!Laughing With Life!'s topics - tribe.net

Lost in Translation

2008-05-12T04:41:47Z

Already I was heavy-hearted in my soul for the flush commodes and machine-washed clothes and other simple things in life I have took for granite.

If people don't want to come to your party, nobody can stop them.

That restaurant is so crowded, nobody goes there anymore.

For your information, I would like to ask a question.

All right, I want you to listen very slowly...

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

While I write this letter, I have a pistol in one hand and a sword in the other.

They intend to cut off our heads and throw them in our faces.

I can't remember if I told you to stop forgetting?

If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, then it's good enough for me.

To ___ with the public. I'm here to represent the people.

I'm not guilty and I won't do it again.

I am defending the right of this girl to be judged innocent until she is proved innocent.

I'm scared to death to marry you.

This is so well-written, one can hardly comprehend it.

If you've never seen it, it's worth seeing again.

I can't eat on an empty stomach.

For a change, give me the usual.

It hasn't been touched by human hands, only me.

Say "No!" to negativity.

It's the people I tell things to that can't keep a secret, not me.

Generally speaking, can you be more specific please?

It didn't hurt at first, but then I got used to it.

No one is faster than me. I take my time.

If you want instant coffee, please wait one minute.

Just how long have you had your birthmark?

This could be done much faster if we only had more time.

Half of all children born are boys or girls.

I can be brainless if I put my mind to it.

Occasionally I decide to be impulsive.

I'll be there when I get there.

Anonymity is my claim to fame.

There's a certain universality of feeling which is almost worldwide.

If God had meant people to go nude they would have been born that way.

I've known him since he was born.

Every number is greater than the one that follows it.

Bless you, Sister. May all your sons be bishops.

I'm not trying to belittle you. I'm just trying to knock you down to size.

If you can't keep quiet, shut up!

Go see it and see for yourself why you shouldn't see it.

I made that before I died.

Predictions about the future are difficult.

If you don't know where you are going, you must be careful or you might not get there.

There's just no stopping tomorrow.

The only way to beat them is to get more points.

99% of this is half-mental.

You can observe a lot by watching.

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

Our similarities are different.

Hollywood director Samuel Goldwyn was very popular for his verbal potpourri and mixed metaphors. It got to the point where they were quoted in the press, and then re-quoted over and over until his publicity department simply started to makeup crazy Goldwyn quotes for promotions. So the following quotes are said to come from Mr. Goldwyn, but many feel they are the creations of his publicity team to help promote his films:

I'm having a bust made of my wife's hands.

Don't talk to me while I'm interrupting you.

Go ahead and destroy those old files, but make copies of them first.

This book has too much plot and not enough story.

The scene is dull. Tell him to put more life into his dying.

I'll give you a definite maybe.

If you won't give me your word of honor, will you give me your promise?

We're overpaying him, but he's worth it.

Our comedies are not to be laughed at.

You're going to call him William? Every Tom, Dick and Harry is called William.

I don't care if it doesn't make a nickel. I just want every man, woman and child in America to see it.

I've gone where the hand of man has never set foot.

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 0 replies

I've been notified that...

2008-05-11T22:19:36Z

All the links aren't showing up, so..to get them....
1)Click on any thread on this tribe(like this one).
2)Right above the first comment you will see this:
tribes » Entertainment & Arts » !*Laughing With Life*! » topics »

Click on "topics" and it will bring up all the threads that have been posted, not just the ones that the main page is showing.
3) Right click and either "open a new page", or "open a new tab"
4) Laugh your ass off

For future reference, though...please, if you can, try to categorize your jokes to a particular thread. Don't fear... they will be noticed.
Thanks,
+SW->

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 1 reply

Job Interview & A Pirate's Story

2008-05-10T05:09:02Z

Job Interview

There was this man who was in a horrible accident,and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this "unusual" handicap, he was very self-conscious about his having no ears.

Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he decided that with all this money he had, he now had the means to own a business. So he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have
to hire someone to run the business.

He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The first interview went really well. He really liked this guy. His last question for this first candidate was "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy said, "Now that you mention it, you have no ears." The man got really upset and threw the guy out.

The second interview went even better than the first. This candidate was much better than the first. Again, to conclude the interview, the man asked the same question again, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy also noticed, "Yes, you have no ears." The man was really upset again, and threw this second candidate out.

Then he had the third interview. The third candidate was even better than the second, the best out of all of them. Almost certain that he wanted to hire this guy, the man once again asked, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy replied "Yeah, you're wearing contact lenses." Surprised, the man then asked, "Wow! That's quite perceptive of you! How could you tell?" The guy burst out laughing and said, "You can't wear glasses if you don't have any ears!"

A Pirate's Story

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off"

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye-patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.

"Well...", said the pirate, "...it was my first day with the hook."

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 2 replies

So you all know...

2008-05-07T08:48:41Z

This tribe is a give and take. I wish I had time to just find humor for others all day, but...I don't.
Some have already contributed back and that is WELL appreciated.
Others...please give as you have received.
Thanks,
+SW->

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 0 replies

NOAH AND THE LORD IN 2008

2008-05-05T15:44:52Z

NOAH AND THE LORD IN 2008

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the
United States , and said, 'Once again, the earth has become wicked
and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few
good humans.'

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, 'You have 6 months to build the
Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.'

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his
yard - but no Ark.

'Noah!' He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?'

'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed a
building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the
need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the
neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding
the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for
the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead
obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I
told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear
nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local
trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued
me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel
and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd
conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights
Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my
building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of
most of the people who want to work.

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to
hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm
trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
Then to top it all off I have to learn 150 languages before work can begin.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
finish this Ark. '

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You
mean you're not going to destroy the world?'

'No,'said the Lord. 'The government beat me to it.'

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 0 replies

Death for your answers

2008-05-02T16:22:58Z

TOP FATAL THINGS TO SAY TO PREGNANT WIFE

17. "I finished the Oreo's."

16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."

15. Ya know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby."

14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever."

13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the SuperBowl."

12. "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."

11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."

10. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"

9. "I'm jealous. Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"

8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"

7. "Get your *own* ice cream."

6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."

5. "Got milk?"

4. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."

3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"

2. "Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."

And the Number 1 Fatal Thing To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant...

1. "You don't have the guts to pull that trigger."

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 3 replies

And they wonder why our court system doesn't work....

2008-04-30T05:20:04Z

Court Talk

The following excerpts were taken from Disorder in the American Courts, a book published by court reporters detailing actual, word-for-word transcripts from true cases.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
***
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or 35, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
***
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
***
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
***
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's 21.
***
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
***
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
***
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
***
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
***
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
***
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
***
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
***
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 2 replies

Never lose your sense of humor...

2008-04-29T22:56:48Z

Bored Husband

Ernie Gutierrez retired early last year.
Recently, his wife received the following letter from Mr. Wally Jones, the manager of the local Walmart store:

Dear Mrs. Gutierrez

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. E. Gutierrez has been causing quite a commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores.
We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.
Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused.
All complaints against Mr. Gutierrez have been compiled and are listed below.

Things Mr. E. Gutierrez has done while his spouse, you, is shopping:

June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares..... and watched what happened.

August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, ?Why can't you people just leave me alone?'?

October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people were browsing through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 1 reply

Genderfurcational confluxtuation

2008-04-29T22:44:39Z

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!!"

The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "BITCH!!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 4 replies

Golf

2008-04-28T21:19:46Z

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologise.

"Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied.

He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel"?

He replied: "It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken."

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 3 replies

Our wonderful youth...

2008-04-28T21:12:42Z

The McDonald's song:
http://www.glumbert.com/media/drivethru

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 14 replies

Misunderstandings

2008-04-28T21:08:47Z

TEN TIMES NORMAL SIZE
The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks , asked
her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when
stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You
should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to
tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then
fire you!" Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which
body part increases to 10 tim es its size when stimulated?" Little Mary 's
mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to
get in big trouble!" The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the
class, "Anybody?" Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and
said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is
the pupil of the eye." Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy ," then turned
to Mary and continued. "As for you, young lady, I have three things to
say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn't read your homework And
three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 11 replies

The Ultimate Kitchen Prank?

2008-04-27T21:58:45Z

I ran "Deviled" Blue Crab Stuffed Shrimp as a special last week. I got 25 lbs. of U-10 ("colossal") shrimp w/ their heads off, but still needed to be peeled, deveined, and butterflied. My dishwasher's allergic to shrimp (make his hands break out), so the prep was all on me.
I got about half-way through the task and I thought of how disgusting all the shrimp's shit veins and egg sacs really were. I had been discarding the nastiness in a hotel pan and there was quite a bit of it. I began to think of ways to share my disgust with others when inspiration struck..... I made some toast points, a tomato rose, gathered parsley sprigs, a lemon wedge.....and I put the raw, slimy shrimp shit on the toast points, made a nice presentation with the garnishes and sat the plate in the window, hoping a greedy server would jump the gun and try to sneak one.
The kitchen guys wandered by, saw the nicely presented dish and asked what it was. "Shrimp shit on toast, try one," was my casual reply. No takers, lots of utterly disgusted looks. There was the usual talk of who would eat one and for how much money, but still no serious takers.
As I began to stuff the cleaned shrimp, inspiration struck once again. I went into the walk-in, got a couple of shallots, and juleinned them into 2 inch strips. I lightly sauteed them in butter and added a little balsamic vinegar for color. I made some more toast points and very discreetly put them on a couple of the toast points. I took one of the shrimp shit toasts from the plate and threw it in the garbage.
I then walked down to the other line where everyone was working. "Ya know you guys are a bunch of pussies," I said w/ machismo as I shoved the whole piece of toast into my mouth and chewed it up. The looks of total mortification were absolutely PRICELESS! I put my headphones back on and walked back to my station. What they were saying I don't know, but they think I'm half-crazy anyway. I brought the platter back down to them (with the one missing piece to sell the fact that I'd eaten it) and asked if anyone would like to try one. After all, they "Weren't half bad once you got past the sliminess." I thought my boy Paul was going to HURL!
After a few minutes I couldn't resist, I took another one of the shrimp shit toasts off, threw it away, and walked back down to them w/ the platter in one hand and my shallot toast in the other. "You know, I'm actually starting to like this," I said as I popped the toast into my mouth. I really think I was causing them serious mental distress as they begged me to stop. I relished every second, I am truly a twisted bastard sometimes.
I Let them think about it for a few minutes and then asked if anyone would like to try my special balsamic shallot toast that I'd really been eating. I thought Paul was going to hit me when I told him, that's how good of a prank it was!

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 2 replies

Death and Taxes

2008-04-19T06:50:59Z

Once Upon a Wish

Once upon a wish...

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a "genie". But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing an IRS ID badge and dull gray suit. There's a calculator in his pocket. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

"Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works". "You have three wishes."

"I'm not falling for this." Says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS agent."

"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and It
looks like you're a goner anyway!"

The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with
plentiful food and drink."

***POOF*** The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"OK, kid, what's your second wish."

"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."

***POOF*** The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

"OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the man says: "I wish that no matter where I go beautiful women will want and need me."

***POOF*** He is turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story?

If the IRS offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached!

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 0 replies

Marriage

2008-04-18T00:00:35Z

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary.

They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years.
Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".
Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible? "

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: " We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage.
Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses.
My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.
Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time".
She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again.
This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued.
When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!
I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?" ..
She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"."

Husband:"That's it. We are happy ever after. "

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 10 replies

Classifieds

2008-04-16T02:48:14Z

These classifieds were really put in the paper - a smile for your day

> FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
> 8 years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

> FREE PUPPIES
> 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

> FREE PUPPIES.
> Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
> Father, Super Dog . .. Able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

> FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
> Looks like a rat. Been out a while.
> Better be a big reward.

> COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
> Also 1 gay bull for sale.

> NORDIC TRACK. $300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

> GEORGIA PEACHES. California grown - 89 cents lb.

> JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
> Must sell washer and dryer $300.

> WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
> Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.

> And the best one:
> FOR SALE BY OWNER.
> Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition.
> $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife knows
> everything.

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 0 replies

Stupid is as stupid does

2008-04-16T00:08:42Z

A guy goes into a bar and tries to pick up on the barmaid.
After many advances the barmaid gets fed up and tells him,
“Look I'd really love to take you home but I'm on my menstrual cycle.”
Not to be discouraged the fellow say’s ;
“That’s all right I'll just follow you in my Hyundai".

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 1 reply

Reflections on life

2008-04-16T00:05:25Z

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one.
So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking about old age and decided that it is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it'

I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and call it "Pumping Rust."

I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"

Employment application blanks always ask 'who is to be notified in case of an emergency.'
I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do -- write to these men?

Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail?
Or better yet, arrest them while they are taking their pictures!

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older.
Then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals.
As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 1 reply

The blonde thread

2008-04-15T23:33:38Z

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb -- and I'm also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 16 replies

In my own world

2008-04-15T22:53:24Z

ROME, Italy -- A Macedonian man left his wife at an Italian service station and only realized he had driven off without her six hours later, news agency Ansa said.

The couple, who were traveling with their 4-year-old daughter, pulled over for petrol in the coastal city of Pesaro as they were heading back to their home to Germany.

After filling the tank, the husband drove away -- without noticing that his 30-year-old wife, originally from Georgia, had got out of the car to go to the toilet.

The woman, who had no money or documents with her, contacted the police who eventually traced her husband to Milan, some 340 km (210 miles) north of Pesaro, Ansa said.

The husband told police he had not missed his wife because she always sat in the back of the car with their daughter.

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 1 reply

Religion

2008-04-15T22:30:16Z

The Country Preachers Professions Test

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting
Time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.

Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted
To do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to
Try an experiment.
He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:
A Bible, a silver dollar, a bottle of whisky, and a Playboy magazine.
'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself,
'when he comes home from school this afternoon,
I'll see which object he picks up.

'If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me and
What a blessing that would be!
If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman,
And that would be okay, too.
But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard,
And, Lord, what a shame that would be.
'And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he's gonna
Be a skirt-chasin' bum.'

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps
As he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave
The room he spotted the objects on the table.
With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.
He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket.
He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired
This month's Centerfold.

'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered,
'He's gonna run for Congress.

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 10 replies

Free Association Images Haha

2008-04-14T12:37:46Z

http://www.leethacker.com/images/1mo4pabgxk6b9d3xdly.jpg

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 0 replies

Tweety Bird: Male/Female, Gay/Straight/Bi???

2008-04-14T04:20:26Z

Tweety led me in a bad direction with some cat a few years back, therefore, I trust him/her...no more.
YES, I said him/her, as Tweety could be either/or. That's right people...I flippin' said it! I think Tweety has no specific sex and no one can prove differently, unless cartoons go "anatomically correct. As we know from t.v....what we see, what we are told...just isn't necessarily true.
As for his/her/it's sexual preference...I believe that it is debatable.
So, for all you controversy mongers out there....I have thrown out the gauntlet, ROFLMAO
Hmmmph,
:)
+SW->

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 1 reply

"Her Wedding"

2008-04-12T00:36:25Z

Her Wedding

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her
excitement -- not even her parent's nasty divorce.

Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best
dressed mother-of-the- bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young
wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it,
but she refused. 'Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this
dress and I'm wearing it,' she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, 'Never mind sweetheart.
I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.' A few days
later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they
stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, 'Aren't you going to return
the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could
wear it.'

Her mother just smiled and replied, 'Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to
the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.'

NOW I ASK YOU - IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY THIS STORY?

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 0 replies

Unofficial(And some official) laws for humanity

2008-04-11T14:53:31Z

“The Law of Volunteering:”If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

“The Law of Avoiding Oversell:”When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

“The Law of Common Sense:”Never accept a drink from a urologist.

“The Law of Reality:”Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

“The Law of Self Sacrifice:"When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 4 replies

Some Useful Condescending Phrases

2008-04-11T03:07:14Z

1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
13. No, my powers can only be used for good.
14. How about never? Is never good for you?
15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
16. You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
25. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
26. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 2 replies

Customer Dis-Service

2008-04-11T02:55:17Z

How To Treat A Rude Customer

Indeed, an award should go to the Air Malta gate attendant at Luqa airport:
some months ago for being customer focused, while making her point,
when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded Malta-London flight was canceled.
A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk.
He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".
The attendant replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first,
and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed.
He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone:
May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please".
She began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.
"We have a passenger here at Gate14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS".
"If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the attendant,
gritted his teeth and said, "F... You!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said,
"I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 0 replies

Movie quotes and/or humorous somewhat clean scenes

2008-04-06T17:28:23Z

"somewhat clean scenes"
That just means that the not so clean scenes will be in that other "adult humor" tribe that I am working on.
Okay? Okay.

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 11 replies

The Confessional thread..Some honesty required, lol

2008-04-06T17:21:42Z

How's about we start a thread to go in and confess untruths. I figured this is the best way, or there might become a grip of threads with people expressing some guilt for past indiscretions.
Step up, make whatever symbols you need to, pull up the bench and the window is now slid aside to hear what you feel are your *sins*.
Don't worry, the screen is in place too, so your face can't really be seen and there isn't a pedophile waiting to take your confession and blackmail you with it to get you to put out.
YEAH, this thread could go a few ways with that last statement being symbolic of a particular kind of church.
Either way..Go for it.
+SW->

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 3 replies

Medical Malpractice

2008-04-06T16:57:01Z

"Like a surgeon"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N26KWq7MmSc

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 0 replies

Dear Mr. President

2008-04-06T15:20:14Z

I did write this and email this awhile back, lol.

Dear Mr. President,
I know you have had a rough week, so let me offer my condolences to you and your party:
I'm sorry that you are going to be declared a lame duck President in the very near future(Feel free to take a vacation for 2 years and to let the House and Senate make decisions for the country).
I'm sorry that your pals in the House and Senate have been voted out(They, also, can have a vacation for the next couple of months and then will need to hit the unemployment line and find out the REAL percentage of people unemployed and how hard it has become to get a good job).
All apologies to those that support you and your beliefs that your religion should dominate the government and school systems(God should have told you that you were about to lose a serious amount of House Reps and Senators awhile back, so this can't be too much of a shock to you).
Thanks for getting rid of Rumsfeld, finally, and if you think that the switcheroo to Gates is going to get you some more killing time in other "terrorist countries"....Not a chance!
Finally, I noticed that your brain has been slipping, more than usual, in recent times, might I suggest a full mental examination(From legitimate doctors) AND if the findings are that you are not completely competent...that you take the initiative to resign. It's okay to admit that there is a problem and I am sure that you have solved all of the elderlies woes, where it pertains to health care, that you will be taken care of adequately, until the time of your demise.
Anyway, thanks for serving as President, as well as you did while you were in the military.
Sincerely,
Shadow Walker
P.S. If all else fails...we'll let you vacation in Guantanamo, as I hear they treat visitors there with the best of care.

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 2 replies

My "OFFICIAL"endorsement for President

2008-04-05T06:06:11Z

He's been around for 50 years old, so meets the age requirement.
You've known him and loved him, since you were kids.
He has learned from his mistakes and will be all about "change".
He supports protecting our environment.
He fights for equality for all living beings.
He's lived a life where he was homeless, and made it to wealthy, but hasn't forgotten his roots.
He cares about kids.
He cares about family.
I submit to you, the voters, the only real candidate that we can trust to do the right thing.
When it comes to lobbyists vs. family and friends. He has chosen the latter.
He's pro-peace, though understands that there are times for war and is strong when those times arrive.
He understands special needs children, as he has one with special needs in his own family.
He even has a solution for the gas crisis, so listen really well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T54ohJRgD9c

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 6 replies

Hysterical Adults: The more "adult centered" version of "Laughing With Life"

2008-04-04T16:19:48Z

http://tribes.tribe.net/hystericaladults

The intro?
"If you are looking for the toned done version of humor, then seek out my other tribe "!*LaughingWithLife*!, as adult related material WILL be allowed here.
If you came here to be able to post silly "adult " photos, tell adult jokes, post links to funny adult stuff, etc....
You are in the right place.
I still don't want to hear any racial slurs(That can be considered as truly offensive to the majority of the human race), or see anything related to child porn, bestiality, or poop, but if it comes to mocking size(This can relate to both genders, and the falsities of the cultures, as relates), with HUMOROUS photos, or the like, I'll let that slide, as long as the boundary isn't reached into racial slurs. I reserve the right to delete things that come to close to the illegal lines, regardless of if you grabbed pics from a, supposedly, legit site.
There's humor in many things, including stereotypes, but when done with hatred in one's heart...create a tribe for yourself, as I will delete it. If done on repeated posts, you will be deleted too. I don't have a problem with people testing the boundaries, and I haven't chosen to run something adult related on the net, but..., might as well, as I don't, typically, wear masks, except for work, where necessary.
All that, said and done...
Welcome to !*HystericalAdults*!
May your life be filled with laughs, both out of the bedroom, and in it too, without too many disappointments.
+SW->

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 1 reply

Poopie Jokes

2008-04-04T15:59:36Z

GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper

WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.

SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more.

POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.

DRINKER'S POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

CORN POOPIE: Self explanatory.

GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.

WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.

THE DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done poopie-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.

THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poopie!

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 4 replies

"The Dozens"(Cleaner version)

2008-04-04T15:14:29Z

People make mistakes all the time, unfortunately, you were one of them.

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 1 reply

Funny quotes

2008-04-04T15:13:20Z

"A dirty book is rarely dusty."
~Author Unknown

"At the request of the Catholic Church, a three-day sex orgy to be held near Rio de Janeiro was cancelled last Friday. So instead I spent the weekend cleaning my apartment."
Tina Fey

“Do you really have to be the ice queen intellectual or the slut whore? Isn't there some way to be both?”
~ Susan Sarandon

"A bird in the hand is a white hand."
Anonymous pigeon fancier

We can secure other people's approval, if we do right and try hard; but our own is worth a hundred of it, and no way has been found of securing that.
Mark Twain(1835-1910)

To be fully alive is to feel that everything is possible.
Eric Hoffer(1902-1983)

We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it.
George Bernard Shaw(1856-1950)

Don't go through life. Grow through life.
Eric Butterworth(1916-2003)

"Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse. He will go to any length for it - risk fortune, character, reputation, life itself."
~ Mark Twain

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph."
~ Shirley Temple

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”
~ Bernard Manning

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”
~ Bernard Manning

Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. Unknown

"The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to."
~ P.J. O'Rourke

" I hold nothing against Homosexuals, so long as they do not thrust it down my throat"
Author unknown

"Would you sell the colors of your sunset and the fragrance
Of your flowers, and the passionate wonder of your forest
For a creed that will not let you dance?"
~ Helene Johnson

"Well behaved women rarely make history."
~ Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

"Borrow Money from pessimists...They don't expect it back!"
- Unknown

"POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON"
xXx Busty xXx

I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck up my nose
Unknown

"The forces of safety are afoot in the land.
I, for one, believe it is a conspiracy - a conspiracy of Safety Nazis shouting "Siege Health" and seeking to trammel freedom, liberty, and large noisy parties.
The Safety Nazis advocate gun control, vigorous exercise, and health foods. The result can only be a disarmed, exhausted, and half-starved population ready to acquiesce to dictatorship of some kind."
P.J.O'Rourke, Republican Party Reptile

"Prohibition will work great injury to the cause of temperance. It is a species of intemperance within itself, for it goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts to control mans appetite by legislation, and makes a crime out of things that are not crimes. A prohibition law strikes a blow at the very principals upon which our government was founded."
~Abraham Lincoln~

I'll Always Love You Mum...
but I'll never forgive you for scrubbing my face with spit on a hanky!!!!
Unknown

I do not know with what weapons World War 3 will be fought, but World War 4 will be fought with sticks and stones.
Albert Einstein

"You love like a coward. Don't take no steps at all. Just stand around and hope for things to happen outright. Unthankful and unknowing like a hog under an acorn tree. Eating and grunting with your ears hanging over your eyes, and never even looking up to see where the acorns are coming from."
~ Zora Neale Hurston

"Love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real."
Iris Murdoch (1919- 1999)

"It is necessary only for the good man to do nothing for evil to triumph"
Marcus Aurelius

"A man who won't die for something is not fit to live."
Martin Luther King Jr.

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 5 replies

The Bible according to children

2008-04-01T02:06:09Z

THESE COME FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL . TEST KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA . THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE TWELVE DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 0 replies

Human beatboxes and silly human tricks

2008-03-31T19:25:35Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUpmNgrqHPg

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 5 replies

Death

2008-03-31T19:09:28Z

I have decided I want to die like my grandfather; sleeping Not screaming like the passengers in his car.

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 6 replies

He does windows too

2008-03-31T12:52:14Z

www.linein.org/media/screencleaner.swf

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 0 replies

Skits from tv

2008-03-30T19:35:59Z

Fire Marshall Bill:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdR2T6YKAUc

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 0 replies

Food for thought

2008-03-30T19:24:20Z

Chocolate Calories
A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories. As I enjoy two servings per night, and a few more on weekends, I consume 3,500 calories of chocolate in a week, which equals one pound of weight per week.

Therefore...

In the last 3 1/2 years, I have had a chocolate caloric intake of about 180 pounds. I weigh only 165 pounds, so without chocolate, I would have wasted away to nothing about three months ago!

I owe my life to chocolate.

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 2 replies

The unknown comics

2008-03-30T18:15:19Z

Alright, this thread is about the good comics that you have seen, but aren't well known nationally.
In the case of this first person, he is both a comedian and hypnotist. The video tells more about him like a minor documentary, but...if you get a bit bored, move forward to around 3 minutes into the video.
The woman facing the audience(or her butt is, lol) is my old best friend, and the guy next to her is one of my other old friends and...both are hypnotized, for sure.
He was so pissed, at himself, after the fact, as the shows are videotaped and available for purchase.
He's Mr. straight guy, but that night...he was a dog, sniffing for the most beautiful aroma, which just happened to be located(via suggestion) in another guys crotch(They were all suggested this and most of them responded, lol).
As for the part I am referring to at about 3 minutes in...that is the internationally known band: "The Butt Bongos". <smirk>
Rusty Z's Hypno A Go Go
http://youtube.com/watch?v=rPfc8RxrevE

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 0 replies

The greatest pranks

2008-03-29T21:15:11Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5z4Vs26-TI

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 9 replies

Brunette jokes

2008-03-29T16:52:45Z

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a a blonde streaking dye job.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Over-analytical brunette:

The brunette had been married about a year
One day the she came running up to her husband, jumping for joy
He didn't know how to react
So he started jumping up and down along with her

"Why are we so happy?" he asked
She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"
"Great" he said, "tell me what you're so happy about"
She stopped, breathless from all the jumping up and down
"I'm pregnant!" she gasped

The husband was ecstatic as they had been trying for quite a while
He grabbed her, and kissed her
"Wow, that is wonderful," "I couldn't be happier"

Then she said, "Oh, honey there's more"
"What do you mean more?", he asked
"Well we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"

He was amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant
"How do you that," he asked

"It was easy," she said
"I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2 pack home pregnancy test kit"
"Both tests came out positive!"

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 1 reply

One serious note

2008-03-29T15:44:39Z

Feel free to invite your friends and...before posting, make sure that you aren't posting something racist in here:
Religion, hair color, general humor, etc. are okay but keep porn out of the album too. If it shows a nipple or a crotch...nada. There will be a humor tribe for that stuff, in the near future(I, already have the threads, beginning pix, etc), but...I can only create one of these things at a time, lol.
Enjoy, have fun, get a little, give a little, invite friends, tell jokes and share other forms of comedy til' the wee hours of the night and morn.
+SW->

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 0 replies

Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women

2008-03-29T15:07:19Z

PREGNANCY Q & A & more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

"ESTROGEN ISSUES"

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You 're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-".
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space."
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 2 replies

Michael Winslow gets his own category....

2008-03-29T14:59:14Z

As he is the absolute best at sounds created from deep within:
Immigrant song(A bit of real guitar midway)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31kdfa_iCis
Two versions of Jimi Hendrix:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFDJVTL6leE
(A little real drums in the back, but the rest is him:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0PuIsK2ySk
Funkytown:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlxfEhUOO7U

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 2 replies

Talented animals

2008-03-29T14:16:34Z

Beatbox Bassett
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NBFRNEztSU

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 0 replies

The "Useless, pointless, senseless test"

2008-03-29T13:39:41Z

www.funquizcards.com/quiz/fu...test.php

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 0 replies

The best places to find hilarious cartoons, not found on regular tv.

2008-03-29T13:31:52Z

http://www.themeatrix.com/

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 2 replies

The state of the union or...humor in the political world.

2008-03-29T13:03:58Z

AP:

(Brattleboro, Vermont) A town petition making President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney subject to arrest for crimes against the Constitution has triggered a barrage of criticism from people who say residents are "wackjobs" and "nuts."

The petition - with more than 436 signatures, or at least the 5 percent of voters necessary to be considered - was submitted Thursday and the town Select Board voted 3-2 Friday to put it on the ballot. It goes to a town-wide vote March 4.

It reads: "Shall the Selectboard instruct the Town Attorney to draft indictments against President Bush and Vice President Cheney for crimes against our Constitution, and publish said indictments for consideration by other authorities and shall it be the law of the Town of Brattleboro that the Brattleboro Police, pursuant to the above-mentioned indictments, arrest and detain George Bush and Richard Cheney in Brattleboro if they are not duly impeached, and prosecute or extradite them to other authorities that may reasonably contend to prosecute them?"
They voted it in.
That's pretty funny

posted in !*Laughing With Life*! - 0 replies

!*Laughing With Life*!'s topics - tribe.net

Lost in Translation

I've been notified that...

Job Interview & A Pirate's Story

So you all know...

NOAH AND THE LORD IN 2008

Death for your answers

And they wonder why our court system doesn't work....

Never lose your sense of humor...

Genderfurcational confluxtuation

Golf

Our wonderful youth...

Misunderstandings

The Ultimate Kitchen Prank?

Death and Taxes

Marriage

Classifieds

Stupid is as stupid does

Reflections on life

The blonde thread

In my own world

Religion

Free Association Images Haha

Tweety Bird: Male/Female, Gay/Straight/Bi???

"Her Wedding"

Unofficial(And some official) laws for humanity

Some Useful Condescending Phrases

Customer Dis-Service

Movie quotes and/or humorous somewhat clean scenes

The Confessional thread..Some honesty required, lol

Medical Malpractice

Dear Mr. President

My "OFFICIAL"endorsement for President

Hysterical Adults: The more "adult centered" version of "Laughing With Life"

Poopie Jokes

"The Dozens"(Cleaner version)

Funny quotes

The Bible according to children

Human beatboxes and silly human tricks

Death

He does windows too

Skits from tv

Food for thought

The unknown comics

The greatest pranks

Brunette jokes

One serious note

Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women

Michael Winslow gets his own category....

Talented animals

The "Useless, pointless, senseless test"

The best places to find hilarious cartoons, not found on regular tv.

The state of the union or...humor in the political world.

!Laughing With Life!'s topics - tribe.net