Hello all....I'm new to tribe, and new to accepting my HSV2. I really find this to be a blessing in disguise.......to have HSV2 that is vs. HIV or something A LOT more life altering. For me, I take this as a positive thing....(literally...hahaha)....walking away from the negative, and turning it into a positive....allowing my HSV2 to be a filter for future partners. I feel it is my obligation to FULLY inform a partner whom I feel I may be intimate with that I have HSV2. However, I did want to know what some people's outlooks are. If you always practice safe sex, and oral sex isn't involved.....do you feel it's your obligation to inform the person you're going to sleep with that you have HSV2?? Most of us just want to stay away from the social stigma....I however do openly talk to my friends about it, b/c if they are wise they will learn from my mistake. But, if you're sexually active w/ HSV2, take Valtrex on a daily basis, and practice safe sex.....SERIOUSLY...how much of a risk is there for your partner???? I know some of the stats, but I'd rather hear of personal stories....the stats I don't think are all that accurate. Besides, each person has a different strain of HSV2, some more severe than others....PERSONAL experiences...no copy and pasting from a web MD site....
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Re: Being Positive for HPV, and Casual Safe Sex.
Mon, May 21, 2007 - 8:10 PMI am (usually) good about telling potential partners (if I don't tell them it's usually what I know to be a one night stand and I use protection and avoid oral on me). Also, I have one outbreak a year (or almost and outbreak, I can feel it coming and head it off with Aclyovir) and have never given it to anyone. Of course, guys can carry and not know it, but none of my past partners have passed it on that I know of yet.
I was with someone who was really worried about the oral aspect, and I can tell you, saran-wrap sucks! As I've said, I haven't passed it on.
I don't do suppressive therapy. The drug companies have enough cash. I've also found the time I usually break-out is when I get stressed about telling someone new. Ironic.
Being positive about being positive is the best therapy I know of! -
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Re: Being Positive for HPV, and Casual Safe Sex.
Mon, May 21, 2007 - 8:22 PMYeh, I totally agree. I'm doing the whole Valtrex thing for a year. The L-Lysine thing works, and I take that along w/ my suppressive meds. When you say USUALLY good, does that mean just the exceptions to the one night stands? This stigma sucks you know? People overlook canker sores so easily...and it's the same damn thing...just in a different area. SO CRAZY. It's not a huge deal this whole HSV2 thing....but how is the best way to tell someone that that doesn't have it. AND THE HECK WITH SARAN-WRAP...I'd rather write off oral sex....I pray I find someone either w/ HSV2, or someone very open....otherwise....haha, I have NO idea what I'm going to do. :) Thanks for posting. :) -
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Re: Being Positive for HPV, and Casual Safe Sex.
Mon, May 21, 2007 - 10:47 PMYes, the exceptions are for one nighters.
That canker sore thing gets me. No one asks if anyone had a cold sore before they snog (kiss) them, and herpes is the same damn thing. Silly monkeys!
People keep saying I should find someone else who has it. I say that's like looking for someone who drives the same car I do! I have many more qualifications, if I add HSV to it, I'll be eaten by my dogs before I find him! :)
From someone who has lived with this for 7 years; you kind of get over the whole "leper" thing after a while.
I wish I knew the best way to tell someone. The time seems to make itself known..........know that's not help-full, but live with it a bit and you'll understand.
"Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter" -
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Re: Being Positive for HPV, and Casual Safe Sex.
Tue, May 22, 2007 - 4:15 AMWell, you never know who you're going to meet, and who might have it. Yes, it might not be something that happens a lot, but you never know. And you're right. We all with HSV2 have a lot more to offer..........this is just something that is apart of us, it's not something that makes our entire being......
If you don't mind my asking....what has been your experience with telling potential partners? Are you with anyone now? Please inform!
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Re: Being Positive for HPV, and Casual Safe Sex.
Mon, July 9, 2007 - 4:17 PMI've only had one or two people run away after I told them. Everyone else has been willing to work around it.
I'm not currently with anyone, but that's more due to my recent shyness with getting involved. I got my heart stomped on last fall and haven't really been putting myself out there.
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Re: Being Positive for HPV, and Casual Safe Sex.
Mon, May 21, 2007 - 8:30 PMAddendum to my first post....the subject is supposed to be Being positive for HSV2- NOT HPV...sorry! -
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Re: Being Positive for HPV, and Casual Safe Sex.
Tue, May 22, 2007 - 7:12 AMIt's completely unethical to have any kind of intimate contact with anyone, one night stand or not without first disclosing that you are infected with herpes. It takes more courage to be honest but it's absolutely the right thing to do. Again, I have an essay on it that you can read on my blog called "The Ethics of a Life-long Herpes Infection".
Many of my herpes patients are emotionally devastated because they were not wraned by the person who infected them so they enevr had the choice on whether or not to take the risk. Please don't put anyone in this terrible situation.
regards and love
christopher scipio
homeopath/herbalist
holistic viral specialist
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Re: Being Positive for HPV, and Casual Safe Sex.
Tue, May 22, 2007 - 2:48 PMI don't find this to be a TERRIBLE situation. Having something more life altering would be TERRIBLE. So I disagree with your statement. But you are right though, I wasn't warned....and I think the person that gave it to me knew he had it. Which really upsets me even more than most could fathom. I WOULD NEVER EVER compromise someone else's life as someone did mine. Like I've said before, tihs is a blessing. Allows for us who may have not been so concious before with our partners be more concious of our decision making, and really allows us to build the correct relationships that we should have right from the start. Allow your mind to overcome the matter.... -
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Re: Being Positive for HPV, and Casual Safe Sex.
Wed, May 23, 2007 - 12:31 AMTrue, Christopher. This is why I say my casual partner's I keep safe.
As for potential partners, I've gotten to the point that I tell people before anything "serious" happens. It did take a bit to get here. I have been guilty of the sin of omission in the past.
Unfortunately, some girls use it to get rid of guys, which gives the rest of us a bad rap.
As I said before of my past experience: Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
I am sick of it being a "terrible" situation. It won't kill you! It's one more thing in your life you have to worry about. Seems like people accept kids more readily then they do herpes..........................It's just f-ing cold sores people! Calm down already!
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Re: Being Positive for HPV, and Casual Safe Sex.
Wed, May 23, 2007 - 9:09 PMnamaste all,
i understand not wanting to tell.
however, all that is is...saving face. not wanting to tell people you have herpes.
i would ALWAYS tell any partner, and i mean well before we have sex, that i have it.
they need to know, they need to decide for themselves.
we have a disease, no, it is not life-threatening, but believe me, a lot of people do NOT want herpes. and that is their right.
plus, it is more than a simple skin disease. i do all i can to maintain my health, but my immune system is much crappier than it ever was before.
please tell all your partners.
by the way, on all my lovers i use saran wrap with. and besides the crazy crinkling sound, it is thin enough that they still get sensation from it (i have HII in mouth and vag) and we still have fun and they have no problem being with me....and hey, now we joke that anytime and anywhere we hear or see people using saran wrap, we get excited.
xo
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Re: Being Positive for HPV, and Casual Safe Sex.
Fri, May 25, 2007 - 9:47 PMit is a terrible situation to knowingly expose a person to an incurable contagious disease without warning them, no matter how mild the symptoms may or may not be. Having herpes has serious implications, it makes you far more vulnerable to HIV, HPV and other diseases, there is also some research potentially linking herpes to some cancers and to alzheimers. So let's get real here, there is no way to 100% protect partners from getting infected by you and there is no way to tell if you have infected previous partners unless they have all had wetsern blot tests saying they are herpes 1 and 2 negative.
It's an act of honesty and courage to warn people you have herpes but it's always absolutely the right thing to do. -
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Re: Being Positive for HPV, and Casual Safe Sex.
Sun, July 15, 2007 - 1:32 AMi understand not wanting to tell because it risks the possibility of not having sex or not having a long term relationship even.
I have HPV1 orally. so that's like me and way more people than have HPV2. in autralia, they are talking about HPV1 as just a fact of being a human being because its so prevelent.
I told the first potential partner since I was diagnosed.
he questioned why i bothered because its so prevalent.
i said, yeah, i had considered that when i was diagnosed cause its awful to have to worry about even kissing. but the thing is, just the fact that I know I have it, I couldn't even think of NOT telling someone. maybe they will understand and maybe they won't, but I would feel like shit if I passed even HPV1 along to someone who didn't already have it. Outbreaks are a fucking pain. I'd hate to share that with someone who didn't already have it.
And I learned that I have HVP1 because I learned that this guy I had sex with has HPV2 but he didn't tell me before. I'm really fucking pissed at him for being such an ass as to take my health in his hands and make decisions for me. He did it again to a friend of mine. Who the hell gave HIM the right to do that to me? I probably would've had sex with him anyway, after some conversation, but he didn't give me the opportunity.
So I got tested and now I know what I have and thank goodness I don't have BOTH strains, but from this side of the fence? its really not cool AT ALL to not be told. sex really isn't that important, especially not with a person who isn't gonna spend the time it takes to work around HPV. -
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Re: Being Positive for HPV, and Casual Safe Sex.
Mon, July 16, 2007 - 6:38 AMI agree, Arize. Honesty is always the best option. Sure, HPV1 seems common among the population but I give you a lot of credit for still telling potential partners. Too many people still see the stigma if having a disease and can't come to terms with it for themselves, much less think to tell someone they just met and want to have sex with that they have it. -
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Re: Being Positive for HPV, and Casual Safe Sex.
Mon, July 16, 2007 - 9:33 AMthanks tree.
btw
when i told that guy
he was sweet.
he reach over and grabbed his box of paraphernalia, twisted up a doob, and said "lemme share some of those germs wit chya" and lit up. :) -
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This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: Being Positive for HPV, and Casual Safe Sex.
Mon, July 16, 2007 - 10:09 AMSo here's a question that's been on my mind....
I have HSV I "below the belt". I had unprotected oral sex with my positive HSV ex-boyfriend for several years and I've never had a cold sore. But I could still have oral herpes without symptoms. I'm dating again, for the first time with herpes. Do I tell every guy I kiss that I've been exposed and MAY have it orally? same with oral sex? I'm assuming oral herpes sheds the same way genital herpes does, but I've never considered until now these things being unsafe b/c I've never had cold sores before. -
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Re: Being Positive for HPV, and Casual Safe Sex.
Tue, July 17, 2007 - 9:03 AMyes you should warn anyone you are going to be intimate with that you are potentially contagious
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Re: Being Positive for HPV, and Casual Safe Sex.
Tue, July 17, 2007 - 4:49 PMI will ALWAYS tell a potential partner before engaging in sexual activity including KISSING. The man that gave it to me has 1 &2, and although I only know i have 2, i don't take any chances.
I never got the chance to decide because of how I got it. I guess my option was to not have sex with anyone until seeing official documentation of their sexual health...which I did'nt do. Who does that??
Somedays my H is a blessing, others it's a complete curse. Depends on my mood I suppose.
I've had 3 partners that were negative, and still are. We did use condoms, but we also practiced oral sex w/o protection. With one the condom broke, it was worse to me to imagine an unwanted pregnancy then giving him H when he fully knew I had it. He still did not get it.
That's my 2 cents on this post, for whatever it's worth.
