Herpes: The Great Illuminator
I have written before about the positive aspects of having a life-long herpes infection, and there are several, today another one has made itself known to me.
Herpes can be a great illuminator.
When you are having an outbreak or herpes-related symptoms it can bring to the surface some of your deepest, darkest fears, insecurities and neuroses.
Some of the ones that my patients tell me that come up most often are insecurities about body image, memories of past sexual abuse, fear of not being desired/being unattractive, fear of rejection, fear of infecting others, fear of ridicule and fear of being outed.
If you were struggling with your body image before having herpes, having outbreaks sends that fear right up into the stratosphere. This is the proverbial double-whammy. For some people until they make peace with their feelings about their body they will not have the virus under control. For others, until they make peace with herpes, having outbreaks will make the schism between themselves and their body way worse and there will be no reconciliation between themselves and their body until making peace with the virus first.
For those who were the victims of past sexual abuse or who were coerced into sex-work as young people, having symptoms of outbreaks can bring some ugly, terrifying or emotionally paralyzing feelings up to the surface, some of them long-buried. If the person was infected with herpes as part of the sexual abuse or exploitation, that adds another huge layer to the issue. This is the most daunting of the herpes illuminations but it is better to have this illuminated and on the surface rather than repressed. Herpes can provide an opportunity to understand and work on this issue. Holisticallly healing your herpes can help change your relationship with yourself in an empowering way which can be part of a larger programme of healing these past wounds and vice-versa.
It’s very challenging, obviously to feel attractive and desired when having regular outbreaks or symptoms, this is one of the many reasons why having a supportive, understanding partner/s is crucial for someone with herpes and why I encourage people to let go of anyone they are having an intimate relationship with who isn’t supportive and understanding.
As human beings we tend to fear rejection more than almost any other fear. The advertising industry is largely propelled by re-inforcing this fear in order to sell everything from antiperspirants to plastic-surgery. It is especially crushing to be rejected for something you have no control over like race, height, or having herpes. Twinned with this fear of rejection is a fear of ridicule. There are a number of cruel people out there (thankfully only a small minority) who have said and continue to say harsh things about people with herpes. Most people are far more loving and tolerant than this but the fear of being ridiculed like the fear of rejection can get blown up way out of proportion.
The fear of infecting others in and of itself can trigger symptoms and outbreaks.
This is a healthy fear in so far as it can be a motivation for treating your herpes and practicing safer sex but you should not allow it to become an overwhelming fear or it may get in the way of reclaiming your sex life which is a important step in living a holistically healthy life with herpes.
We could all make the fear of being outed a thing of the past by coming out of the closet and talking about herpes, educating the general public about herpes and herpes prevention and by claiming our place in the sun as a majority of the population, but because we don’t do this, we have self-imposed on ourselves the status of a dis-empowered ashamed community. I am always amazed by how far some people will go to not have to out themselves as a person with herpes. People have the right to keep their private lives private, but many of the people in the public arena who willing admit to me in private that they have herpes won’t admit it in public and this includes radio and television talk show hosts, porn stars, sex-educators, health-care workers, etc.
Until gays and lesbians started coming out of the closet in the 60’s and 70’s they had no rights or influence in this society and so it will continue to be for us until we decide to change.
No matter how well you feel that you are doing on the emotional, mental and spiritual levels in dealing with herpes it won’t be until you are tested by outbreaks and symptoms that you will know where you truly are. Herpes is the great illuminator shining a piercing light on your deepest and darkest fears and insecurities related and un-related to “the gift”.
christopher scipio
homeopath/herbalist
holistic viral specialist
www.natropractica.com
www.herpesbook.com
I have written before about the positive aspects of having a life-long herpes infection, and there are several, today another one has made itself known to me.
Herpes can be a great illuminator.
When you are having an outbreak or herpes-related symptoms it can bring to the surface some of your deepest, darkest fears, insecurities and neuroses.
Some of the ones that my patients tell me that come up most often are insecurities about body image, memories of past sexual abuse, fear of not being desired/being unattractive, fear of rejection, fear of infecting others, fear of ridicule and fear of being outed.
If you were struggling with your body image before having herpes, having outbreaks sends that fear right up into the stratosphere. This is the proverbial double-whammy. For some people until they make peace with their feelings about their body they will not have the virus under control. For others, until they make peace with herpes, having outbreaks will make the schism between themselves and their body way worse and there will be no reconciliation between themselves and their body until making peace with the virus first.
For those who were the victims of past sexual abuse or who were coerced into sex-work as young people, having symptoms of outbreaks can bring some ugly, terrifying or emotionally paralyzing feelings up to the surface, some of them long-buried. If the person was infected with herpes as part of the sexual abuse or exploitation, that adds another huge layer to the issue. This is the most daunting of the herpes illuminations but it is better to have this illuminated and on the surface rather than repressed. Herpes can provide an opportunity to understand and work on this issue. Holisticallly healing your herpes can help change your relationship with yourself in an empowering way which can be part of a larger programme of healing these past wounds and vice-versa.
It’s very challenging, obviously to feel attractive and desired when having regular outbreaks or symptoms, this is one of the many reasons why having a supportive, understanding partner/s is crucial for someone with herpes and why I encourage people to let go of anyone they are having an intimate relationship with who isn’t supportive and understanding.
As human beings we tend to fear rejection more than almost any other fear. The advertising industry is largely propelled by re-inforcing this fear in order to sell everything from antiperspirants to plastic-surgery. It is especially crushing to be rejected for something you have no control over like race, height, or having herpes. Twinned with this fear of rejection is a fear of ridicule. There are a number of cruel people out there (thankfully only a small minority) who have said and continue to say harsh things about people with herpes. Most people are far more loving and tolerant than this but the fear of being ridiculed like the fear of rejection can get blown up way out of proportion.
The fear of infecting others in and of itself can trigger symptoms and outbreaks.
This is a healthy fear in so far as it can be a motivation for treating your herpes and practicing safer sex but you should not allow it to become an overwhelming fear or it may get in the way of reclaiming your sex life which is a important step in living a holistically healthy life with herpes.
We could all make the fear of being outed a thing of the past by coming out of the closet and talking about herpes, educating the general public about herpes and herpes prevention and by claiming our place in the sun as a majority of the population, but because we don’t do this, we have self-imposed on ourselves the status of a dis-empowered ashamed community. I am always amazed by how far some people will go to not have to out themselves as a person with herpes. People have the right to keep their private lives private, but many of the people in the public arena who willing admit to me in private that they have herpes won’t admit it in public and this includes radio and television talk show hosts, porn stars, sex-educators, health-care workers, etc.
Until gays and lesbians started coming out of the closet in the 60’s and 70’s they had no rights or influence in this society and so it will continue to be for us until we decide to change.
No matter how well you feel that you are doing on the emotional, mental and spiritual levels in dealing with herpes it won’t be until you are tested by outbreaks and symptoms that you will know where you truly are. Herpes is the great illuminator shining a piercing light on your deepest and darkest fears and insecurities related and un-related to “the gift”.
christopher scipio
homeopath/herbalist
holistic viral specialist
www.natropractica.com
www.herpesbook.com
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Vancouver
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Re: Herpes: The Great Illuminator
Mon, April 7, 2008 - 2:51 PMThank you, Christopher. Your words always have so much truth and support in them. Fear is the leading cause of so many ailments in the world. I am a firm believer in that whatever we fear and try to repress or stop from happening WILL happen. And when it does, too many times people will look to place blame on something outside of themselves. Sure, to some, this may sound like new age/hippie mumbo jumbo but if people really stop to think about the source of their fears and why they fear what they do they would begin to understand that fear serves no purpose. I am not saying I am free of fear (if only!!) or that it is easy to live without fear, but understanding it and knowing what fear can do is so important.
I do not have many outbreaks, maybe 1 or 2 a year (sometimes more), but when they come on it makes me stop and think about how I have been living and if there are emotional, fear-based reasons for me having the outbreak. Sometimes I can pinpoint where it came from and that's when I realize I have some work to do on myself :-)
I have come a long way since I first was diagnosed with herpes. At first it sucked and I hated the virus. Then after time went on and a few more outbreaks happened I began to make peace with herpes (thanks, Christopher for putting the phrase in my consciousness!!) and realized it wasn't something that was happening to me, it was just part of me and I had to learn to live with it. It does help having a supportive partner. My husband is super supportive and has had many conversations with me about learning to live with herpes and ways to overcome my fears. Even though I am married, it doesn't mean I won't ever have to have "the talk" with a partner because my hubby and I are poly. I haven't had the opportunity yet to have this talk with a new potential partner but I know it'll happen and I feel I am well prepared for that time when it comes. I know that anyone not understanding of herpes and who judges or thinks differently of me because of it is not someone I would want in my life so "the talk" could be a great test to see where they fit.
