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Without going into allll the details of the situational drama, a 'friend' owes my girlfriend and i several hundred dollars, and has been promising to pay for the past couple of months - yet kept making excuses. We'd shown ongoing patience, then yesterday we called to ask him what was going on with a friendly but firm demeanor.... and he snapped, started hurling abuse, threatening violence and vowed to never pay. It was basically 10 minutes of extreme verbal diarrhea.
My response was a combination of feeling sick and offended, a bit shocked and baffled, and a kind of all-encompasing whimsical 'cerebral' amusement at the whole situation. I didn't stick up for my-'self' and just tried in vain to calm him down for a rational conversation (very much in vain).
Today, i felt and dissolved the remaining emotional ickiness but somehow wonder - am i just a total cerebral freak with a puny mammalian brain for not barking back and sticking up formyself in this unreasonable assault?
I'm very much in touch witih the cognitive and somatic components of my emotions but... i dunno, i feel somehow ignorant here. thoughts?
My response was a combination of feeling sick and offended, a bit shocked and baffled, and a kind of all-encompasing whimsical 'cerebral' amusement at the whole situation. I didn't stick up for my-'self' and just tried in vain to calm him down for a rational conversation (very much in vain).
Today, i felt and dissolved the remaining emotional ickiness but somehow wonder - am i just a total cerebral freak with a puny mammalian brain for not barking back and sticking up formyself in this unreasonable assault?
I'm very much in touch witih the cognitive and somatic components of my emotions but... i dunno, i feel somehow ignorant here. thoughts?
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a C-2 issue
Wed, November 18, 2009 - 1:13 AMThis person who owes you several hundred dollars may have successfully emotionally blackmailed you out of paying it back. You have several options: 1) let it go and suck up the loss 2) if you have legal proof of debt, sue him in small claims court 3) tell him his psychotic reactions won't make his debt disappear 4) get even. His "snapping", hurling abuse, and threatening violence were obviously experienced by you as a C-2 emotonal assault. In the heat of the action, you probably discovered some things about yourself that may be important to review, like, how you respond to threats. How you restore your sense of safety and/or defend yourself in the face of real or perceived threats expresses the measure of your emotional intelligence. Yeah, this is definitley a C-2 issue -- good luck with it and the asshole who owes you money.
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Re: 2nd gear ignorance?
Thu, November 19, 2009 - 8:23 AMI'd call again and again and again until the jerk pays up. First, I'd ask this "friend" if he has anything to say about your last conversation. Let him know that this is not acceptable behavior from an adult. I'd personally use those exact words "that is not acceptable behavior, you are an adult and I expect you to speak to me like an adult".
Depending on the amount, if you have evidence of the loan, then court would be my next move. I've never asked friends to sign anything for a loan, it's always been the honor system. You are likely in the same boat.
There's always the "get even" option listed above on Sherpa's post. -
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Re: 2nd gear ignorance?
Fri, November 20, 2009 - 12:05 PMTry again. Chances are the irrational conversation was lost in some altered state, that he can't quite remember. My experience with people who are failing to be responsible is a projected anger at you for not realizing they were over their heads when they asked you for money and now you think your god cause I owe you something...well I'll blow that idea to dithery-doo.
I think you were wise to not engage the wrath but that doesn't mean you should forget the debt unless it would be well worth it to say good-bye all together. Perhaps I don't exercise my warrior very well...and this brings up a good point...it's a lot easier for me to let go of material arguments like this and move on but that may be because I am so bad at calling the warrior in for a worthy fight.
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