Hi! :-) I'm a beginning bellydance student, having started learning last August. I've really enjoyed it so far! But...(hate it when there are "buts") it seems like I've bumped into an emotional plateau, for lack of a better term.
In January I moved to the intermediate classes on the advice of my instructor. And that's when my emotions started to really catch me by surprise. Part of it was probably the sudden jump from the "this is your hip now let's move it and have fun" format to "learn this choreography and go perform it in three weeks".
Since then I've been overly sensitive when it comes to going to class. Definately going through feelings of inadequecy and of being left out(had to take a few deep breaths last night when I thought I had shown up early only to discover that this week we had a two hour class that had started 45 minutes beforehand. The teacher was nice enough to let the latecomers jump in and it ended up being a lot of fun). I've been doing my best to suck it up and just go and learn as much as possible anyways.
I've performed before, just not in dance. I started playing the violin when I was 9 years old, and it seems like a lot of the emotions I went through back then have re-surfaced. Not as bad as they used to be, but it's annoying!
I'm going through the Rachel Brice Yoga drills DVD at home, which has helped a lot with flexibility. I've also noticed that while moving through the sun salutes that feelings of vulnerability seem to well up from my body. Which probably sounds odd, but I'm not sure how else to describe it.
Was wondering if there are any energy/meditation/breathing exercises that ya'll would recommend to help work through this. I'm pretty sure that eventually it will pass, but I don't want to end up being a pain to those around me.
Thanks!
Karen
In January I moved to the intermediate classes on the advice of my instructor. And that's when my emotions started to really catch me by surprise. Part of it was probably the sudden jump from the "this is your hip now let's move it and have fun" format to "learn this choreography and go perform it in three weeks".
Since then I've been overly sensitive when it comes to going to class. Definately going through feelings of inadequecy and of being left out(had to take a few deep breaths last night when I thought I had shown up early only to discover that this week we had a two hour class that had started 45 minutes beforehand. The teacher was nice enough to let the latecomers jump in and it ended up being a lot of fun). I've been doing my best to suck it up and just go and learn as much as possible anyways.
I've performed before, just not in dance. I started playing the violin when I was 9 years old, and it seems like a lot of the emotions I went through back then have re-surfaced. Not as bad as they used to be, but it's annoying!
I'm going through the Rachel Brice Yoga drills DVD at home, which has helped a lot with flexibility. I've also noticed that while moving through the sun salutes that feelings of vulnerability seem to well up from my body. Which probably sounds odd, but I'm not sure how else to describe it.
Was wondering if there are any energy/meditation/breathing exercises that ya'll would recommend to help work through this. I'm pretty sure that eventually it will pass, but I don't want to end up being a pain to those around me.
Thanks!
Karen
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Re: Hello Everyone :-) Seeking Input
Wed, March 22, 2006 - 12:25 PMHi Karen. The other people on this tribe will have a lot more practical things to offer you than I have. I just wanted to take a moment to say that you're not alone. I'm in my third year of dancing, and have just recently begun struggling with feelings of inadequacy and frustration.
Maybe being a performing musician has something to do with it, especially when you've been trained in the competitive classical world (my degree is in Voice and Composition). After having talked through my feelings on this and another tribe, as well as with close friends, I've decided to step back from it and re-evaluate my needs and expectations for dance. So far, I've come to the conclusion that I'm trying to juggle too many things in my life, and that I need to put dance on the back-burner so that it doesn't become permanently enmeshed with my other stressors.
I've also realized that I need something different from what my teacher is offering me, and that I was trying to put a square peg in a round hole. When I'm ready to take lessons again, I'm going to look for more folkloric teaching-- to focus on context instead of technique for a while. Finally, I've seen that I really need to just set aside time (once all of my grad school madness is behind me) to just dance-- to put music on in my livingroom and get back to the heart of why I fell in love with bellydance in the first place.
So that's my journey. I wish you well on yours, and just keep reminding yourself that you're not alone. -
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Re: Hello Everyone :-) Seeking Input
Wed, March 22, 2006 - 12:46 PMOver 15 years of being seriously involved in bellydance, I have experienced those plateaus dozens of times I think. I think that experiencing it and acknowledging it may just be part of evolving as a person and a dancer. The only time you HAVE to perform is when you've committed yourself to something. Otherwise, you can just say no to performing, and let yourself dance. You will not let anyone down. It's okay if they have to wait years to see your gift. The dance you do is first a gift to yourself, secondly your gift projected outward. You should perform when you can no longer contain it and are compelled to share. People may try to coerce you because they feel that a little pressure is what you need to arrive at the post-performance high, after which you're likely to be hungry for more. but your intuition must be your first guide to the location of these crossroads. Let it not be about the performance. Let the classes and practice be a simple gift to yourself. Graduate when you feel right. Meanwhile, other kinds of classes that aren't performance oriented can be good; ones where you lose yourself. I like Bikram yoga, martial arts, sometimes goofy gym classes. Afro-Brazilian and salsa. Also, walks in nature. Ask the trees and the ocean, what should I do with my dance? Keep breathing when it gets uncomfortable. Usually a plateau is a sign that a growth spurt is coming, so be optimistic and visualize your ideal personal dance.
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Re: Hello Everyone :-) Seeking Input
Fri, March 24, 2006 - 1:32 PMit really does help to hear that others have experienced similar feelings. It's funny how the perfectionism that's found in the classical music world can sometimes stifle rather than encourage you to improve. :-)
It's a process I guess. Dissatisfaction gives you the oppurtunity to re-evaluate where you've been and to take a look at what you really want out of an activity. I still love bellydance and how much better I feel while doing it. :-) Some people really enjoy dancing in a bedlah at restaurants/bars, but I'm not sure if that's want I want to do, ya know? At least not until I've built up some competance/confidance.
Best of luck on your own journey. :-)
Karen -
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Re: Hello Everyone :-) Seeking Input
Fri, March 24, 2006 - 6:02 PMI see what you're saying now. Maybe you can still "participate" as a helper backstage somehow, so you won't be so 'left out' in your eyes & theirs? Having a dresser backstage is great! Or someone to hand out flyers to the audience, or run the music, or another emcee :-)
Self-awareness is a double-edged blade, it can really help you improve yourself but it can also make you too self-conscious. I hope you find a comfortable place in the dance scene because once you do it's really enjoyable!
BTW I remember before I started dancing professionally, when my teacher was bringing up that possibility, I wasn't sure if I wanted to either, because what if I was supposed to dance somewhere, & I didn't feel like it? haha I think it's just something you get used to. And the endorphins afterwards help out a lot!!
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Re: Hello Everyone :-) Seeking Input
Wed, March 22, 2006 - 3:39 PMHi Karen,
Both Charity and Darshan have brought up some very good points. I can completely relate to what you are feeling as well. I've been a student of this dance for over 14 years and have hit many highs and lows along the way. What you are describing sounds exactly like what I experienced at around the same time in my education. Feelings of inadequacy, not being able to (seemingly) do the simple moves my classmates were all over. Yep - been there. What Darshan said about not letting anyone push you into performing is absolutely right. No one can tell you when you are ready. The trend now seems to be that people want it all and want it RIGHT NOW. This is not a good attitude to have in our artform for the simple fact that it takes YEARS to master the "simplest" of moves and make them your own. I think more and more newbies are feeling the pressure of this NOW mentality and it is really too bad. Focus on the now. Make your practice something sacred that you look forward to to give you energy and strength. Sun salutations are great for starting out and stretching. Since I am a Kundalini Yoga student I also include lots of chanting, tuning in and visualization in my warm ups and before a performance. I find that the controlled breathing and resonance of the chants can almost instantly calm me down. Keep up your practice - this is but a small obstacle. -
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Re: Hello Everyone :-) Seeking Input
Wed, March 22, 2006 - 5:44 PMDon't really have any pearls of wisdom. I'm in the same boat. Been dancing as long as you have. Just about the same time I started learning more advanced things and performing and really takes a lot out of you. Courage-wise and whatnot. Just keep on a learnin' and it will all come together for you soon! I woudn't worry about those around you. I'm sure they can relate. Just do you best...that's all you can do and all anyone can ask of you!
Erin
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Re: Hello Everyone :-) Seeking Input
Fri, March 24, 2006 - 8:35 AMKashmir, that's what I was thinking - it seems like bellydance (at least here in the US) has moved into a very high-profile scene with a lot of emphasis on performing, & looking a certain way. It's trickling down to local levels and making it more intense for everyone.
Karen, I couldn't tell from your post - is your teacher actually pushing you into performing? If so, did she say why? Like does she need another body for a certain choreography, or what? -
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Re: Hello Everyone :-) Seeking Input
Fri, March 24, 2006 - 1:22 PM>Karen, I couldn't tell from your post - is your teacher actually pushing you into performing? >If so, did she say why? Like does she need another body for a certain choreography, or >what?
I gues I was being a little unclear. My teacher has asked me if I wanted to perform. If you want to it's OK, if not it's all right too. The intermediate group seem to be geared towards the assumption that you *are* there to dance in public every month, which didn't sink in until I started attending them.
In all honesty it could be a misunderstanding. I feel a bit left out of the loop because I'm not doing the performances, but that's probably has to do with my own issues. I still can attend classes and I still am being taught the choreographies.
While I think that I want to perform, I also don't think that I should be out there yet. Blame it partly on the classical music background, where the artistry and the time to play for others comes(IME) AFTER you have established good, solid technique. Which usually takes a bit longer than 8 months. *smile*
Thanks for all of ya'll's advice - it has been really encouraging. :-)
Karen
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Re: Hello Everyone :-) Seeking Input
Wed, March 22, 2006 - 7:34 PMWOW!!!!
This sounds almost exactly what I have been feeling the last year or so.
I have been dancing for about two and a half years.
I started my intro class at a small studio near where I live. I lived for Wed. night dance class it felt great, and I felt wonderful, sexy, and strong.
Then I move up!
First I had to change studios. The other one was huge and very intimidating. No one even welcomed me or showed me around the studio or even showed a friendly face. It was all business. After the first class I went home and cryed becouse I felt like they where making it too hard and pulled all the fun out of it. I went ahead and went back, with the thought that I had just felt intimidated. It improved. But honestly,the last year and half has been very frustrating emotionally speaking. Up and down, up and down. This last week I dropped out of this studio. Now don't get me wrong, I learned plenty but the whole feeling defeated after every class just sucked. I know I did it to myself by going back but it's hard when you love it so much but you feel like you can't keep up or have the pressure of performing.
I too come from a musical background. Voice. I would have never performed a vocal piece without memorizing it 100%. Plus I have an "A" type personality. Those in combination....well let's just say that I made myself crazy. I have felt myself going back into the shy girl that I was in High School. The one that no one ever noticed. I so don't like those feelings.
Anyway, I am going on my own journey. I may just keep dancing in my living room to tapes or maybe try some of the other groups in my area to check them out. Not sure yet.
I don't mean to sound tackie but you don't know how good it is to know that I am not the only one who feels like this!!! I have been feeling so alone latly!
I hope you get this figured out and I will think of you everytime I practice!
Huggggsss,
Karen H. -
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Re: Hello Everyone :-) Seeking Input
Thu, March 23, 2006 - 6:36 AMSounds like you're putting alot of pressure on yourself. When you first started bellydance you didn't expect to walk into a brand new class as an expert, and now you are again walking into a brand new class. You don't have to come in knowing what you're there to learn.
When I first bumped up to the intermediate class - after nearly a year of begging I was LOST!!! beyond lost. Actually even now, six years in when I start a new class I am still lost. It takes a few weeks to get used to class format and feeling comfy working with the other students in the new class.
To learn a whole new format, a choreography and be ready to perform it in three weeks is a bit... high pressure.
I would ditch the Rachel Brice and other DVD's for awhile and try to get copies of the class music and work the new class format over and over till I was comfortable with the routine. Sometimes integrating multiple styles when you're already overwhelmed is sensory overload.
After taking a workshop my style sort of falls apart for about 3 days while I integrate the new moves. Things that made sense before have to be revaluated based upon new info.
I think the mental plateau comes from unreasonable expectation. You know enough to know what you want to see, and have lost patience with waiting for your body to catch up to it. You're better than you were visibly but progress takes time. For me about two years between visible differences.
When you look in the mirror and see things that you are going insane trying to fix and align, take heart. You now know enough to kow what to fix and align.
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