HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC.'s topics - tribe.net

Celelerity Hindorsemints

2008-02-12T08:32:31Z

Howdee, mah nam hez Junior Samples (dec.) en en lafe, Ah wuz a ree-cordin' hartist en innerdtayner. Sum tame arter Ah diet en 1983, muh answearin muchine pickt hup a msg. frum muh agernt a-tellerin huv sum kinder perdsunal apeerunce tour Ah wuz posed tew dew unnder yawls hospices.

Cum tew fine howt, muh dern agernt diet en 2001 sos Ah cumt heer hin pearson.

Jest tew let yawl kno, Ah wuk caish on th' dang barlhaid. Ah doan wunt nonner thet if-cum er bloo-sky er hind-end munney yew ciddy fokker hawlways tawkkin abowt. Jess gimme them daid preznints en weel git lawng.

*glug*

Hin Ah ain't signin no dang morls claus nedder.

*hic*

Enny yew bois lak sum forty-rod?

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 0 replies

waterboarding ride

2008-01-30T01:19:02Z

have we discussed this concept yet? i think that urine might be a good substitute for water...

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 7 replies

Merry HappyLandMas!

2008-01-10T16:24:44Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjwEGPSxhjg&feature=related

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 13 replies

'How They Make Sausage' ride

2008-01-09T14:35:37Z

Your plexiglass enclosure drifts past a series of animatronic displays beginning with a demonstration of how pigs get pregnant and ending
with a bunch of obese, noisy, ugly people clumsily eating breakfast in a fast food restaurant lobby.

Riders get to see EVERYTHING that happens in-between, right up close... at least as well as you can see after your plexiglass has
been spattered with blood and stray fecal matter.

And at the end of the ride... ALL THE FREE SAUSAGE YOU CAN EAT!

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 15 replies

Interdepartment memo NC1010258

2008-01-09T14:34:02Z

From the entertainment division,

Gitmo music release. 'This Is Not Torture 2007' in pre-planning stage

goal: A new sound. A compilation or series of compilations spontaneously created by respected artists within the indy media and fringe communities to cynically embrace sonic torture.

Plans to reintroduce the derby and other hats back into fashion have been reconsidered due to new developments, namely media capitulation and partitioning of spoils within the new congress. At this point, the executive branch really sees little value in continuing to seed the mainstream consumer with celebrity idolatry (the trend has played out). Leaks of rap and heavy metal music have been prevalent in media, covered in rolling stone and source magazine, with artists Metallica, Eminem, Drowning Pool, and Rage Against the Machine high on the list of sonic interrogation technique.

Because of this, a 'Direct Outrage' psy-ops campaign has been waged, with limited effect.

So far, only Drowning Pool and to a lesser extent P.O.D. has considered direct advocation of the practice. Categorically, this has led to a falling out of blue-demograph sales for the groups. Subsidies were made instantly available, with DOD/NSA/ spook packages and rush tixs doled to federal employees as a way to fill shows and make tours lucrative for promoters; either at rush pricing or fully subsidized by arrangements with the Family Circle offices.

T-shirts for teens and pre-teens were encouraged as part of Direct Outrage, though statistical findings show this leads to ostracism within non-control settings, as well as the onset of continuous viral trends from the artistic underground and fringe.

Research now tells us the next step is indirect confrontation with the Gitmo model; an invasion of underground art as a way of incorporating cynical backlash and the mechanism of social detachment directly at the root of dissent.

The best way to make permattachment to culture and seed the media underground is through musical trend. A compilation of Japanese noise metal used during interrogations is being readied for introduction to stateside operations. Tentative name of the operation is undecided, either 'endurocore', 'freedomcore', 'pathoscore', torturecore or domixcore. Other names will be leaked from the think tank through viral channels -- DOD has an active betting pool if any of the staff wants to get into the action.

Results from a think tank are: "What as once a prison . . ." released hot on the heels of the 'This is Not Torture' compilation for 2007. Fringe music encouraged by plants within movements of political dissent. psy-ops will stage a work of interactive theater, the title "Encouraging an environment of cynicism as anti-authoritarian protest." will be encouraged through global channels.

Leaked music from the CIA files will be compiled for use by a dummy record label in deep cover, connected with Japanese noise metal and a 'sub-fringe' recluse artist incorporating accordions and banjo into chamber music and orchestra. At some point, a tweeker or schizophrenic with a delay pedal will become involved, achieving some level of celebrity that can be channeled back into the 'new' artistic movement. Acceptance of the fringe trend into dominance will be introduced through standards of viral marketing incorporating 'hip' and 'cynicism' psychology. No-talent fringes of speed metal and electronica will be put on a pedestal for completely arbitrary reasons, mostly by pulling names out of a hat at central control.

Whatever the category, it will be tentatively marketed as a cynical response to apathy within the political fringe to continuously reinforce cynicism as an acceptable means of protest, creating shock reactions and short term effects of empowerment that will be blanketed by psychological flaws inherent in the overall model. A few organized marches to blow off steam. Eventually, long term gains overall as repercussions in the private sector become apparent during the forecasted economic downturn with the logical result being an updraft of a second 'me' generation -- with lesser cultural effect.

A planning commission will be assembled from the bureau once the leak is discovered and circulated into protest groups by our operatives. The new trend will then be leaked to the Manhattan offices once measurable levels of planted material, illegal downloads and/or DIY T-shirts saturate the teen anti-authority demographic.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 6 replies

Arcane compendium for n00bs

2008-01-06T01:20:35Z

We need to branch out into the virtual world.
Many new users to tribe find themselves perpetually confused about the protocol that will help them relate to their fellow man.
Since the "Rules" on tribe are vastly different than the "Real" world...

<I propose that we compile a list of the most helpful guidelines to style.>
The beauty of this is : It will need to be updated... every 3 months to keep up with trends.

1. Work with a loose design - you can throw in some formality to make people feel comfortable but not too much or they will know what you are talking about... AND where's the mystery in that ?

2. Encourage people to talk about themselves- you will be well liked and won't have to reveal much about yourself.

3.Force a style upon your posting -so that it looks as though you have completely designed a new identity.

4. The most interesting posts have no practical design- If you are able to do this consistently... you will become a "Guru" on tribe.

5.Never proofread your posts- it removes the deconstruction element so crucial to a post-modern bohemian narrative.

6.Use verbose posting techniques - This will make you appear authoritative in your field.

7.Use qualifiers as much as possible - this a safety net... if somebody challenges your point of view you can say "No I was speaking rhetorically in the sense of mankind".

8.Try to write as though you are in a constant state of euphoria- It will reinforce your status as a "cutting edge" bohemian.

9.Always use unorthodox spelling of words- Remember to spell phonetically will avoid the irritating problem of being flamed for your spelling by your peers.

10.Explain every concept comprehensively- so that you appear to be well spoken... and educated.

11. Add "ly" to as many words as possible so that it lays the foundation for the reader to see you are speaking in an objective sense... and so lends an air of truth to your post.

12. Use fancy words- It does not matter if you know the meaning... or use them regularly... it will make others believe you have a large vocabulary.

13. Use dialects you are unfamiliar with- it makes you appear more well rounded.

14. Never be clear- Or the burden of proof will be on you.

15. Your entire post should be based on opinion- You should however use Wikipedia, as proof your statements are the absolute truth.

16. Use figures of speech and euphemisms as much as possible- so that you can easily retract your statement and say " I was just trying to communicate a difficult truth in a way that would not be too damaging".

17.Use emoticons as much as possible- as a "way of communicating feelings" so that you can be more clear... just in case your post might make somebody angry.

18. PREFER THE OFFBEAT TO THE STANDARD ! - this is an absolute necessity if you want to gain status on tribe.

This is a rough outline of an encyclopedic text designed to help newcomers succeed in the Tribe world.
Were going to make this place better... one user at a time.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 5 replies

Now's the time...

2007-12-08T20:14:55Z

We need to pounce on the opportunity of reproducing the gold stars or at least reproducing the gold star "experience" of a devoted tribe user.
It's a real alternative reality reproduction.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 5 replies

the abstraction ride

2007-09-19T02:01:24Z

let's develop a ride specifically for tribe...
where we support ... abstracting people and doing mean things to them...
this will now become a popularity contest.

So that all elements of Tribe will be incorporated.
You win a prize if you can participate in it... but at the same time...
not be associated with the hurt... by rationalizing it as freedom of speech.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 7 replies

This tribe needs a name change

2007-08-28T14:07:21Z

Any suggestions ?

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 13 replies

Farfour -- The Resurrection

2007-08-28T05:53:35Z

The competition has been sanctioned.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19509117/

This may be an ideal time to bid for the movie rights.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 5 replies

Something to think about

2007-08-15T05:03:22Z

Last weekend, I had to work at a fairy pirate festival out in the woods, and have returned with a mess of raw data that needs to be assimilated and codified and braided and ironed-out and I don't know what all. Plus I have to wash a lot of things. But I had some insights out there in the woods, and these insights may be helpful to HDT. I took notes but I can't read them. And my brain hurts.

But I tried to make the most of this valuable opportunity to learn more about what makes humans go out and spend money on "entertainment" and how you can herd these humans into an enclosed space and make them pay more money. Even if the space is infested with geese and hippies and many many many many many many bloodsucking insects and hippies, and high humidity, and fat hippies dressed up as fairies with their titties hanging out. Big saggy ugly titties, too. Even on the women.

This may be a new and exciting phase of my research, or it will be after I get done feeling all swoopy from being covered with large amounts of hydrocortisone cream. But I live to serve, I truly do, and do not regret my weekend as guinea pig.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 5 replies

99th percentile ... redesign

2007-08-13T16:00:20Z

Recently the 99th percentile tribe has come to terms with it's mortality...
and are currently considering an "extreme makeover " strategy...
to stop trolling, encourage a more interactive membership, and fulfill a greater realization of the purist intellectuality mythos.

I would like to recommend firstly that one must pay for the privilege of applying for membership...
which begins with a test determining one's ability to do the "economics professor dance"
I discovered the universality of this truth... while slurpping free drinks at an open mic night near a university...
(my friend who soon after skinned a goat as his art project... was the dishwasher at the restaurant in question ... so he kept feeding me enough drinks to find enlightenment)

The idea is to randomly alternate the amount of time you are offbeat with the music...
from 20% of the time to... a few moments of 90% offbeat and back to onbeat for a couple of minutes...
Only a state of drunken intellectuality would allow one to determine this is a desirable preference...
In this way we could determine the applicants would be fun on demand.

All applicants will be required to wear a tweed jacket with leather elbow patches... (which can only be purchased from our "intellectuality augmentation store" at enormous cost ).

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 21 replies

The singing voice is out of tune

2007-08-12T22:01:06Z

The 'Parents of the World' exhibit. The riders are funneled from the harsh humid environs of Cuban sunshine and into the frosty air-conditioned abuse tunnel. Offsetting temperature in each chamber should add a feeling of nausea to riders as will this song . . .

'Parents of the world -- a celebration'

It's a world of laughter a world of fear
You just saw Daddy drink a beer
And your mom is aware
That her lipsticks a dare
Friday night will stunt your growth

It's a small house after all
We got late fees, payments stall
Collection agent makes a call
And it's all because of you

In a world of pain I work this job
We have this condo
I feel ripped off
In the time that we spend
Qualities that depend
On the classes I attend

It's a small house after all
I have no worth after all
We spent years to take this fall
And it's all because of you

Jump in a closet and hide your eyes
The fetal position for beddi-byes
Till you're dragged to the light
Take comfort from fright
The excuse is their delight.

and on and on and on . . .

We already have sponsorship from Prudential Life Insurance. Funds won't be a problem.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 13 replies

Martyrland characters and mascots

2007-06-28T15:43:33Z

Hamas has put up a competitive model against our prion infested Nigerian and Somali boys.

http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/857709.html

We need to step up to the plate with our own life size Terrycloth Allah to cross promote our line of plush Allahs and Mohammed bobble heads. I feel this is something we should take beyond the park and into America's living rooms, as a television show where these lovable moppets could dance around for hours and entertain our kids.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 17 replies

Jihab center

2007-06-23T18:34:54Z

I think we're going to reroute the Bruno Hauptmann ladder of escape away from the biodiesel vats and create this as a test model.

Come with me. Let us walk the twelve step path to self-destruction.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 24 replies

Moonlighting?

2007-06-18T14:26:25Z

The exclusivity agreement HDT has with The Now Society LLC looks to have been decisively breached--

<<* Do roller coasters bore you? Well, a new theme park ride is giving thrill-seekers the ability to imitate desperate Mexicans trying to illegally cross the border to the U.S.

Visitors to the Parque EcoAlberto in the Mexican state of Hildalgo are put in the position of workers struggling to escape across the boundary between the two countries.

They must hike through dense brush, run down steep hills, swim across rivers, and slip under barbed-wire fences, according to the Ananova Web portal.

Also, they must stay out of the "crossfire" of watchful border guards during the four-hour nighttime ordeal.

Each visitor pays about $20 for the privilege at the theme park, which is actually about 700 miles from the U.S. border. More than 3,000 people have tried out the "ride" already.

Some groups have criticized the theme park for profiting the plight of those trying to escape to the U.S.

But Alfonso Martinez, who plays a people-smuggler in the game, was quoted as saying the mock-escapes "let people get a glimpse of the suffering that migrants endure."

We just hope CNN's Lou Dobbs doesn't get wind of this.>>

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17874421/

*toke*

Fuck Lou Dobbs, d00d. What I wanna know is when we became a fucking franchise operation? What are we, Burger King? al-Qaeda? The Albanian Communist Party?

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 12 replies

Rollerball

2007-06-15T15:12:25Z

On the need for more live entertainment at the park, I've just heard back from Sergei in legal about the impending approval of our Rollerball franchise. He's also going to hook us up with his cousin Vlad, a very mobbed-up white slaver out of Minsk, to provide a fresh rotating stock of team members smuggled out of the Siberian gulags.

Market research showed that the remake of the film didn't do well because it wasn't violent enough. To this end, we've brainstormed some new additions, which I think will provide value-added action to the games, and greatly pump up the syndication value when we pitch it to pay-per-view.

A few possibilities:

* Pro-wrestling-style story arcs to create heroes and villains, and to increase long-term viewership. For a more realistic life-or-death feel, could hold the real family members of players hostage, subject them to physical and mental duress, etc., which is taped and replayed before matches (and it's another reality TV angle, which always goes over big).
* Medieval weaponry. Prelim tests of sword- and mace-wielding motorcyclists attacking condemned convicts was extremely encouraging. Let's just say we needed a mop afterwards. (Video available -- shoot me an e-mail if you or your dept. needs a DVD).
* An all-women's sub-league of leather-clad hotties (call it "Ladies' Night"? "Catfight"? "RollerBabes"?).
* Undermotivated players can be randomly killed with skull-implanted explosive devices. Or: Realtime audience voting for best and worst players of game: best player earns points towards eventual freedom; worst player is beheaded on live TV. (alternately, we can further monetize this and raffle off these execution rights to a member of the audience, perhaps even offer then a selection of weaponry to do the deed).
* Audience participation night. Lots of ways to do this, such as randomly chosen from ticket holders at the live event, or home viewers who've entered online. The trick with this is getting them to sign the pre-game injury/fatality waivers. Sergei's been researching the liability angles, and thinks he's got it nailed.
* Kids'/Family Night: Players costumed as some of the many fun characters we've licensed from TV and movie animation. Might have to tone down the blood.
* Betting. Given unfriendly federal laws, I'd say the online end needs to be arranged with our Cayman Island friends. Not my call. But I can certainly help greasing politicos for the necessary end-run around local and state gaming statues to allow making book on-site at the arena events.

You should all get back to me as soon as possible, 'cause Sergei's got several Russian pols wriggling on the hook, and they're itching for graft to give the go-ahead.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 17 replies

'Flatliners' ride

2007-03-13T21:37:24Z

Riders are accelerated in such a way that blood rushes out of the head, inducing unconsciousness, then are quickly revived.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 2 replies

Blurb Ninja Advertising

2007-03-13T00:09:27Z

We have created an 'unofficial' agency back in the states to handle our "grey ops" projects and media manipulations. While some taboo topics may be discussed within the confines of the New York office, no official connection between Happyland Design Team and Blurb Ninja must be disclosed to the public sector.

http://tribes.tribe.net/exor66sixt_shuffle

This means absolutely 'no' discussion of cannibalism unless it is couched as speculation on an idea for 'gummy candy' products. Vincent, our ideological construct in charge of Domestic HQ, will now be officially referred to as 'Vincent Gallo on retainer', allowing us to maintain a consistent front and an automatic hall pass to Madison Avenue interests. In addition, the heroin-addicted dropouts from NYU recruited to answer the door of the New York Office will from here on be refered to as 'chic'.

Fundraising for the upcoming Triageland franchise will be run from Blurb Ninja, to distance Happyland from unsolicited agents, independent media and CDC 'light' operations. Press releases will be funneled through discreet colon hydrotherapy ads in Tuesday editions of the New York Post, building their way into interviews and radio spots through absurdist ploys . . . which may include a diametrically opposed media blitz for our chocolate covered steak products to play both ends of the advertising market.

In lieu of a ribboncutting ceremony, a black helicopter will be painted orange and stenciled with the corporate logo.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 5 replies

Grey Goo Containment

2007-02-26T05:43:22Z

We have to discuss the elephant in the room that we've all avoided since the Sunny Island Nanotech R&D Facility meltdown in October. I'd happily continue to ignore the problem, except ....

We use the HappyLand LoveCanal to power our Guantanomo Water Board Ride before we took it offline. Runoff from the facility causes those strapped into the ride to develop hallucinations of accurate, detailed instructions on how bypass the security of our imagineering offices, as well as symptoms of a disease we've nicknamed Rage (after some movie, apparently).

Subject 121707C made it as far as the potted Yucca plant this afternoon before being shot down by the Taliban World animatons I had placed in the waiting room as a precaution.

Because of nanotech contamination, every molecule of Subject 121707C's DNA had to be found and denatured at exhorbitant expense. The office cleaning staff aren't properly trained for that kind of cleanup. One of the staff also came down with symptoms and had to be put down. Now the union is demanding bonuses and PTSD therapy for the survivors

Of course the Water Board Ride is now offline, but we're developing a backlog of subjects to process.

Just now I instigated a full investigation to determine who is responsible for this fiasco. I promise quick results.

Any suggestions on containment? Keep in mind, the Chernobyl Babies Assault Team invaded Sunny Island this morning and were absorbed. In fact, all matter is absorbed. I'm reluctant to send in the Kossacks or Catherine the Great until we have a strategy.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 70 replies

Shit sandwich food court

2007-01-22T13:34:04Z

You've heard of Philadelphia Cheese Steaks ?

I am proposing we have Cleveland Steamer Subs.
Shit sandwiches are a cheap form of soylent...
that can be transformed into an attractive product...
with the right sauce.

The buisness will be run by the Free-association Steering committee...
(their taste tests of the product... have shown great economic potential for the demographic of bad ideas)
under the direction of Mike C.
(quality control supervisor- Shit sandwich repast services)

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 63 replies

Alexandrian Annex

2007-01-07T20:57:57Z

I think we should make an offer on FantazyLand and expand into the Middle East. We could move the Abu Graib Ride out there:

http://www.themeparkreview.com/fantazyland/fantazyland.htm

"The United Rides of Fantazy"

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 6 replies

Little Bangkok

2007-01-07T03:06:27Z

I'm giving a tenative green light on the Little Bangkok project. Currently, I am checking prospects on several Aircraft carriers and Destroyers -- cold war era Russian surplus should be available for the cheap if we want to move this project into international waters.

I have resumed contact with a Captain Sticky, a seventies era entrepeneur with vast connections to the Thai sex junkets and airlines. He has volunteered consultation services and offered us a 50% discount on limousine rentals in the San Diego Area, along with VIP access to several illicit clubs in Chatsworth, CA -- should this be necessary.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 5 replies

The Will Casey Deadpool -- Minutes from closed session

2007-01-06T03:03:46Z

Who's corpse is gonna plug up the filter this year . . . uhh, I mean, where do you see the ride going?

I see a possible spin ride in zealot re-education town coming out of this.
_____________________________________________________________________

Rockstar: The Will Casey Deadpool - 2006/04/11 02:09

I say let the attendees vote, no matter how shocked and delirious. We can narrow the range of choices with use of some of the leftover Kurds (we're seriously overbooked here) and the team of plastic surgeons we have in Dubai. Once the latter get through with the former, we have all-new Will Caseys, Nick Noltes, Bob Doles, Gary Glitters and sisters Collins for the customers to pass on.

We should probably be as literal as possible about this and have Saxby dig us a pool.
_____________________________________________________________________

Mike C.: The Will Casey Deadpool - 2006/04/11 02:27

Some of the potholes will do well enough. Never let a senator pave you a parking lot, they always do a shitty job with the bedding.
______________________________________________________________________

Rockstar: The Will Casey Deadpool - 2006/04/11 02:35

Great! Have an Exxon tanker truck spray a few of the deeper holes, chuck in a wooden match and instant celebrity flambe.

This is gonna be HUGE! We may run out of Kurds...

_____________________________________________________________________

Mike C: The Will Casey Deadpool - 2006/04/11 12:33

Kurds 'can' run out. Lots can run into the Koran closet as well; not like it's too late to switch sides.

If it comes down to it, we still have some Nigerians on hand, they soaked up Biafra like a paper towel.

And of course, there's always soy. Lots and lots of soy.
_____________________________________________________________________

Mike C: The Will Casey Deadpool - 2006/04/11 15:06

Of course, if a minor player gets cowboyed, they always end up looking like a major player. Unless they're just a citizen. Then it takes like a hundred thousand or so before it moves off page six.

I'd be an oddsmaker but I have severe doubts on their immunity. That Plume was one and look at the mess that resulted.
_____________________________________________________________________

Rockstar: The Will Casey Deadpool - 2006/04/11 15:21

Even minor players and cutouts can't decently die any more, not since SATCOM-1 and 24-hour cable news. You never know when you might see some good old Charlie you knew from the Central America desk back in the '80s on a live news-feed from Samarra being flayed alive by locals.

These are times that fry men's bowls...

*toke*
_____________________________________________________________________

Mike C: The Will Casey Deadpool - 2006/04/11 15:26

I have even money on Karl Rove. I say heart-attack this week.

_____________________________________________________________________

Mike C: The Will Casey Deadpool - 2006/04/18 23:27

No heart attack. Not even among the minor players. Guess it's not much of a big deal.

Anyway, I just realized we had two spin rides in Zealot Re-education town with the Deadpool and the conversion cave. One of these rides has to either stop spinning or get moved to another area of the park.

What say we move the deadpool to the Great Satan? I don't think we have a spin ride there unless you consider the electroshock shock ride.

Except maybe the Trumbo. But the last time I checked, the Trumbo was getting no love from the developers. I almost think it might have to get scrapped.

______________________________________________________________________

Rockstar: The Will Casey Deadpool - 2006/04/19 00:07

Refresh my memory. Is the Trumbo the human-stump polo game or the deaf-dumb-blind art exhibit?

______________________________________________________________________

Mike C: The Will Casey Deadpool - 2006/05/07 00:09

The Trumbo has faceless quadruple amputees riding around in a circle. Parkgoers sit on the torso and manipulate the intact genitalia to create surrealistic visions of life prior to catastrophic physical injury.

It's kind of like the Dumbo ride but different.

I suppose we can insert tubing into the torso for darker effects on the vid screens but the programmers are having a tough time with applying multiple sensors.

Jerking the colonostomy bag around might be a viable alternative.

______________________________________________________________________

--End Transmission--

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 47 replies

the disappearing villeage

2007-01-05T04:14:27Z

think augusto pinochet, saddam hussein and pol pot.

i'll need more input on this concept.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 11 replies

heaven and hell

2007-01-01T20:00:20Z

the purpose of this team IS to provide the very best theme park experience for our visitors.

thus, a House of Horrors should be high on our list of priorities. how heaven fits into this concept i'm not to clear on, but given the nature of the minds involved in these projects, we ought to be able to concoct something pretty realistic, no?

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 6 replies

wenDT's massacree mowtel & hawgyardts

2006-12-27T23:42:31Z

sows..

gitt a bildin wif all kind burnt up, an neckst ta a slodder howse, and peepl com ta like a motel desck, an psay a preemeum fer rooms what ar rustyk an un heted, but ya kin birn the funture, so thet niec, and so dinner is serv starts promp at 7 p m, so tell um shaure befor dinn time and come dress casul. serv drinks and stuff. lots.

thin ya tak em ta the hog yardts and tell em ta pic a pigs for dinnr and whn they do ya shoot th epeepl in th eknees an trow em in wif the higs, but carful not to fuk up the heds, cuse, see, I git th ebraince. dinnr severed,

no refunz,.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 6 replies

Little Russia and DMZ Village

2006-12-21T06:10:34Z

I propose a new section to appeal to those nostalgic for the Cold War era.

It's housed in a poetic rendering of Mother Russia, with at least these elements:

* The Chernobyl Babies Erotic Acrobats! Show
* The Re-education through Labor Campgrounds
* Pogram Stetle! Historical Re-enactment Village
* Catherine The Great and Her Horse Riding Feats!
* Moscow Frozen Homeless-cicles
* The NKVD and Stasi Cookout.
* The DMZ Shooting Gallery

and we should open another branch of The Red Square Sushi Bar with its crowd-pleasing Polonium-210 Ebi Roll.

Feedback welcome and encouraged!

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 9 replies

Well, as long as he was molested by a Roman Catholic, it's fine. If he was getting molested by Protestant clergy, it'd be a real problem.

2006-11-13T04:34:27Z

maybe the cars in the ride could be replicas of primer gray dodge vans.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 15 replies

In keeping with the holiday spirit -- another visit to the haunted mosque

2006-11-05T04:37:06Z

Rooms 1-13: a chaos of desensitizing horror alternates and flails about. A form of animatronic assistance to the interrogation process in full compliance with Geneva convention standards on POW treatment.

Room 1: the haunted mosque entry. Over the gate in inscribed 'mekka lekka hi, mekka hiney ho'. The room fascade expands and stretches grotesquely to provide a hidden entry for the rest of the ride

Room 2: hallway of morphing paintings and NSA cameras inelegantly disguised.

room 3: Where family identifies the deceased laid out on ancient marble slabs as doctors segregate the shrapnel into two philisophic camps. Amid the cluttered table of bloodstained gauze swabs, a box of earplugs to mask the sound of screaming children are held a tantilizing distance away from the outstretched hands of the inmates as the ride files past.

room 4: Assigning blame amid the mourning process. A place to sharpen olive branches into punji sticks and selectively interpret religious doctrine to fulfill political and economic needs to control national resources.

room 5: Ghosts learn to act natural while strapped to a nail bomb.

Room 6: the sacrilege of tie wire and rebar inserted within the ancient confines of the onion dome. The outrage overshadows the aspirated film of blood and body parts covering the pockmarked walls.

7. Poking around the "source ponds".

8. The Gates of Delirium-- possibly a theme of nation building is installed here

9. All of our spooks will be unmasked.

10. The shit will hit the fan.

11. A dark room filled with screaming to imitate the concussive effects of shell shock. Growler effects and subsonic machines are activated to stimulate nausea and fear reactions.

room 12: The aftermath of a bus ramming into an outdoor shopping mall and exploding. Ride does an S-curve through the chamber of horrors.

Room 13: a holographic image of Mohammed wearing a bomb for a turban appears in the car as a ghost riding between the inmates. A graven image, the inmates attack, beating each other about the face and neck.

Ride ends.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 6 replies

The Green zone?

2006-10-01T15:38:37Z

Karl says we must have a moody den of intrigue somewhere in the park, preferably with a piano bar and stiff drinks. Says it must feel like a private club, a sort of home away from home where press corps and lobbyists can freely intermingle.

He specified that the restaurant should be subtly threatening in some way, without going into specifics . . .

-- other than no mind altering devices or frequencies would be used to guarantee unease. 100% ambiance is what he's looking for.

Any ideas?

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 20 replies

is there any way to get the pope involved?

2006-10-01T09:36:21Z

maybe there could be recordings of him chanting something or the other on the carousel type rides.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 10 replies

'Real' Storybookland -- Minutes from closed session

2006-09-25T12:46:16Z

Mike C: 'Real' Storybookland -- 2006/06/20 22:46

One of the new rides added to the 'Virgin Fantasyland' section of the park has been tenatively titled 'Real' Storybookland, I'm hoping to develop this as a kiddie ride for adults.

In other words, a forced childhood ride.

Should this require the standard regiment of drugs or can we do this with pure outside stimulation?

I'm looking for design perspectives. Maybe have the boats travel through waters tinged with red ink. Of course, we'll have to post signs saying that the red color is ink and not blood.
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Mike C: 'Real' Storybookland - 2006/06/20 22:48

Unless you think using blood is a good idea. After all, it is a renewable resource -- and allows us to put some spin on the ride without actually spinning it.
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Rockstar: 'Real' Storybookland - 2006/06/20 23:29

*toke*

If the patrons are middle-class Americans, there's probably no point in stimulus, even drugs, at first. Most of them are one Xanax away from a shrieking Janovian meltdown any event.

The proper psychoaffective state for vectors can probably be induced by handing out cracked lollipops on the bus over, taking care to be 3-5 short for everybody at all times. Once through the red-ink canal, past the Indifferent Parent ticket-punch (long lines, spotty service) and into the School Industrial Complex, the REAL fun begins.

I'd say nothing less than a triple-clinical dose of LSD-25 meets the case once we have 'em through the double-doors of PS 666, kidz. A jello-shot on the way in should do it.
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sluggo: 'Real' Storybookland - 2006/06/21 22:50

Don't forget the "Parents of the World" exhibit, where an audioanimatronic Mom and Dad take vicious swipes at each other with broken liquor bottles. After a bloody catfight they turn on YOU, and blame all their unhappiness on YOU because if YOU were not BORN, then they'd still be childless and free.

This ride will segue straight into the "I Shouldn't Have Been Born" Tunnel of Toxic Sludge. Boats cost extra.

You can save some bucks by hiring my parents. They may not be audioanimatronic, but they'll work really, really cheap.
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Mike C: 'Real' Storybookland - 2006/06/21 23:32

I think we can lead up to broken liquor bottles in the parents of the world exhibit. Of course, in this case, we are a prison and therefore must act as parents to the inmates . . . the parents they never had.

Therefore the machine must continuously thrust verbal abuse into the faces of the inmates and wildly threaten with liquor bottles. A Melvin machine might also be handy if adjustments can be made on the uniforms to accomodate, along with further psychological abuse.

At the end of the ride, an animatronic representative of the warden will be available to console the parkgoers.

That or a chicken wire monkey covered in terrycloth.
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sluggo: 'Real' Storybookland - 2006/06/22 01:36

You might want to have a surgeon handy to perform impromptu tube-tyings and vasectomies upon individuals who have been so mentally strafed by the ride that they will never wish to reproduce for the rest of their natural lives.

You could also sell a lot of those chicken-wire monkeys covered in terrycloth. It probably would be an improvement over the Real Meat Mama which other, less foresighted parks are providing.
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Mike C: 'Real' Storybookland - 2006/06/22 23:56

We have 10,000 plush Allahs on order. Gaza will be well stocked on opening day.
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Mike C: 'Real' Storybookland - 2006/06/23 00:10

Rockstar:

I am concerned about providing acid (especially tripple doses) in 'Real' Storybookland, as is Karl. There's far too much variation of effect for the staff to deal with, especially when involving our guests in otherwise friendly banter. In conference, he suggested Thorazine as an alternative.

Studies have shown Thorazine provides better history retention than other Psychotropics. However, FEMA says the stabbing stations are currently at surplus so it's possible we can do some domestic adventuring if you and Franco are up for frying a few extras.
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sluggo: 'Real' Storybookland - 2006/06/23 02:40

As a matter of fact, by way of coincidence, I have been experimenting on weekends with various psychomimetic drugs mixed into a sort of "soup" with various other ingredients added, including some old cleaning products I had under my sink (such as a half-used rusting tube of Didi 7 and some Zud) and an old bottle of Night Train.

Results have been promising, though the first Test Batch (winos recruited from the local bowling alley) didn't hang around long enough to produce any concrete results, but went staggering out into the street claiming to have seen cloud apparitions of the Four Horsemen plus Regis Philbin. All in all, a splendid start, but more research is needed before we can manufacture the Happy Juice in bulk. Plus I admittedly haven't checked to see how it works in conjunction with a stabbing station, because there was no way I was going to let a bunch of juiced-up wandering bowling jockeys anywhere near my Dansk cutlery.
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Rockstar: 'Real' Storybookland - 2006/06/23 05:17

Thorazine is a perfectly fine off-the-floor psychotropic for use in photo ops and Democratic National Conventions, but I wonder if we should be giving guests a chemical lobotomy that early into the show. We don't want a Potemkin Village effect.

Scratch that. Yes we do.

*toke*

Right, let's pull Franco and some extras, lay in some thorazine, ibogaine and ketamine and wheel this mutt into the soundstage in Sofia. We'll announce it in VARIETY as "Untitled Joel Schumacher Project."

*beep*

Yeah, baby. How's dat sweet ass? Gimme Regis Philbin's agent.
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Mike C: 'Real' Storybookland - 2006/06/23 21:26

"a Potemkin Village effect"

Hmmmmmm . . . remind me: Who do we have currently in charge of 'No Child Left Behind'? Seems we already have a perfect fascade of literacy ready made. If we look over the stats, it's possible we have someone in the education department we can lean on for grants, possibly a redirection from the war effort we can redistribute toward a civics lesson.

Who's in charge of the clipboard brigade. Lets get some of our prime lobbyists pushed as write-in candidates. No one's going to ever question the content of the petition as long as we stick the shape of a marajuana leaf somewhere on the stationary. We can have them circulate either in line or on conveyor belts running alongside the interior of 'real' storybookland.

Nailing the kids feet to a moving walkway might induce a negative response to conditioning. Should we look at velcro or anaesthetics?

Can you pith a human?

In addition to petitioners, we can also have High School kids loaded up on Paraquat used as CG models in the red ink tunnels. It can be a perfect simulation of a drug resistant strain of TB . . .

Possibly we should divi this group with our 'Cholera of the Euphrates' animatronic musical and sluice ride.
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Mike C: 'Real' Storybookland - 2006/07/01 13:32

'One Xanex away' might be a ride for Bulgarian Euromartyr. It in itself could be it's own ride, like one of those little electric carts that take fat people through the terminal so they get to their plane on time. Those people always look happy, there should be a theme park ride to commemerate the occasion.

On another Xanex related note: The boats in real storybook land . . .

Should they be cast in the shape of a large Xanex or are there other pharmaceuticals we should mix into the models? And how many hypoallergenic pillows will we need for each boat? I'm taking a trip to Target and feel I should make a list.
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Rockstar: 'Real' Storybookland - 2006/07/01 16:51

Mike C. wrote:
If we look over the stats, it's possible we have someone in the education department we can lean on for grants, possibly a redirection from the war effort we can redistribute toward a civics lesson.

Possibly we should divi this group with our 'Cholera of the Euphrates' animatronic musical and sluice ride.***

High school kids will be rather badly needed in the "Iranamok" secition. Islam Karimov's on the hook for 1000 Samarkand teenagers to play Revolutionary Guards and I hired an armed-nilhilist theatre group in Prague for Delta Force, but we'll need all the fucked-up jihadists we can, er, recruit.

*toke*

I don't see any problem with the money. The Century City office can bash up a dummy animation company with a Seoul P.O. box and after that we can just attach a hose to any part of the Department of Ed and begin pumping. We may have to storyboard a few cartoons, but that's as far as it'll go. Once that's rolling, we simply wash through the Lichtenstein bank for the usual 2%.

Any predators for the red-ink canal?
______________________________________________________________________

Mike C: 'Real' Storybookland - 2006/09/04 13:57

Speaking of tangents, I think we need a expansion on action in the "Honey I Martyred the Kids" shock ride and musical theater to accomodate tribal infighting and civil war. Saxby and the laborers are working on an pre-fab Geodesic dome to house the action, with plenty of trap doors and random entry for participants.

We're generating a huge cost overrun on Kevlar on this exhibit so we may have to send more National Guard into the hot zone to cut down the per-capita spending on body armor.

On a related note: Peace Corps in Iraq hasn't gone over too well. Our boys in PR need to step up the advertising campaign, possibly we need to resaturate the CMH marketplace for a restock of fresh bodies.

Howabout a badger game for the clinically depressed? If anything, it'll be a way to boost morale for shadowforce.
______________________________________________________________________

Cuddly Rainbow Snuggles: 'Real' Storybookland - 2006/09/06 17:11

Mike C. wrote:
Speaking of tangents, I think we need a expansion on action in the "Honey I Martyred the Kids" shock ride and musical theater to accomodate tribal infighting and civil war. Saxby and the laborers are working on an pre-fab Geodesic dome to house the action, with plenty of trap doors and random entry for participants.

We're generating a huge cost overrun on Kevlar on this exhibit so we may have to send more National Guard into the hot zone to cut down the per-capita spending on body armor.

On a related note: Peace Corps in Iraq hasn't gone over too well. Our boys in PR need to step up the advertising campaign, possibly we need to resaturate the CMH marketplace for a restock of fresh bodies.

Howabout a badger game for the clinically depressed? If anything, it'll be a way to boost morale for shadowforce.***

What we need is a "watch a bum fuck your feet ride"
(all participants will get to enter a wet T-shirt contest free of charge)
_____________________________________________________________________

Mike C: 'Real' Storybookland - 2006/09/06 22:38

I think we already have this ride installed in Embargoland for all the kids who are forced into quiet time because they can't handle their doses. Only here, the fun is administered by authority figures under the guise of park security.

Technically, the ride is not on the park map. It's actually more like a complementary service. The service personnel usually call it the 'how much can we get away with' ride, but it's very much an inside joke round these parts.
______________________________________________________________________

Mike C: 'Real' Storybookland - 2006/09/06 23:03

Is this the "Untitled Joel Schumacher Project" that everyone's been talking about?
______________________________________________________________________

Sluggo: 'Real' Storybookland - 2006/09/16 12:58

I thought it was the "So You Think You Can Dance Mania" ergotism project, which got stalled because nobody could find an efficient system for recycling all the gangrenous toes and fingers which would have become detached from the participants at random intervals.

A salad bar had been mentioned at that time, but it was quietly shelved because the dipping sauce for the toes and fingers didn't pan out in the labs.

However, with the fabulous new opportunity provided by the recent E. coli spinach jamboree, the salad bar has been given a new lease on life, and some of the short boys in Research are hard at work again, crunching numbers and zesty toe toppings with equal enthusiasm.
______________________________________________________________________

-- End Transmission --

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 9 replies

Devaluation ride at Martyrland -- Minutes from closed session

2006-09-23T15:14:17Z

Mike C: The devaluation ride at Martyrland - 2006/05/09 20:57

I think it's time for us to have a ride made up of people exchanging their E tickets for D and C tickets while waiting in line for the new F tickets.

I envision the ride to take place in a dirty piss-drenched system of stucco caves.

Where do you see this ride: 'The Great Satan' or 'Zealot Re-educationtown'?
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Rockstar: The devaluation ride at Martyrland - 2006/05/10 00:04

The Great Satan, certainly!

The important thing is we stick to tradition on this. No one expects anything like value-for-money in an amusement park, so it's important they lose at least 75% on the transaction. The ticket vendors at the oldtime American carnies settled for nothing less and neither will the public.

I'm not sure about the ride itself... I'm channeling something having to do with pneumatic tubes and and mirrored surfaces, maybe? Serious vector disorientation, with or without psychotropics.
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Mike C: The devaluation ride at Martyrland - 2006/05/10 00:07

I'm wondering if there's any way to devalue the alphabet. Drugs perhaps?

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sluggo: The devaluation ride at Martyrland - 2006/05/11 12:28

Mike C. wrote:

"I envision the ride to take place in a dirty piss-drenched system of stucco caves."

I am in the position of being able to donate a large quantity of raccoon shit, which may not be as fresh as you'd want, but turns out to be a biohazard. A hazmat team has to go in and remove it, after which I can have it sealed into large drums and shipped to the park. It's something to think about. You could tie it in with a rabid petting zoo or something equally nice for the kiddies!
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Mike C: The devaluation ride at Martyrland - 2006/05/13 15:38

'Cholera of the Euphrates' is a biohazard ride.

I don't think there's a need to feature raccoon shit on this ride but feel free to dump it in the waters if it's convenient. I'm sure it will add spice to the slurry dripping off our burning rattlesnake train parade.

In the case of this ride, drinking the water will cause hallucinatory effects. It is something our promotional team needs to work on.
______________________________________________________________________

-- End Transmission --

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 18 replies

Stalinist to Islam Conversion Cave -- Minutes from closed session

2006-09-17T17:56:21Z

Mike C: Stalinist to Islam conversion cave - 2006/04/15 16:12

Now that Saddam's on trial, I'm beginning to see the possibility for another ride in Zealot Re-education Town. I think we decided that the cartoon riot should be a roller coaster so why not make this a spin ride.

Only problem: How do we make a cave spin? I'd like to see some design specs before we start construction.
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Rockstar: Stalinist to Islam conversion cave - 2006/04/19 01:27

It would be hellishly expensive, but you can dig a hole into the side of the mountain, burrow beneath an already-extant cave and install a modular revolving floor, rather like a cross between one of the dioramas they still have at the Museum of Natural History and the spin rides at Coney Island a few miles away.

The spin can land prospective converts in either a hockey-goal style "safe zone" of conversion or the gas-powered flames ringing the rest of the 360-degrees...

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Cuddly Rainbow Snuggles: Stalinist to Islam conversion cave - 2006/04/19 09:23

Let's not forget the interior design masterpiece...

Grand Marshall Tito's...

Bunker...
He had it decorated w/baroque french furniture and many masterful works of art.

There's no reason a tyrant shouldn't be comfortable...

while his bunker is being stormed.
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Cuddly Rainbow Snuggles: Stalinist to Islam conversion cave - 2006/04/19 09:26

We don't have to make the cave spin...
the re-education drugs will do that for us.

We can sell throw-up bags w/a cute mascot on them for...
an exhorbitant price.
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Mike C: Stalinist to Islam conversion cave - 2006/04/19 19:42

I think disrupting the semicircular canals with subsonic frequencies might be more reliable than drugs. If only we could manage to stop the bleeding . . .

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Cuddly Rainbow Snuggles: Stalinist to Islam conversion cave - 2006/04/20 01:30

What we need is a narcotic that is designed to mask it's own signature... and be a clotting agent as well.

Perhaps we could sell a wake up juice drink ...
for those who don't want to be high for three weeks.

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Mike C: Stalinist to Islam conversion cave - 2006/04/22 15:03

I think the main thing we want to do now is spend a lot of money as quickly as we possibly can -- so we may reap a necessary percentage of the profits.

I think this means an emphasis on architectural nightmares over drugs or mental alteration. This comes later once we have the money.

Alterations in the future can be sloppy and cheap as necessity lowers the standards of perfection.
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mateo: Stalinist to Islam conversion cave - 2006/04/22 17:19

can i be the barker?

๓ậтëø
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Mike C: Stalinist to Islam conversion cave - 2006/04/24 11:49

It's probably safer to be a press secretary at this park.

Many of our barkers are already protein-starved, prion-infested Nigerian, Somalian or Ethiopian refugees.
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Rockstar: Stalinist to Islam conversion cave - 2006/04/24 14:57

Safer still to be one of the body-armored thugs from KBR we'll need on hand to move through the crowd and shove the less-willing Stalinists into the Conversion Cyclotron.

Still, we need a head barker/character... how much facial "work" would Mateo need to be make a fair Islam Karimov?
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Mike C: Stalinist to Islam conversion cave - 2006/04/24 19:45

The eyes are good, I don't think any work would be needed there. We'd have to completely remove Mateo's chin and do a face pinch with the remaining skin, maybe make an incision the entire way around and make the lift at the nose.

We could just leave the gauze pads under the skin for the fattening effect. They're already sterile so there's no danger of infection.
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sluggo: Stalinist to Islam conversion cave - 2006/04/25 00:30

Wouldn't it be cheaper to put a spin inside the cave instead of making the cave spin? Like: a giant sucking Whirlpool of Doom which would splat everybody against the cave's walls in a fun-filled, bonecrunching, happy and wet Jamboree of Joy? Besides, don't most despots enjoy a little water sports once in a while?

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Rockstar: Stalinist to Islam conversion cave - 2006/04/25 00:50

Greetings, Sluggo! There's coffee, Danish and Beluga on the tray over by the window and Francis Coppola sent us some red wine wine and Oliver Stone hash in the humidor yonder. The DGA is really looking for our bidness.

Water sports is right! At some point, Karimov should piss some blue ammonia into the crowd...

*toke*
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Mike C: Stalinist to Islam conversion cave - 2006/04/25 21:01

There is no longer any room for us to be cheap. We need to sink some money into Martyrland and we need to do it in a hurry.

I say we build a spinning mountain around a fixed cave. It will be our way of bringing the mountain to Mohammed.
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sluggo: Stalinist to Islam conversion cave - 2006/04/25 22:20

If money's no object, why don't you just SHIP the mountain to Mohammed, with everybody inside it? Invite all the jackasses and the rich scumbags and make 'em pay through the nose by invoking their sense of status and coddled privilege.

1. Build mountain.
2. Print flyers:
"MOUNTAIN: IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO FLY!"
--
"TRAVEL IN STYLE VIA MOUNTAIN! GETTING THERE IS HALF THE FUN"
---
"THE OTHER HALF OF THE FUN IS GETTING OUT OF THE MOUNTAIN"
3. Invite rich jackasses and assorted wealthy scumbags and make 'em pay through the nose by invoking their sense of status and coddled privilege.
4. Collect money and/or cash all (certified) checks. No credit cards.
5. Ship the mountain (FedEx is nice) to Mohammed.
6. Did we mention there is no exit from the mountain?

Repeat 1-6 with new crew of wealthy replaceable drones until somebody catches on or the Nobel crew awards a medal

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Rockstar: Stalinist to Islam conversion cave - 2006/04/25 22:51

Hm. The only problem I see with the foregoing is that we'll be MAKING money by the ton instead of LOSING it that same way!

*toke*

*faraway look*

Did the Wall Street Maze of Mammon project ever get past the blueprint stage?

*punch numbers*

Acmed! Sup? Look, you know that builder guy of yours in Riyadh? Could you get his specs on the dollar bills-to-bricks idea we discussed? Yeah, yeah. Today.

*beep*

OK, we can pour the profits we slough off the Mountain into the Maze of Mammon idea Jodorowsky came to us with last year. We'll doubtless have some leftover billionaires for this exhibit.
______________________________________________________________________
Mike C: Stalinist to Islam conversion cave - 2006/04/30 17:01

The mountain project has gotten a reluctant OK from Karl, but only for retirement opportunities and philanthropic fronts.

Currently, our black subs are herding an iceberg in from the Greenland coast. Rising three hundred feet above water, this berg is getting draped in polyethelene and our engineers are installing a nuclear powered heat pump for it's trip down America's coast. Minerals dredged up from the sea floor are being sucked up by venturi feedback created by the passage of sea water against forward momentum. These will be used to cover the plastic coating and create further insulating and asthetic appeal.

Our elder and useless billionaires unable to compete within the maze of Mammon will be retired here when they are unable to pay necessary tithes toward 'our' national security. The effect of pleasuring on the mountain yacht should be very ninth circle, something that will be sure to spur our wealthy patrons to greater and more innovative efforts to exploit monetary postions in the coming years.

The maze of mammon may be a redundancy. However, I imagine a cheap cubicle system should be implimented for mid level tools to earn a way toward a room or corner office. Of course, all of this will probably need to take place in a fairly large underground cavern.

This probably won't be a Guantanamo based operation. May I suggest some land in NoCal? I find a nostalgic appeal to gold mining lore.

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Mike C: Stalinist to Islam conversion cave - 2006/05/09 00:28

sluggo wrote:
"Wouldn't it be cheaper to put a spin inside the cave instead of making the cave spin? Like: a giant sucking Whirlpool of Doom which would splat everybody against the cave's walls in a fun-filled, bonecrunching, happy and wet Jamboree of Joy?"

*****Kind of like this one.

Friday, May 22, 1981 - In an accident in Rochester, New York, a 14-year-old female was crushed to death after having apparently fallen from an amusement ride. The ride featured electric-powered cars riding along a track. After the girl had left the car, she fell into a rotating barrel, which then forced her body through a 5-by-7-inch gap into a small space underneath the track of the ride.

. . . I think we can get sponsorship from Play-Doh.
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Mike C: Stalinist to Islam conversion cave - 2006/05/09 00:33

Rockstar wrote:

"Water sports is right! At some point, Karimov should piss some blue ammonia into the crowd..."

We still have the design on 'Cholera of the Euphrates' to think about. Last I checked, the animatronics were in disarray.
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sluggo: Stalinist to Islam conversion cave - 2006/05/09 15:59

Mike C. wrote:

"Friday, May 22, 1981 - In an accident in Rochester, New York, a 14-year-old female was crushed to death after having apparently fallen from an amusement ride. The ride featured electric-powered cars riding along a track. After the girl had left the car, she fell into a rotating barrel, which then forced her body through a 5-by-7-inch gap into a small space underneath the track of the ride.

. . . I think we can get sponsorship from Play-Doh."

Wow! Now that's using your thinking cap. "It's fun when you play IN the Fun Factory!"

_____________________________________________________________________

-- end transmission --

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 0 replies

Need updates from the stabbing stations

2006-05-28T20:33:22Z

We have a commercial brewing at one of our New York fronts. We need raw data on the appearance of socially acceptable young people to update our records. Leads on what the youth are thinking, costuming trends . . . all that is necessary to film a thirty second spot for a coke commercial.

We want to be ahead of MTV on this thing Shekky.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 20 replies

Put on these sunglasses

2006-04-10T08:53:01Z

http://www.free-association.net/index.php?option=com_associations&task=displayAssociation&id=165

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 1 reply

USA TODAY

2006-03-10T00:22:06Z

As I'm looking at the new rushes on the cartoon riot, I'm starting to notice the potential for a ride where we pull random strangers out of their cars, handcuff them, drag them to a ditch on the side of the road and shoot them. Poor sportsmanship seems to be a theme within the new parameters of this Cartoon, yet this episode seems to be a side of Droopy that we all missed.

Generally, all of my collegues are considering this a new low especially when we evaluate the old numbers on the 'Reginold Denny's Skull Trauma Express.' We thought this one was supposed to be an instant reject but times seem to be changing.

To gauge this shift in opinion, we're trying out a new poll in Wednesday's USA Today. I'd like to see if we can come up with some insiteful questions before Tuesday's deadline. Maybe we get some honest numbers so our marketing team will have something to work with. Expect some help from the Gorgon, she's gonna sit in on Friday when we start picking over the new trends.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 13 replies

work begins on the haunted mosque

2006-02-24T23:05:36Z

I need a picture of the elevator room as a descent into the
Great Satan. Who's got it?

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 50 replies

EMBARGOLAND

2006-02-23T00:58:21Z

Has to go in Martyrland. The ticket booths can be their own named and themed section of the park.

It might be wise to set this up as a perimeter. It will be the land of security measures as no one here gets a free ride. It can also double as a place to store hippies who get too bummed on their blotter. The effects probably should be anticipated.

I can see this also being a sort of 'Embargo of the Carribean' ride.

Comments?

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 51 replies

Re-education town

2006-02-21T02:37:41Z

In the current map of the Guantanamo Bay remodel, our contractors have yet to find the 'weapons of mass destructionville' anywhere in our plans.

This has opened up design ideas for a new section of the park which we are tenatively calling 'Zealot Re-educatown' -- the happiest place for 'rendition' of information on Earth.

Rides are forthcoming. Stay tuned.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 13 replies

back on the team again

2006-01-07T02:25:01Z

no way i could back out of this project with the amount of work we need to have done.

as you all might see by my header photo, i've discovered another source of rattlesnakes (and alligators) that we'll be able to fit into our plan somehow-maybe extracting the venom from these slithering demons and keeping it in controlled storage for later use will serve our purposes.

who's got any ideas on the use of small doses of snake venom to keep park visitors under control?

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 11 replies

S-O-S . . . S-O-S . . .

2005-10-30T07:00:25Z

I think we will reserve the peg boy apparatus for the Trumbo ride.

The Trumbo is a sort of carousel. People ride on faceless quadruple amputees lying on hospital gurneys. The gurneys are locked in place and the room spins, prividing the illusion of movement.

There are projections screens that make up the inner walls of the ride and these begin with darkness. As the riders jerk the peg boy controls up and down, the projections on the interior wall of the room lighten up, becoming more surreal and optimistic. The more the peg is moved, the happier the projected dream sequence becomes.

I think Levy and Moranis should be prepped and ready to go by the time we near completion.

Any thoughts on improving this ride?

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 0 replies

The 9-11 ride begins construction

2005-10-27T04:57:12Z

Our production team just secured funding for the construction of a quarter scale replica of the World Trade Center. This will be in the center of the park as a sort of bridge between Virgin Fantasyland and the Great Satan.

We need to incorporate a ride into the World Trade Center. Anyone have any ideas?

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 12 replies

An update on Insurgency Kingdom

2005-10-20T04:30:34Z

Seems we have a decent amount of rides for this park thus far. A list includes:

1. The haunted mosque
2. The hunt for unexploded ordinance (possibly minesweeper)
3. Cholera Log Flume (Cholera of the Euphrates - poss alt)
4. Amusement Graveyard
5. The rattlesnake trains will make a stop here.

Anyone have suggestions for any other rides in this section of the park? We are about to get into map production and we need to finalize some portions of Martyrland prior to construction.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 6 replies

Just wonderin'

2005-10-18T21:56:59Z

Who's on the coathanger?

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 20 replies

The fate of Rick Moranis

2005-10-18T17:13:07Z

For all the world to see, a 58-year-old actor, who has committed no crime, will die of dehydration and starvation in the longest public execution in American history.

Rick Moranis, beloved character actor of stage and screen, currently breathes on his own and maintains his own blood pressure at the Guantanamo forced amusement themepark "Martyrland". If left to his own device, all Moranis requires is a simple tube inserted down through his esophagus to his stomach to pump nourishment and hydration.

This basic right is about to be denied.

On Sept. 23, Happyland Design Team Inc scheduled September 30, 2005 as the day Rick's feeding tube would be removed. At the same time, Happyland denies any rehabilitation for the disabled actor or a chance to be spoon-fed.

Team Disney is fighting tenaciously to keep Rick Moranis alive, but they have been basically blocked at every turn from the beginning. Team Disney, represented by Robert Iger, states that Rick Moranis is not brain-dead or comatose, and breathes naturally on his own. "Although brain-damaged, he is not in a persistent vegetative state, he is merely resting."

Happyland Design Team Inc., chief contractor for Martyrland detention facilities, has declared Rick Moranis to be in a persistent vegetative state. Furthermore, agents for Happyland state that Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfield has signed off the removal of Rick's feeding tube on the basis of EKG evidence and photos.

Disney Team, acting in Moranis' defense, stated that Rumsfield has never gone to see Moranis or followed his career in motion pictures, stating in transcript that Moranis was "only a fortunate canuck leeching off the american military complex in America's greatest time of need."

Furthermore, Disney states that Rumsfield has shown no interest in evaluating if Moranis' persistant vegetative state firsthand, allowing speculation that Rick Moranis is indeed responsive beyond mere reflexes.

The American Civil Liberties Union, which would be passionately criticizing state court decisions and demanding due process if Rick were a convict on death row, has shamefully served as co-counsel for Happyland Design Team Inc and it's founder Karl Sennata, in their insistent desire to have Rick Moranis die.

Iger and Roy Disney, in discussing this case with ACLU executive director Anthony Romero, state that there was no examination of the facts concerning the egregious conflicts of interest of Moranis' employer, Happyland Design Team Inc., who has been negotiating with agents in Hollywood and abroad for a replacement who fits the physical and emotional demands of the lead role in the 'Honey I Martyred the Kids' virtual reality ride. Furthermore, Iger states that Happyland has violated a long list of legal responsibilities as Moranis' employer, some of them directly resulting in his current vegetative state. He states further that Federal agencies have since ignored all charges of neglect and active abuse by Happyland Design.

Among many other violations of his due process rights, Rick Moranis has never been allowed access to due process on any judiciary level in the legal system of the United States courts.

Conclusions in this case have been reinforced by strict adherence to Patriot Act reforms and catagorically upheld by military tribunal —everything serving to have Happyland Design Team Inc. as sole executor of Moranis' contractual obligation. For the record, they have stated that this obligation will be "pursued to it's fullest extent."

On September 19, 2005, Disney's Department of Children and Families presented a 34-page document listing charges of neglect, abuse, and exploitation of Rick Moranis by his employers, with a request for 60 days to fully investigate charges of torture and chemical cohersion into contractual obligations.

Happyland Design team, exercising their exclusion to constitutional rights of due process, rejected the 60-day extension.

Happyland states that Rick's motor reflexes were tested thoroughly up to his cerebral incident, but since then, all testing has ceased. Happyland lawyer Karl Sennata, speaking on behalf of Pixar, insists Rick Moranis once stated at a meeting of investors that he didn't want to survive by artificial means, nor did he want a share of merchandising following balloon payments in 2001 on advance royalties.

Rick's employer, Happyland Design Team Inc., maintains that once Moranis' feeding tube is removed at his insistent command, Rick Moranis "will drift off into a nice little sleep and eventually pass on and be with God."

Robert Iger, acting on behalf of Disney Team investments, has repeatedly stated that Rick Moranis has never had an MRI or a PET scan, nor a thorough neurological examination. During a speech to stockholders on September 23, Iger renewed his request for a slate of tests and examinations of Moranis, stating reasonably that, "I would think you would want a complete neurological exam" before determining he must die.

In addition, Disney Team Inc. firmly states that due process has been lethally absent in Rick Moranis' short merciless bid at a comback attempt. "If this were a death penalty case, this evidence would demand reconsideration. Yet, an innocent, disabled actor is receiving less justice. . . . This case is rife with doubt. Justice demands that Rick be permitted to live."

Polls around the country clearly state that a considerable majority of Americans have no interest in Rick Moranis or his current whereabouts.

Moreover, 70 percent of stockholders felt strongly that it was wrong for Disney to get involved in contractual matters since it plainly states that contractual obligations have since expired and merchandising on Moranis' involvement with Disney franchises have long since diminished with 'Honey I Shrunk' action figures dropping sales in exponential numbers. In such a case, advocates state that a "death with dignity." might boost calls for a reissue of said action figures as well as create a renewed interest in the 'Honey I Shrunk' franchise for which they have point shares.

In his objection, Iger further stated that Happyland Design Team Inc has ordered that no attempts be made to provide Moranis water or food by mouth.

"This is a criminal act as Moranis currently swallows his own saliva. Spoon feeding is not medical treatment and therefore is criminal for an actor of Moranis' reputation to be denied access to baby food. This outrageous order proves that Happyland Design Team Inc and it's associated investors are not merely permitting medical treatment to be withheld, they have in fact ordered Rick Moranis to be made dead and all but signed orders for his excecution."

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 15 replies

profits from vomit

2005-10-17T04:27:28Z

amusement park rides often make the riders throw up.

can we re-use the vomit somehow and turn a profit from it?

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 25 replies

HONEY I MARTYRED THE KIDS

2005-09-21T03:24:39Z

Unlimitless potential on this one people. I see an excellent crossover market; with players getting a view from both sides of the fence. We've been told to make this a stage show with virtual reality effects but I got hints from the last meeting that we can stray from the map a bit. The military complex has given us an unlimited budget for the show and I've been advised to spend freely.

Let's roll and remember . . . pull no punches.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 65 replies

Make your dream a reality

2005-09-17T17:58:03Z

The Wings Hauser Coathanger Coaster is set for it's development phase. Each member of the tribe is welcome to send in photos of your coathanger designs to the Happyland Design Gallery for judgment by the investors.

Raid your closets, make the necessary twists and turns and thrill us all with your interpretation of the career and singular achievement of the immortal Wings Hauser!

Submission deadline for this event is November 30, 2005. Winning designers will get a lifetime landmark grant and a framable certification from Happyland that proudly states your career-topping achievement to your peers and clients.

Thank you in advance,

Mike C.
Sales Tzar/ Happyland Design Team Inc.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 26 replies

New Contract

2005-09-12T02:42:39Z

Happyland Design Inc. has just landed it's bid as chief contractor of the new Guantanamo Bay detention facility. We are designing a 400 acre facility with mass appeal for detainees. Tenatively slated as 'Martyrland', the facility will eschew the traditional trappings of prison life and become in the words of our great designer, Karl Sennata a 'forced amusement' camp that will generate much needed tourism dollars for the Military Complex.

Martyrland Plans include a division of themes including:
"The Great Satan Land"
"Insurgency Kingdom"
"Virgin Fantasyland"
"White Phosphorus Mountain"
"Weapons of Mass Destructionville"
"Kurd Country Jamboree"

Space for several other villages is planned. Each of these separate theme kingdoms will have several rides and attractions providing amusement for detainees and tourists wishing to capture a real glimpse of the Middle Eastern conflict.

Happyland's team of imagineers will be ready for this important project and several others in the upcoming months. Bids are coming in even as we speak and with our reputation for sticking to the 'bottom line', we all should have a very successful fiscal season.

Everyone put on your thinking caps and warm up your CAD. Martyrland plans to break ground in March 2006. We need rides ready to go, entertainment and shows, as well as a merchandise center that will appeal to an across the board demographic.

Lets not drop the ball on this one.

Mike C.
Sales Manager
Happyland Design Inc.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 39 replies

Reality-based Fantasy Island

2005-09-10T22:40:38Z

My friend Suzen & I came up with Reality Island, a reality-TV show based on Fantasy Island. Though it started as a television concept, this could easily be adapted to be an amusement park ride.

The contestants are locked into a ranch-style house and only given food and water that contains LSD or PCP. Then they are bombarded with violent and sexual imagery projected through the windows, the only lights are strobelights, and music is blared 24/7. The ride operators can monitor all of the participants and say anything they want over loudspeakers.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 18 replies

Angel Mountain research page

2005-08-29T04:47:48Z

www.moviebadgirls.com/favpage1.html

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 0 replies

The Catfight

2005-08-27T17:18:05Z

How do you think we should design this ride?

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 0 replies

The Rory Calhoun

2005-08-24T22:02:43Z

Thinking along the lines of a roller coaster at Angel Mountain.

The Rory Calhoun can start with his ascension as a star of fifties era westerns. The roller coaster can have the chain pull up to the top punctuated with colt six shooters firing off on either side of the track. At the top of the ride, you get a picture of Rory co-starring with Marilyn Monroe in 'Ain't Misbehavin'. There's a big smile on his face now at the peak of the ride and he goes through a gate with the words 'look at me' embossed in blue neon.

At this point, the coaster stares down the hill and the chain lets loose. A camera flashes, capturing the moment of terror as the riders plunge into a three hundred eighty foot shear drop into the darkness of an underground tunnel.

Once inside, the ride becomes a blur of green sandpaper and crude cardboard models. Rabbits the size of wolves with teeth like saber-toothed tigers take playful swipes at the cars while they make hairpin turns. At the end of this section, the ride plunges into Janet Leigh's bell-bottoms, riding the narrowing polyester field in a corkscrew loop.

The ride hurtles out with blazing speed into the jerky factory from Motel Hell. Dream machines blaze on all sides, prompting the ride into the simulation of an epileptic seizure. The track does hundred eighty degree shifts in the wall of a trough, rising from one side to the next as it blasts up through the ground for a thirty foot quick acension and rapid decline. Allowing riders to snatch a breath of clean air before plunging into Hollywood.

Concrete, spandex and guns a-blazin, the ride intrudes on a turf war. Scantily clad girls with big guns do battle with Ike Turner clones as Tricked out Monte Carlos and Impalas smash into each other on all sides. A junkie tries to lift your wallet and immediatly the coaster decends into cat fight mode -- hairpin turns, corkscrew loops down and up, a tight classic 360 degree loop and it shoots out into the light, with all riders coming out smelling of cheap perfume as they return to the station.

Any thoughts on the new ride? Ideas and improvements?

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 0 replies

Adult Theme Park

2005-08-24T14:49:20Z

I am planning an adult theme park, complete with whore houses, brothels, gay bath houses, wife swapping party rooms, crack whore hotels, back alley blow jobs, and big executive chairs you can sit in and get a blow job from a secretary who is hidden under your desk.

Can't think of what attractions to offer exclusively for the ladies. Got some consultants working on it. They are tougher customers, you know. Not so easily turned on by the visual rides.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 6 replies

Merchandise at Angel Mountain

2005-08-23T02:06:10Z

After several experiments, it seems best to freeze the cisco and shave it in it's pure form. This goes for Mad Dog and Irish Rose. For some reason, the Brass Monkey freezes at a lower temperature.

It does seem as if we have a mobile concession stand available. I'm also thinking we can have nitrous hits available as an offshoot of the cooling system.

Nothin a G like better than a nitrous balloon and a shaved Mad Dog for those hot summer days. Any other ideas on concessions and merchandise?

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 0 replies

hello

2005-08-22T07:56:22Z

I am Satan.

Pleased to meet you.

posted in HAPPYLAND DESIGN TEAM INC. - 15 replies