such a great moderator but I just discovered part of my back is missing.

I blame the aliens, or the Republicans. They took it. The part of my back that is missing, that's what they took.

So what do we do next? Find some ringer or rout Gov'ner out of his bolthole? Or how about we just run his pants as a candidate?

Inquiring minds want to know.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 12 replies

The Gov'ner called me the other night

Sat, 14 Oct 2006 17:59:51 GMT

He had obviously been drinking. Probably his usual -- Jack and branch. He was all boo-hooey, all apologetic about those hundreds of hookers he took up with on those trips to Honduras. And how sorry he was about the chlamydia. He begged to be let back in to my good graces.

He does this about once a quarter. This time I told what I tell him every time: He needs to find a good psychotherapist. And stop stalking me.

The old peckerwood. I think I will see my lawyer about a restraining order.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 4 replies

Obey me

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 04:07:38 GMT

in the Gov'ner's absence.

We will convene in New Orleans.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 22 replies

Elvis has left the building

Thu, 14 Sep 2006 00:10:56 GMT

I am gonna leave y'all to your own thing on this particular tribe for the time being. The go'vner's gone and this tribe just makes me too sad to thing about it.

Most of you know where to find me if you need some advice, some abuse, someone to abuse, or are interested in selling your soul. If not, if you still don't know, I can always be found at Satan's Headshop.

Of course, if you don't care, then you can pull down yer briches, git down on yer hands and knees, spread your legs and...... oh, why bother. You know what to do.

via con doritos

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 1 reply

unworthy

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 02:30:36 GMT

you people are unworthy of the gov'ner!

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 5 replies

True believers

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 22:36:02 GMT

You people just do not believe in the gov'ner hard enough.

If you really believe, he will come back.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 4 replies

confession

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 01:28:04 GMT

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 0 replies

important notice

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 14:58:42 GMT

"Pull down your pants. Undies, too. Yeah, that's it. Now bend over. Now get down on your hands and knees..."

Just seeing if y'all are paying attention. Just as I thought, y'all are sleeping on the job again. No, you didn't miss anything. It was just a test. Okay, you slackers can go back to sleep now. Go back to your naps.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 8 replies

gov'ner sighting

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 23:22:19 GMT

At a Starbucks in Dallas, Texas.

Stoned.

With a tired looking crack whore on his arm.

They called the police, but the gov'ner split before they arrived.

He did not pay for his coffee.

He ordered a "large coffee, black."

The barrista or whatever kept asking him if he wanted a "tall, vente or grande" and all that kind of happy horseshit.

The gov'ner said "black coffee, large, make it strong."

They replied "latte, cappucino, or Americano?"

At this point, the gov'ner got violent. He said "I want a goddamned cup of joe and I ain't gonna talk Mexican or Italian or any other dagburned foreign language to order it, kid, now git ma coffee before I kick yer commie ass!"

so they called the police. There is an incident report, but no charges filed.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 0 replies

12axj9 - cod.en

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 18:35:53 GMT

أنت مدعو دوما لكي تضيف كل ما هو مفيد لأي مقال بشرط الابتعاد عن التحيز و التزام الموضوعية , في حال تعدد الآراء في القضية عبر عن رأيك بشكل غير قاطع. يمكنك ان تناقش ما يرد في المقالات من اجل تعديلها في صفحات النقاش لكن رجاء لا تحذف كل رأي لا تعتقد به و لا ترى صوابه , ويكيبيديا لعرض كافة الآراء و المعلومات و ليست ساحة عقائدية أو مذهبية , اذا وجدت رأيا لم يعجبك ضع الرأي الآخر و ادعمه بالشواهد و المصادر

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 11 replies

Gov'ner sighting reported in Petra

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 02:31:02 GMT

Three weeks ago. The Gov'ner was sighted riding a camel in a tour of the ancient Nabatian ruins of Petra, in Jordan.

We have authentication.

Reportedly, he had a camera around his neck and was taking pictures like a tourist. It is also reported that he wore Burmuda shorts, a long sleeve tee shirt, a hankerchief around his neck and a tan colored cowboy hat on his head.

Confirmed: Gov'ner sighted in Tel Aviv two weeks ago, at the King David Hotel, in the lobby, talking to some suspicious looking characters.

Unconfirmed: The Gov'ner in Beruit, yesterday.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 8 replies

Radio

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 17:58:55 GMT

http://www.upstartradio.com/Internet%20Radio%20Broadcast.html

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 1 reply

Go'vner checked into Shoal Creek

Wed, 17 May 2006 06:47:49 GMT

The Gov'ner checked himself into Shoal Creek in Austin, TX today. It is a nice, private facility for mental patients.

I don't think he'll be on Tribe for awhile.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 43 replies

Booty

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 15:31:08 GMT

Exactly what is booty?

Where can I find some, and how can I get me some booty?

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 8 replies

screw you, we're from Texas

Mon, 03 Jul 2006 05:42:56 GMT

SCREW YOU, WE'RE FROM TEXAS

Ray Wylie Hubbard

I got on my cowboy boots, jeans
And Hawaiian shirt, mirrored sunglasses
And a mobile phone
I guess I look like some Port Aransas
Dope dealer that's out on bail
Just trying to get home
Well I ain't in jail and I got me a guitar
Got a little band that's hotter than a rocket
Sometimes we're sloppy
We're always loud, tonight we're just ornery
And locked in the pocket

So screw you, we're from Texas
Screw you, we're from Texas
Screw you, we're from Texas
We're from Texas baby, so screw you

Now I love the USA
And the other states
Ahh, they're OK
Texas is the place I wanna be
And I don't care if I ever go to Delaware anyway
Cause we got Stubbs, and Gruene Hall and Antone's, and John T's
Country Store
We've got Willie and Jacky Jack, Robert Earl, Pat, Cory, Charlie and me
And so many more.

So screw you, we're from Texas
Screw you, we're from Texas
Screw you, we're from Texas
We're from Texas, screw you

Sing it with me--
Screw you, we're from Texas
Screw you, we're from Texas
Screw you, we're from Texas
We're from Texas, screw you!

Now Texas has gotten a bad reputation,
Because of what happened in Dallas and Waco
And our corporations well they are corrupt
And the politicians are swindlers and loco
But when it comes to music my friend
I believe these words are as true as St. John the Revelator's
Our Mr. Vaughan was the best that there ever was
And no band was cooler than the 13th Floor Elevators.

So screw you, we're from Texas
Screw you, we're from Texas
Screw you, we're from Texas
We're from Texas, screw you!

Screw you, we're from Texas
Screw you, we're from Texas
Screw you, we're from Texas
We're from Texas Screw you

Screw you, we're from Texas
Screw you, we're from Texas
Screw you, we're from Texas
We're from Texas Screw you

We're from Texas Screw you...

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 0 replies

papa

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 05:42:09 GMT

I called the gov'ner "papa."

What did you call him?

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 2 replies

I'm baAack!

Gonzo — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 06:00:11 GMT

And I can tell by the craters in the sidewalk that ya missed me! Aside from your aim not improving, how the hell is everyone?

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 6 replies

I'm bored

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 08:50:15 GMT

I'm thinking of unsubscribing. I am bored with Tribe.

Anyone want to be the gov'ner?

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 12 replies

Schlong

Wed, 12 Apr 2006 04:45:02 GMT

I've got a pecker as big and as hard as a bois d'arc fence post.

Just saying.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 28 replies

fuck you

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 05:11:01 GMT

yeah.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 4 replies

porn

Mon, 17 Apr 2006 05:42:07 GMT

Aw understand the enter-net is used fer looking at nakid women pictures.

Kin we somehow harness its power for politics?

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 5 replies

HEEEEEEE!!

tedschram — Wed, 05 Apr 2006 19:42:18 GMT

HEE HEE HEE HEEEEEEEE!

EHEHEHEEE EEE EEE EEE!!

EEEEE!
!!! E!
HEEEEE!

EH EH EH EH EH EH EH EH EH EH EH EH EH EH EH !!!

HEE HEE HEE!
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 15 replies

Congratulations Sluggo!

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 18:24:20 GMT

The Gov'ner's campaign and the management of this tribe could not be in more capable and linguistically nimble hands.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 20 replies

Getting started

sluggo_von_hoth — Mon, 27 Mar 2006 18:37:06 GMT

I just found out this a.m. that I been elected because there was a note from "TOU Guy" to that effect. No instructions on how to drive this thing but I assume it's got manual transmission, so that shouldn't be a problem. Anyhow, I don't know doodley about most of the schematics but figured the first order of business would be to jump head-first into the campaign for getting Gov'ner elected Pres'dent, that being the name of this Tribe, and I had a couple of ideas to submit for your approval:

1. A $2,000-a-plate "Fish and Goose Soiree"; Jack Nicholson has expressed interest in the concept and says he'll bring some of his friends or at least a couple of good-looking call girls in little black dresses.

2. "Corsicana Debs for Gov'ner" will tie into the Texas Cotillion season. The Debutantes of 2006 will be introduced this May at an Announcement Tea at Corsicana Country Club, conveniently located inside the Collin Street Bakery. After which, the young ladies will be honored at teas, parties and socials throughout the summer months as well as the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, all the while spreading the word about Gov. The highlight of the debutante season, the annual Presentation Ball, would be spotlighted by a personal appearance of our honorable candidate, providing Gov'ner would be willing to do this sort of thing. Hanging out and mingling with a roomful of skittish debutantes would be a good test of how he'd handle Congress, and it takes a strong man to be able to deal with either. Sponsorship tie-ins and promotional considerations would be a major factor. We could look at it as being similar to owning and running a racehorse, except these debutantes move faster and drink more.

3. Come to think of it, sponsoring a racehorse isn't a bad idea either, or better yet, a horse RACE. A "Run for the Gov'ner" event with special clubhouse privileges for high-rollers would bring in some cash. Does Gov'ner have any horses? If all the horses in the race were his, he'd get some money no matter what.

At any rate, please tell me what you think, and add your own ideas and suggestions for various fundraising and public-relations events.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 41 replies

U.S. kids are so fat car seats have to be re-designed

James Hussein — Mon, 03 Apr 2006 11:25:56 GMT

Gov,ner, let's get back to the issues. What are you going to do about all the piggie kids in this country?

Obesity epidemic hits child safety seats

CHICAGO (AP) _ Research shows the nation's obesity epidemic is having a wider-ranging impact.

A new study says many young children are too heavy for standard car-safety seats and manufacturers are starting to make heftier models to accommodate them.

Researchers find that more than a quarter (m) million American children ages one to six are heavier than the weight limits for standard car seats. And most of those are three-year-olds who weigh more than 40 pounds.

Lead author Lara Trifiletti (trif-ah-LEHT'-ee) says researchers became interested in the topic when they saw children "who were very obese" and that "car-seat technicians were having a hard time finding car seats to fit them."

Using inadequate car seats could put them at increased risk for injury in an accident.

The study appears in the April edition of Pediatrics.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 6 replies

C'mon down to th' Wingding!

Junior Samples (dec.) — Fri, 31 Mar 2006 21:36:11 GMT

We iz cely-bratin' our own deer Sluggo's momentoos vict'ry down at th' ol' Triple-H!

http://heehaw.tribe.net/

Grab yerself sum dadgum Chateau Lafitte Rothschild '61 an' lissen to th' music an' git ROWDY!

*glug*

Ah'm Junior Samples (dec.) an' muh dang heart exploded in 1983. Thank yew.

*URP*

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 7 replies

Mr. Gorbachev

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 05:33:28 GMT

Tear down this tribe.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 3 replies

Poontang & Politics

Sat, 25 Mar 2006 21:41:12 GMT

http://tribes.tribe.net/govnerpresdent

Ah done renamed my other tribe as such. It ain't no longer called "The Gov'ner fer President." That's wot this heyaw tribe is fer.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 23 replies

then photos

Wed, 29 Mar 2006 22:47:16 GMT

Them photos of me standin' in the front yard of the gov'ner's mansion in the middle of the night, attired only in ma underwear, with a bottle a Jack Daniels one hand and ma scholong in the other as I take a leak on the Jefferson Davis statue are a fraud and a fake. That's whatcha call them there photoshops or what all.

Yew just gotta knows it's a fake. And aw kin prove it! Aw don't stock ma bar at the mansion with Jack Daniels. Aw prefer Makers Mark or Knob Creek, or Jameson. Aw got refined tastes in whiskey.

'cept when aw am drinkin' moonshine with them good ol' boys like Virgil. And yew don't see no jug of XXX or Virgil anywheres in that photo, now does ya?

Aw sense Karl Rove is behind this.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 3 replies

Independent candidacy

Sat, 25 Mar 2006 05:46:54 GMT

Folks, aw kin no longer run under this party's banner and aw kin no longer support this heyaw tribe. It is infested with communists and TOU snitches.

Aw am proud to announce ma bid fer president as an ind'pendent.

Yew kin join ma new polit'cal partee at:

http://tribes.tribe.net/f32a135a-084b-4658-955e-6515b76847a5

Vote fer Gov'ner. Vote early. Vote often.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 22 replies

virgil

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 04:23:01 GMT

Virgil needs some work done on his ears. I am collecting donations. I accept paypal, visa, mastercard, AMEX and Discover. Contact me privately with your account number, exp date, security code, billing address and amount of donation.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 8 replies

Jane lives!

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 06:29:44 GMT

http://people.tribe.net/00a670ee-b804-49d4-84d8-dcadb1332d83?_click_path=Application%5Btribe%5D.Person%5B00a670ee-b804-49d4-84d8-dcadb1332d83%5D

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 3 replies

Back by popular demand

Sat, 25 Mar 2006 21:35:16 GMT

Aw accept my party's nomination as cand'date for gov'ner.

As fer mod'rator and campaign man'ger, just pick someone, damnit. Sluggo is okay with me.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 8 replies

Hi, I'm a new member

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 22:20:53 GMT

My dad told me about Tribe, and said if I ever joined I should surf over to this tribe. Like, dude, I'm really bummed out that he left Tribe and then died. Now I'm an orphan, and like, I am totally wiped.

But anyway, I'm here and glad to know you dudes (and dudettes). Dad said you were his favorites.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 43 replies

I done heard

Thu, 23 Mar 2006 23:20:37 GMT

I done heard that some of yew boys wanta turn this into "Troll v. Troll."

Aw cain't abide by that. Yew dew what you want. Aw kin always start ma own campaign tribe elsewhere. Aw ain't beholden to nobody 'cept for a few generous Arab businessmen. The rest of yew can kiss ma ass if yew just wanna play troll v. troll.

I done warned you once, right heaw and naw. Aw ain't gonna warn ya twice.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 1 reply

I AM YOUR GOD

Mon, 20 Mar 2006 18:18:42 GMT

http://tribes.tribe.net/janeisgod

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 8 replies

Tegucigalpa

Thu, 16 Mar 2006 19:49:45 GMT

I done spent the last month down in Tegucigalpa in the finest w..... house in all of Central America. Yer American dollar goes far down there and I had me a time f...... ... .. ..... ...... Them young, brownskinned beauties bring out the beast in me, ah tell you what. Puts fire in my loins. In France, they call that a menage a twat or something like that. And ah had a whole lot of that good Honduras rum. Ah think one of them little Mayan beauties gave me the clap but ah got me a doctor in Del Rio who took care of that before I crossed back into Texas.

Anyhow, ah done recharged ma batteries, so to speak, and am ready to git down to the bidnes of fund raising.

This microphone ain't on, is it?

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 3 replies

Satan of Tribe II

JimiMod — Tue, 28 Feb 2006 18:34:22 GMT

Alrighty then. Here's where we're at thus far:

Name: PPiddle / Premium, Cherry, and Joe

Uses:
Refreshment
Mind Altering Drug
Sex Aid
Athlete's Foot Cure
Herpes Cure
Many undiscovered uses - Lab still hard at work.

Contents: pee

Who's notes are different than mine? I can't be everywhere you know.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 102 replies

Perhaps I can be of some assistance

Bill — Sun, 12 Mar 2006 23:06:44 GMT

I have some experience in these matters and am willing to offer my services as a consultant. My prices are very reasonable, and I might be willing to waive my standard fee should the Gov'ner see fit to supply me with the company of 5 or 10 attractive, discreet women.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 12 replies

Battle of New Orleans

Wed, 15 Mar 2006 18:57:38 GMT

I hear tell this is one of the gov'ner's fav'rite songs:

In 1814 we took a little trip
Along with Colonel Jackson down the mighty Mississip.
We took a little bacon and we took a little beans
And we caught the bloody British in the town of New Orleans.

[Chorus:]
We fired our guns and the British kept a'comin.
There wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago.
We fired once more and they began to runnin' on
Down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.

We looked down the river and we see'd the British come.
And there must have been a hundred of'em beatin' on the drum.
They stepped so high and they made the bugles ring.
We stood by our cotton bales and didn't say a thing.

[Chorus]

Old Hickory said we could take 'em by surprise
If we didn't fire our muskets 'til we looked 'em in the eye
We held our fire 'til we see'd their faces well.
Then we opened up with squirrel guns and really gave 'em ... well

[Chorus]

Yeah, they ran through the briars and they ran through the brambles
And they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn't go.
They ran so fast that the hounds couldn't catch 'em
Down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico

We fired our cannon 'til the barrel melted down.
So we grabbed an alligator and we fought another round.
We filled his head with cannon balls, and powdered his behind
And when we touched the powder off, the gator lost his mind.

[Chorus]

Yeah, they ran through the briars and they ran through the brambles
And they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn't go.
They ran so fast that the hounds couldn't catch 'em
Down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 8 replies

gov'ner's hunting trip

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 07:50:18 GMT

I hear the gov'ner just got back from a South Texas hunting trip.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 13 replies

Satan of Tribe

Sat, 28 Jan 2006 02:57:42 GMT

has left the building.

If you want to get a message to him, I can let him know you called.

Shalom.

-Jesus

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 84 replies

It's been a tough time for Curious George

Mystylplx — Wed, 15 Feb 2006 15:11:20 GMT

http://today.reuters.com/news/newsArticle.aspx?type=domesticNews&storyID=2006-02-09T192907Z_01_N09388835_RTRUKOC_0_US-CRIME-SHALLECK.xml

My condolences.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 20 replies

horny drunk cheerleader gets double penetration from gym coach and math teacher

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 20:56:34 GMT

Asian teenage whore gets cream pie with uncles.

Sex starved soccer mom sucks and fucks son's team in back of minivan.

Hot lesbian action with dildo cam.

*Click here to be removed from this email list.

You can't escape porn spam, not even in this Tribe.

But seriously, the subject line sounds just like your typical Friday night at the gov'ner's mansion. Just substitute gov'ner and secretary of state for gym coach and math teacher.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 6 replies

Turkish Altar Boys with Mushroom Fetish and Sweaty Legs

sluggo_von_hoth — Fri, 03 Feb 2006 00:50:50 GMT

Let's see how this works: what links are automatically generated at the bottom of the page. I originally did "Turkish Altar Boys in Plaid Miniskirts." That yielded a bunch of ads about plaid skirts, and it was rather tame, so I deleted it and started afresh.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 35 replies

What happened to the Gov'ners face?

Mystylplx — Sat, 11 Feb 2006 13:51:04 GMT

It might prove difficult to get him elected without a face. I suspect some voters may be a little reluctant to vote for a faceless candidate. People are bigoted in that way.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 21 replies

new mod'rator

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 01:36:05 GMT

Top Ramen endorses The Gov'ner to be the mod'rator.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 82 replies

Herpes Cure Creditted to Gov’s Camp

Goofaman — Thu, 09 Feb 2006 17:40:39 GMT

AP

For Immediate Release

Dr. Irwin Stanton today stated, from the PPiddle Laboratories in Scranton, Illinois, that the initial batch of a commercial drink developed within the confines of the Gov’ner for Pres’dent organization has indeed turned out to be a cure for the dreaded Herpes. While still in the early stages of development, an element was isolated which was named Mplx-1, which incidentally was only going to be the base of the first batch of the product.

“We lucked out on this deal,”said Dr. Stanton

Dr. Stanton has yet to duplicate Mplx-1 and fears that it’s complexity may mean that it’s replication may be years in the future.

“We’ve really got to figure out just how strong this shit is before we start sprayin it on people’s peepees,” Dr. Stanton said in a late night interview at the PPidle Lab.

The FDA could not be reached for comment.

===========================================

Who’d uh thunk PPiddle would deeliver up a headline fer the Gov’ner. Shit Fire!

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 15 replies

Our new product! Handcrafted with pride in America!

sluggo_von_hoth — Sat, 04 Feb 2006 03:36:30 GMT

Be the first to sign up for a monthly supply of PPiddle, the all-natural drink which contains a bountiful load of nature's goodness and comes in handy foil bags for easy consumption and transportation. Our campaign is soon to kick off with a national advertising campaign: "Hey Whiz Kids! What's in YOUR juice bag?"

One daily bag of PPiddle gives you the following essential nutrients and components necessary to handle today's busy lifestyle while maintaining optimal health! Take a looksee at all the goodies you can expect in your daily jolt:

Alanine, total ..... 38 mg/day
Arginine, total ..... 32 mg/day
Ascorbic acid ..... 30 mg/day
Allantoin ..... 12 mg/day
Amino acids, total ..... 2.1 g/day
Bicarbonate ..... 140 mg/day
Biotin ..... 35 mg/day
Calcium ..... 23 mg/day
Creatinine ..... 1.4 mg/day
Cystine ..... 120 mg/day
Dopamine ..... 0.40 mg/day
Epinephrine ..... 0.01 mg/day
Folic acid ..... 4 mg/day
Glucose ..... 100 mg/day
Glutamic acid ..... 308 mg/day
Glycine ..... 455 mg/day
Inositol ..... 14 mg/day
Iodine ..... 0.25 mg/day
Iron ..... 0.5 mg/day
Lysine, total ..... 56 mg/day
Magnesium ..... 100 mg/day
Manganese ..... 0.5 mg/day
Methionine, total ..... 10 mg/day
Nitrogen, total ..... 15 g/day
Ornithine ..... 10 mg/day
Pantothenic acid ..... 3 mg/day
Phenylalanine ..... 21 mg/day
Phosphorus, organic .....9 mg/day
Potassium ..... 2.5 mg/day
Proteins, total ..... 5 mg/day
Riboflavin ..... 0.9 mg/day
Tryptophan, total ..... 28 mg/day
Tyrosine, total ..... 50 mg/day
Urea ..... 24.5 mg/day
Vitamin B6 ..... 100 mg/day
Vitamin B12 ..... 0.03 mg/day
Zinc ..... 1.4 mg/day

And as we've pointed out, it's completely all-natural, straight from the source: Mother Nature. So remember: it's called PPiddle. The extra P is for...well, you get the idea.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 33 replies

"Piddle " Pushes Buttons / Moderator Flees in Disgust

Goofaman — Sat, 04 Feb 2006 01:29:42 GMT

The "Satan of Tribe" thread taint no longer wif us. Some derned yella belly flagged it and had it removed by them TOU fellers. Shame on whoever done it cuz it pissed ole Curious Jim oft so dad-blamed bad he done run oft and quit Tribe in the altogether. Now we needs us a new Moderater.

Hell, last time we went through this it was like a bunch uh dawgs on a rack of ribs that fell ofn the grill.

Too bad sumbuddy's sense uh humor done broke. That thread was mighty damn funny.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 24 replies

Gov'ner announces bid fer pres'dent

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 15:01:49 GMT

Aw am the Gov'ner, y'all know me.

I am heyaw today to announce ma bid fer pres'dent.

Aw am gonna run as an ind'pendant cause them Republicans and Democrats is rascals.

There's free BBQ, hep you'selves. BBQ for every man, woman and child. If yew is something other than a man, woman or child, we got free BBQ fer yew, too. Or tofu dogs, prob'lee more yer style in that case. We'll we are gonna be a party of inclusion. Ever'one is welcome. Even yew tofu dog eaters. But aw recommend the BBQ, aw really do. So come on down.

Remember:

"Vote Gov'ner, vote early, vote often, vote fer BBQ"

I am the Gov'ner and aw approved this message.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 20 replies

Tired of the SECRETS, Tired of the LIES

Goofaman — Sun, 29 Jan 2006 13:20:43 GMT

When has he steered us wrong? When, name me oncet I ask ye, has our cigarette smoking Chimp associate ever, and I mean EVER, put hissef before this political party, whateveh the hell party it happened to be that day? Curious Jim has been a Chimp of the people for narry 6 weeks now and I believe his livin through two of the gol-durndest campaign start-ups in hiss-toe-ree and endin up flat on his ass, jobless, and nevah oncet sayin a damned word about hissef, says somethin ‘bout uh man... uh ... Chimp. That there’s the Chimp I want flippin ashes on the floor o thu Oval Office, an ifn ya’ll let er spin round yer haid fer uh spell ya might see what I’m sayin. These other yahoos are comin to the table with a shitload uh baggage friends! And where is CJ’s baggage? Where are Curious Jim’s wanna-be manroot sucklers or impregnated island wimin or pocket fulls o dirty oil money or his trophy wife that’ll take all his holdins afore he’s even cold in the groun? Hell - he ain’t even played daid thet I knows uv!

I’m just sayin; we got us a clean monkey here. He’s smart, he ain’t flung no crap that I seen, he keeps us all updated on current eevints - hell, I preciate thet bout ‘im. When wuz the last time the Gov’ner even bothered to tell ya where in thu hail he’s at?!

I'm hereby startin the "Draft the Monkey Movement." Let’s toss this Chimp a rope and a tire, and see ifn he makes hissef a swing!

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 4 replies

I killed the gov'ner

Sun, 29 Jan 2006 05:52:39 GMT

And now I will take my own life.

At the stroke of midnight.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 6 replies

Satan Can't Take the Heat!

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 17:57:41 GMT

The very last of my illusions have been shattered.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 23 replies

The Gov'ner's Platform?

Sat, 28 Jan 2006 17:42:58 GMT

Gov'ner, it's time you stood up and told us what you stood for!

Here's an idea: Reinstate funding for the Superconducting Super Collider (which the U.S. canceled in 1993). The Europeans have almost completed their Large Hadron Collider. And they are planning their Very Large Hadron Collider. They are outpacing us in understanding theoretical and applied physics. If we had a competing Superconducting Super Collider, we too would be able to smash protons moving at 99.999999% of the speed of light into each other. We might even be able to detect the invisibly decaying Higgs Boson! And then the mysteries of String Theory would be laid bare in plain view!

There's just one problem: We would have encircle most of Texas with a ring of concrete and wires, and it would take most of the electrical output of that state. But not to worry -- we could promise never to run it during televised Cowboys games.

Stay tuned. I have other ideas which are rapidly popping into my mind. (They banged me in the head a lot when they had me in jail. Somethin' came loose, and I'm way smarter now!)

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 4 replies

I found somethin' . . .

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 16:12:24 GMT

fun to do!

http://www.netdisaster.com/go.php?mode=creampie&destruction=massive&url=http://tribe.net/

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 1 reply

They set me loose.

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 13:13:32 GMT

And I made my way back here. This place is the only thing I remember. I don't even remember much about what they did to me in that terrible place. Maybe you folks can help me remember stuff. I don't even know what I used to do. I'm in bad shape, and my ass hurts!

I don't have any friends that I know of.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 2 replies

Mrs. Gov'ner Withdraws from Pres'dential Race

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 16:43:38 GMT

ANNOUNCEMENT FROM MRS. GOV'NER'S CAMPAIGN MANAGER:

In a surprise move this morning, the Gov'ner returned to politics like the living dead, announcing his bid for the pres'dency as though he had not announced that before. (One wonders whether someone put a hex on him and he has been wandering the past week in a zombie trance.)

In response, Mrs. Gov'ner has withdrawn from the race "for personal reasons." She stated, "I will take my vast wealth (which the Gov'ner so kindly bestowed upon me) and devote myself to philanthropy and political activism."

Which, ladies and gentlemen, leaves this curious ape unemployed and up shit creek without a paddle!

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 28 replies

Gov'ner got a secret admirer

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 10:15:15 GMT

This boy named Paul has professed his gay love fer me and Satan over on another tribe.

That boy wrote "yes im in love with you and the guv. im sure hes your close personal friend. you were "roommates" in college right? im not the one who pretended(badly) to be the gov. for all i know you are the gov..."

Aw kin't quite understand all that gibberish but I caught the "in love with you and the guv' part.

First they makes a movie about some gay cowboys and that don't bother me none 'cause ever'one knows there's plenty of manly love goin' on in the bunkhouse any given' night, but if this gay love thing means that this funny lookin boy name Paul can stalk me and Satan and demand to suckle on our manroots, aw don't like it.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 9 replies

Jeff Guckert Admires the Gov'ner

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 15:33:19 GMT

That Jeff Guckert fella, a/k/a James Gannon, stopped by yesterday and told me how much he admired the Gov'ner. He wondered if I could help him get a job handling pubic relations for the campaign or otherwise handling the Gov'ner. I told him I didn't have any official capacity with the campaign and couldn't speak for the Gov'ner. He would have to ask the Gov'ner directly.

What do y'all think? Should I tell that Guckert feller to shoo next time he comes around heah -- to get his faggity ass down the road? Or should I escort him in to see the Gov'ner?

I will say this about that boy: he has experience. He worked in the White House press corps! And he has a following among at least some of the troops. Yes. He supports the troops. Like a jockstrap!

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 8 replies

That Seth feller

Junior Samples (dec.) — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 21:05:36 GMT

Sometime in th' nite last nite, Ah done caught up wit' thet Seth feller y'all are askin' about. The one wif' the purty mouf'.

Waal, Ah grabbed 'im an' awled 'im up wif pig grease and did mah bizness wif 'im and he jest up and died.

And thet's it.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 35 replies

A Further Message from President Bush

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 01:44:19 GMT

PRESIDENT PLEDGES TO PERSONALLY HUNT DOWN SNIVELING BUREAUCRAT WHO SPILLED THE BEANS ABOUT TOTALLY LEGAL SPYING ON U.S. CITIZENS
Remarks by the President

THE PRESIDENT: Alright, I want all you press homos to sit down, shut up, and listen good, because I swear I'm gonna take my favorite spurs and get all Brokeback Mountain on whoever leaked this NSA bullshit to you. That's right, because the worm who listened to the little angel on his shoulder and blabbed about a program that could possibly maybe one day produce a piece of intelligence that might conceivably prove semi-useful in some way is in deeeeeep crapola. And if I have to bite down on a knife, strip naked, camouflage my body in cocoa butter, and flitter through the hallways of the NSA under cover of darkness on a search and destroy mission, I will. Mr. Leeeeeak-ing Guuuy, come out and plaaaaaa-ay!

I don't know what it is about you fat biddies in the press, but sometimes I just want to whip out the ol' zipper rattler and take a hot, salty, frothy piss all over you goddamned toolboxes. I told them Jews or whoever runs the Old Gray Stank Bitch not to spill the beans about some harmless eavesdropping, but then they went an done it anyways! Holy motherfucking crap! This is National Security, and when National Security is involved, tiny pointless stuff like freedoms go out the window. And that includes all the parts of the Constitution that suggest King President isn't the boss of the nation, and it's His Way or Guantanamo Bay.

I mean – the Constitution was written, what? Six hundred years ago? Back then, nobody used shampoo, mail was delivered via arrow, men married their horses, and representative government was normal. Our forefathers could never have imagined how things have changed! And that's why I should have all the power I need to keep America the 800 pound retard gorilla sitting on a mountain of golden bananas. Because that is our alienable right!

It's not an invasion of privacy to listen into personal phone calls willy-nilly. I mean, maybe an itty-bit, but here's a more important point: death is a bigger invasion of privacy. And I assure you, that if you're a law-abiding, offshore tax-dodging Caucasian country club Christian, you can reasonably assume we're not tapping your phones, or reading your e-mails.

And so I have a simple question to ask the American people: who's going to protect you and your family and your beach homes and cabins and assets from Islamo-Nazism? A bunch of cranky mustachioed dudes in black dresses, like Ruth Bader Ginsberg? Or a couple hundred ass-kissing yes-men in suits who love any chance to jump in front of a camera with Russert the Hutt because it gives them an excuse to spackle on more make-up than a drag queen?

I think you'll agree that for five years and counting, it's been yours truly and his posse done kept them marauding varmints from doing to this country what the Soviet Empire never could: bring it to its knees, Red Dawn-style. And so I stand before you again to defend the tactics I use in order to defend this exclusive Christian co-op I call the "YOOOOO-EESS-AAAYYY."

When it comes to domestic spying, I wish we could scoot and scare up a court order for every eventuality; but you see, such an obstacle would be a major pain in my butthole. So just trust me, because good ol' moi is fighting the good fight. And I'm not fibbing when I say: America is infested with hundreds of thousands of terrorist masterminds with plastique-stuffed lower intestine who love to chit-chat all the livelong day on the telephone.

See, sometimes you have to take away freedom in order to protect FREEDOM®. It's as simple as that. So write that down and tell your mega-faggy editors in New York City to put it in your shitbox broadsheets or on your stupid TV news shows which are nothing more than advertising filler. G'wan – do THAT.

Meanwhile, I'm going snitch-hunting – just me, a plastic spork tied to the end of a golf club, and all my Secret Service men. And I ain't returning until some fat bean-counter with a comb-over is strapped to the hood of my Presidential limo. Nobody but nobody tells one of my secrets to people who have a right to know what crimes are being committed in their name and with their tax dollars.

Thank you, and God Bless America.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 38 replies

GOP Launches Smear Campaign Against Mrs. Gov'ner

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 16:03:10 GMT

Breaking news:

An RNC mailer has been sent to residents in Texas and all the other Southern states warning that the Democrats, and Mrs. Gov’ner in particular, want to BAN THE BIBLE! Dr. James Dobson, of Focus on the Family, is quoted in the vicious screed, saying that "Mrs. Gov’ner is not a good Born Again Christian, but is nothing but a Christ-killin' Jew!"

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 31 replies

My Ten-Point Plan

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 17:34:16 GMT

Oh, good morning y’all. I thought it was high time I talked about my platform. There are some specific things that I will do as your President to change the course of the Titanic that is America. My 10-point plan:

1. Get out of Iraq. Do I need to elaborate on the reasons for this? I think not. As to the timing – as quickly as possible. This whole thing was a just the kind of war-profiteering caper the Bush family has been pulling for 100 years. Don’t people study history anymore in school?

2. A Manhattan (or maybe a New Orleans) Project to develop alternative energy sources and get us off the foreign oil tit. My not-so-late husband would disagree with me (because he was an oil man down to his shoes), but this ain’t his campaign. Where will the money come for this? How about from not hemorrhaging it in Iraq? Also, this program will help promote economic growth.

3. Roll back those tax cuts for the rich. Yes, that means mine too. We need the money to do the other things I want to do.

4. Start educating our kids again. I mean seriously, like we actually planned to compete with a billion Indian and Chinese smartypantses.

5. Get us back our Bill of Rights. No more spying on Americans without a warrant. I don’t like the idea of the Dick Cheneys of this world sitting in a bunker jerkin’ their little gerkins at satellite footage of me taking a little sun in the backyard.

6. Protect our ports, and nuclear, chemical and oil plants from something as simple as a 50 cal. slug. Or as complicated as a nuclear bomb. How much of a dumb-ass does one have to be not to have fixed this after 9/11? Unless, of course, 9/11 was an inside job. But I don’t want to go there. Let’s assume, for the sake of argument, that 9/11 was real – and respond the way smart people would.

7. Do the right thing for the Gulf Coast. Bring in them Dutch boys and build a proper sea wall and levee system. As your President, I will never stand in a town square after a disaster and blow smoke up your ass!

8. Balance the budget. Billy-Jeff did it. Why can’t I? You just have to do it one step and a time and stop making stupid impulse purchases like some kind of shop-a-holic on crack – a war here, a tax cut there, a bridge to nowhere over there.

9. When possible, appoint Justices to the Supreme Court who understand that protecting the rights of corporations is not more important than protecting the rights of flesh-and-blood Americans.

10. Start caring again about poverty and health care. Do we really have to tell 50 million Americans to just go shit in their hats? And another 40 million to sit in the waiting room while they're bleeding out all over the place? We can do better than this. I know I'll have to be more specific by the time of the debates.

Oh, and there's also the problem of corruption. Corruption will always be with us. It’s how things get done a lot of the times. But maybe we can scale it back so we have a system slightly less crooked than Mexico or Liberia. I have to think about this some more before I add it to the plan.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 20 replies

Rednecks

Randy — Sun, 22 Jan 2006 00:16:54 GMT

Last night I saw Lester Maddox on a TV show
With some smart-ass New York Jew
And the Jew laughed at Lester Maddox
And the audience laughed at Lester Maddox too

Well, he may be a fool but he's our fool
If they think they're better than him they're wrong
So I went to the park and I took some paper along
And that's where I made this song

We talk real funny down here
We drink too much and we laugh too loud
We're too dumb to make it in no Northern town
And we're keepin' the niggers down

We got no-necked oilmen from Texas
And good ol' boys from Tennessee
And college men from LSU
Went in dumb - come out dumb too
Hustlin' 'round Atlanta in their alligator shoes
Gettin' drunk every weekend at the barbecues
And they're keepin' the niggers down

We're rednecks, rednecks
And we don't know our ass from a hole in the ground
We're rednecks, we're rednecks
And we're keeping the niggers down

Now your northern nigger's a Negro
You see he's got his dignity
Down here we're too ignorant to realize
That the North has set the nigger free

Yes he's free to be put in a cage
In Harlem in New York City
And he's free to be put in a cage in the South-Side of Chicago
And the West-Side
And he's free to be put in a cage in Hough in Cleveland
And he's free to be put in a cage in East St. Louis
And he's free to be put in a cage in Fillmore in San Francisco
And he's free to be put in a cage in Roxbury in Boston
They're gatherin' 'em up from miles around
Keepin' the niggers down

We're rednecks, we're rednecks
We don't know our ass from a hole in the ground
We're rednecks, we're rednecks
And we're keeping the niggers down

We are keeping the niggers down

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 3 replies

A woman shouldn't be president!

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 00:26:35 GMT

She'll go crazy during that time of the month and kill us all!

Now make me moderator!

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 2 replies

Wade

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 06:49:19 GMT

Who is this Wade fellow and why does he keep sending me PMs? He blabbers on about the lastet redecorations at Tribe. Obviously just a pretext to talk to me and hit on me.

I think he wants to suckle on my manroot, that's what I think.

I also note that he attended Harvard College, which makes him a manroot suckler without any doubt.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 7 replies

A Message from Alberto

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 02:49:01 GMT

As Attorney General of the United States, I am watching you, and have taken over the tribe handle of Virgil, who is now in custody at an undisclosed location. We will take all appropriate measures to stamp out indecent behavior in this country. Watch yourselves.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 16 replies

The new Tribe . . .

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 00:01:14 GMT

is a dog's breakfast. I know that. Not much I can do about it now. Maybe I can change things when I become President. But I have my doubts.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 3 replies

Moving my residence temporarily

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 19:40:46 GMT

I just wanted y'all to know that I have decided to move from my Texas mansion to my Louisiana mansion. (You can see a picture of it in the Album. My daddy bought the place. My daddy and I are fully reconciled now, which makes me glad because he probably won't be with us much longer.)

I believe my campaign should focus on some of the problems that have come up in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. I believe my opponents have demonstrated their depraved incompetence and weakness and responding to the needs of the people. So I will be mingling and pressin' the flesh and kissin' babies all over the Gulf Coast from my base of operations along the Mississippi River!

In the meantime, Curious continues to work on our platform.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 0 replies

Gov'ner sightings

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 03:23:35 GMT

Got a pm from a fellow who was identfied only as "Buck."

Said he saw the gov'ner in an adult chatroom for singles in Cleveland last night.

Got another pm from a gal in Tuscon, claiming she got an email from the gov'ner on Friendster.

I also heard from Elvis and he claimed he had seen the gov'ner advertising the sale of some west Texas land on Craigslist.

Could it be....could it be?

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 25 replies

Has anyone noticed . . .

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 15:02:23 GMT

that Satan has morphed into Gov'ner Satan?

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 9 replies

Virgil caught searching for porn

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 01:41:19 GMT

I regret to inform the members of this tribe that Virgil, one or our newest members, was caught today by the U.S. Justice Department, searching for porn on the internet. Someone had told him to use Google, but he didn't understand what they had said. So he used MSN instead. Big mistake. As some of you know, Google has refused to respond to a subpoena for its records of searches, while MSN, AOL and others have been more than willing poodles of the Bush regime. For that regime, cracking down on the users of porn is more important even than cracking down on, well . . . crack.

Virgil has informed me that he intends to put up a vigorous defense, in propria persona, and that he will spend the weeks and months ahead reading law books. He won't have any time for further posts, except every once in a long while.

We will miss Virgil's observations, which were beginning to become quite frequent.

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 4 replies

I'm CALLING YOU OUT, SATAN!!

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 04:25:53 GMT

Okay, DAMMIT, Satan, why won't you be friends with me?! I am taking this public, DAMN YOU! I will not be shunned by the devil. Do you hear me?!!!

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 12 replies

Gov'ner to be on Queer Eye

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 02:41:49 GMT

Some damn agent called me and asked me if aw wanted to be on queer eye fer the straight guy. I had not heard of such a thing and not sure I understand it yet. However, they are gonna pay me $60,000 U.S. fer the appearance, so I think aw shall.

Them boys ain't gonna try nuthing funny now, are they?

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 11 replies

Improving Our Intenational Relations

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 17:03:25 GMT

I recently received this message, in my Tribe inbox, from overseas. Something about foreign investment. I'll have to ask my investment advisor, Curious Jim, to evaluate it.

I do think that intenational trade is the way to go, and it will be an important part of my administration! It's the way to reduce tension in the world! And Lord knows we could benefit from that, especially with our Islamic brothers and sisters.

I am concerned, though, about having received this message from overseas. Do you think Dubya and the NSA might have me on their spy list now because of this? What do y'all think?

From :Musa mohammed
Avenue 5 Lot 172 Cocody
Quarters Abidjan Cote d' Ivoire
Wes Africa.

Attention: Respectful

Good day How are you today,I would like to apply through this medium for your co-operation and to secure an opportunity to invest and do joint relationship and business with you in your country.i got your contact from your site. and after going through your profile i deceide to contact you. I have a substantial capital I honourably Inherited from my late father late Chief Edward Musa Mohamed Duru Which I intend to invest in your country into a very lucrative business venture of which you are to advise and execute the said venture over there for the mutual benefits of both of us .Most especially is for you to help me come over to your base.Your able co-operation is to become my business partner in your country and create ideas on how money will be invested, properly managed and the type of investment after the money is transferred to your custody with your assistance.

Meanwhile, on indication of your willingness to handle this transaction sincerely by protecting our interests and upon your acceptance of this proposal, I would furnish you with the full detailed information, procedure, amount involve is below and we shall mutuall agree on your percentage interest or share holding for helping me to secure the release of the deposit and investing the fund. The sum of Eight Million Five Hundred Thousand Five USD $8.500.000USD I shall be glad to reserve this respect and opportunity for you, if you so desire, but do urge you to give the matter your immediate attention it deserves.

Looking forward to your prompt response

Best Regards,
Sender details:
Name: Musa mohammed
Abidjan Cote d' Ivoire West Africa

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 14 replies

Gov'ner's prostate closed

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 03:45:41 GMT

Or

Gov'ner's probate closed.

What's the difference?

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 4 replies

Gov'ner's Probate Closed

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 06:18:46 GMT

Curious Jim, Esq.
LAW OFFICES OF CURIOUS JIM
One Main Street
Yoakum, Texas

Attorneys for Petitioner and Executor
MRS. GOV'NER

PROBATE COURT, STATE OF TEXAS
COUNTY OF YOAKUM

In re the Estate of
THE GOV’NER,
Deceased. )
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) No. 1234567

JUDGMENT FOR FINAL DISTRIBUTION OF ESTATE

Mrs. Gov’ner, as Executor of the Estate of the Gov’ner, deceased, having filed her first and final account, report, and petition for its settlement and for final distribution, and the report and petition coming on this day regularly for hearing, the court finds:

Notice of Hearing Given. Due notice of the settlement of the account and of the hearing on the petition for final distribution of the estate has been regularly given for the period and in the manner prescribed by law.

Account and Petition True. All allegations of the report and petition are true.

Date of Death and Domicile. The Gov’ner died testate on January 15, 2006, in Yoakum County, Texas, and was domiciled in that county at the time of his death.

Appointment of Executor. The decedent’s will dated January 15, 2000 was admitted to probate by order of this court. Mrs. Gov’ner qualified as executor and letters testamentary were issued to her on January 16, 2006. Since then Mrs. Gov’ner has been and now is the duly qualified executor of the decedent’s estate.

Estate in Condition to Be Closed. More time than necessary has elapsed since the issuance of letters. Notice of administration has been given to creditors as required by law. The time for filing and serving creditors’ claims has expired, and the estate now is in a condition to be closed.

Texas Mineral Rights. During the course of marshalling the assets of the estate, the executor discovered that the decedent had inherited certain oil, gas and mineral rights in real property located in Sections 170, 171, 190, 191, and 277 of Block D, Santa Fe Railway Co. survey, Yoakum County, Texas. Copies of leases and correspondence indicated that the decedent had entered into oil and gas leases covering his mineral interests in these tracts as recently as May 1999, with oil wildcatters in Yoakum County, Texas. The court determines that the said rights and interests have a value of $8 Billion.
Character of Estate Property. The estate consists entirely of joint tenancy interests which pass free of creditor’s claims to the decedent’s surviving spouse, Mrs. Gov’ner.

Compensation. The executor and the attorneys for the executor have rendered valuable services to the estate and statutory compensation should be allowed in the amount of $100,000,000 to Curious Jim, Esq. (a bargain at half the price).

IT IS ORDERED and adjudged that, as an order that may not be challenged in any way:

1. The administration of the estate is brought to a close.
2. The executor has in her possession absolutely nothing, the entirety of the decedent’s interests having passed by right of survivorship to Mrs. Gov’ner.
3. All acts and transactions of the executor relating to the matters set forth in the account, petition, and report are confirmed and approved, and cannot be contested or disturbed in any manner.
4. The executor is authorized and directed to pay to herself $100,000,000 as statutory compensation for services rendered in administering the estate.
5. The executor is authorized and directed to pay Curious Jim, Esq. the sum of $100,000,000 compensation for legal services rendered in the administration of the estate.
6. All property of the decedent is hereby confirmed in the Gov’ner, by right of survivorship.
7. Any other property of the estate not now known or discovered that may belong to the estate or in which the decedent or the estate may have any interest should be distributed entirely to Mrs. Gov’ner.

Dated: January 17, 2006
TRAVIS KINCAID
JUDGE OF THE PROBATE COURT

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 17 replies

Might-tee fine BBQ

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 04:48:18 GMT

Tell yew what, this here is some migh-tee fine BBQ y'all servin' at this heyaw fundraiser. This brisket is tender and as moist as a 17 year old constituient doin' her summer internship at the gov'ner mansion.

Yew get this BBQ from Coopers up thar in Llano or Kreitz's down there in Lockhart, didn't yew, boy? I knows my BBQ.

Tell yew whot, aw am dry. Yew boys got any hooch out behind the truck?

posted in Gov'ner For Pres'dent - 7 replies