Whoa. Slow down, first of all. Lemme unravel some of the strands here.

You say you live twelve hours from your dad? Well, even if you lived next door to him, he's a grown man and he's made some choices. They may be unfortunate choices, but they're still his to make. Find a way to let go. Love him, anyway, but let go best as you can. That's plenty heartache right there. Pray or meditate if you're so inclined, but, really he has to figure things out for himself. Maybe get to Al Anon or druggie equivalent (is it Narc Anon?) That's support for people who have alcholics or durg addicts in their lives. I have a dear friend who had a dad who was an alcoholic, and Al Anon saved her sanity.

Sorry for the loss of your baby. Somehow find a way to grieve that potential life.


Now, at the risk of sounding callous, having a baby is not the way to be more settled in one's life. And just because your friends have babies doesn't mean it's truly appropriate or necessary for you. At least not at this time. Sometimes we have babies for all the wrong reasons and with all the wrong people. I hope you use this time to reflect upon what you truly want and why. That one fella called you nuts for dating him when you were carrying someone else's baby. That was an unfortunate phrasing. You are not nuts. But perhaps you are just a bit mixed up. And maybe he felt that dating him was inappropriate. Maybe yes, maybe no. Only you can know if you really love(d) this guy. Meanwhile, I hope you find some people in your life who are both positive and can give you better direction. You need them in real life as well as here. Even more so.

Sometimes we want things so badly or think we do, that we lose focus on what is really important. What would make it possible for you to have the life you would truly want? Do you want an education? Do you want or need to develop job skills? Look around you. Do you have people in your life who would give you emotional support? Is your neighborhood a good place for you? Lotta things to ponder. Best to take them one at a time. Good luck.

it has been my experience that some of the strongest souls get some of the most challenging life paths to walk...
gary zukov, in Seat of the Soul says 'to the degree that the soul desires to know its wholeness, do we experience it's opposite...'
my sense is that you have an exceptionally strong soul bev, a big life path. so we get to walk through our own versions of hell. i think this is so that we know it, and we learn that we can survive it, and still come out the other side, and thrive, and walk with others when they have thier own dark nights of the soul...
more will be revealed bev... youre young, so it may take time. you may have to learn patience, and acceptance...
i lost 2 kids to miscarraige... and i lost many years to addiction... but it was my path...
look, if you can, for the good bev... dont get stuck... there is still, no matter what, love to be given, to be received... there is beauty, and even joy...
look for it bev... things will get different for you... i promise...