I have been in several dysfunctional relationships. I know this stems from my dysfunctional background. And the depression and low self esteem that came with it.
The good news: I am so over it. I am a smart, able, good hearted women who deserves the same in a man.
I am trustworthy, I want to attract a man I can trust into my life.

Any tips?
posted by:
Aschleigh
offline Aschleigh
Los Angeles
446 friends
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  • kaalii
    kaalii
    offline 53

    Re: Working on attracting better men into my life...

    Fri, May 9, 2008 - 2:54 PM

    ... gratitude lists (having a gratitude diary is a jewel, anyway - the big women like oprah, fro example, had it for 5 years regularly) for the love life you have already no matter how small it seems or how unreal...
    for the positive aspects of the love lives you had...
    and for the love life that's waiting for you in your vibrational escrow as we speak...

    and : "the longer you are willing to wait the faster it will come!"


    a here i'm sending you some love vibes from the other side of the ocean, too...

    love
    kaalii
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  • Jon
    Jon
    online 30

    Re: Working on attracting better men into my life...

    Fri, May 9, 2008 - 7:15 PM
    Well, I can say that just looking at your photo, here's one man that finds you attractive. Unfortunately, I'm probably too young for you, I live in a different state, and may not be what you're looking for anyway. But I thought maybe you could use a compliment. ;)

    Me, I've been single for a LONG time. I've been told I'm attractive, but I wouldn't know it from my love life(or lack thereof). I tend to be kind of awkward about women. The most I'll get is an occasional flirtatious look, but I'm too nervous to do anything about it. I guess I have a lot of issues about self-love and self-confidence. The fact that I'm not doing well financially isn't helping either.

    The whole law of attraction thing is proving really difficult for me. It's hard for me to "fake it 'til I make it." I try to tell myself that I'm a magnet for abundance, but then I look around at my life, and my surroundings beg to differ.
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  • Ray ...
    Ray Vaughn
    offline 144

    Re: Working on attracting better men into my life...

    Fri, May 9, 2008 - 7:26 PM
    Asch..I think your asking a very good and brave question. The thing to remember is that it is much easier to attract material objects and different situations into your life than it is to attract particular people, simply because they are busy attracting what THEY want into their lives too. And it is important to remember that before you even START trying to attract a person into your life, that you WILL need to make sure you have cleared the negative vibrations where your current set-point is. This is not a simple matter, but if you really want this, there are books (I have not read any of them yet myself) that deal more directly with the LOA than the one's I have recommended in our tribe's title, but they ARE out there. Some of them I know are written Katie Byron I think. But look around, I'm sure you can find tools at your local bookstore or library.

    And personally I recommend the Right Use of Will books, channeled by Ceanne DeRohan, but they may not be to your liking.
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  • Moki
    Moki
    offline 329

    Re: Working on attracting better men into my life...

    Sat, May 10, 2008 - 3:14 PM
    I heard that you dont have to go looking for love or good partners when its who you are...

    That loving is not about finding the perfect partner, its about letting them be who they are with all their garbage, exactly as they show up, letting them change or not, and allowing the space to grow, knowing that by working on yourself everything around you will be effected in time as long as you dont expect it.

    its like the gods want you to be perfect, then they will throw you a bone.

    But still, being love, is a place to stand thats powerful
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    • Ray ...
      Ray Vaughn
      offline 144

      Re: Working on attracting better men into my life...

      Sun, May 11, 2008 - 10:00 PM
      Hmm, Moki, that "throw you a bone" comment doesn't ring true for me. Here's why, years ago, about two decades to be exact, when I first found sex addictions programs, I learned that love and sex are not presents to be bestowed because one does one's homework. But more something that one deserves like good food. One must eat every day, and it is not something one can live without, but what you eat is what is important. Same with sex and love. One must have love, but one can turn that energy to the Disney Channel, or the Playboy channel, as one chooses, but something in between is probably best! However, one does not deprive one's self altogether, lest we simply starve to death. And I just don't believe God is some benevolent old white guy sitting in the sky! if I can't love him, touch him and breathe him in, I don't want any God lording it over me! I have no problem with the idea of Being Love, being an incest survivor, the idea of being passed around from guy to guy, seems better than having had no choice about who first got me, at least parts of me. And considering that I am also happily and proudly out as Bisexual, I have no qualms, with the idea of trying Love the whole world, if God So Loved The World, that he sacrificed his only begotten son, then why can't I try to love the whole world!!! ??? So what if it's literally! *yawn* so far I've only tried to screw half of California and made to through at least 150 guys. So the likely hood that I'm actually going get to love the whole world isn't very, I'm apparently not as insatiable as I have been accused of. And I haven't explored women nearly as much as I'd like to! But that's another story. ;-)

      Anyhow, someone recently made a post on another website about 'reformed sluts' and I guess I wanted to come out as a proud slut, why not, at Forty-two I've decided I'm the answer to Life the Universe and Everything! :D
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  • Leo
    Leo
    offline 16

    Re: Working on attracting better men into my life...

    Mon, May 12, 2008 - 6:45 AM
    The good men are out there...all wondering where YOU are!

    Visualize your self being able to recognize them.

    Love & Light
    Leo
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    • Ray ...
      Ray Vaughn
      offline 144

      Re: Working on attracting better men into my life...

      Mon, May 12, 2008 - 11:26 AM
      If your addressing this to me Leo, then let me just say, I know there are lots of good men out there, I've met lots of them. I've only wanted to keep a handful and none of those wanted to keep me! So for me it's more a matter of waiting till one recognizes me, not the other way around! Most men have judgements against a woman whom they consider a slut. They rarely look deeper.

      Love & Laughter

      Ray
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      • Moki
        Moki
        offline 329

        Re: Working on attracting better men into my life...

        Mon, May 12, 2008 - 12:54 PM
        No kidding.

        I'm a breeder, so I just have heard about the struggles of Bi Men/women.

        Basically, since their is so much hatred in the world and jelousy, Gay people and Stright people dont like those that swing both ways.

        Funny, Although I have no interests in men because of my hard wired programming, its clear to me that we are all probably born bi sexual, and choose a path.

        In the current market though, the christians are trying to convince the Gay and Bi sexual people that they are sinning, that its not genetic. The gay people are trying to convince humanity that its genetic, they are born this way, those that try to live a straight life are deny their true genetic self. The Bi Sexuals are just saying can't we all just love each other... :)

        Problem with Poly Amory, polagamist, is that someone in a two ego relationship or three ego relationship has to be Alpha, and someone has to be Beta at times. The mormons work it out because the man is always the Alpha, and the women accept the others because God told them to share the alpha man. In non religous open relationship, the problem of rejection and jelousy run deep. Eventually if your Bi Sexual, you have to choose if you want to be in a relationship, then your either Gay or Straight, but if you remain Bi Sexual, then you remain in non committed or polyamory relationship that get complicated. There are many books on how to make the rules work in these multiple partner relationships, but it causes problems, and isnt easy going.
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        • Leo
          Leo
          offline 16

          Re: Working on attracting better men into my life...

          Mon, May 12, 2008 - 10:31 PM
          It took me years to realize that if they don't want you...you definately don't want them! Not loving you for what you are is a MAJOR character flaw in a partner. It goes both ways of course...and it should.

          However, I always think there are close to 7 billion people on this planet, half of them are men (or women...). What are the chances of there NOT being someone out there who is completely compatible...pretty miniscule.

          (Sigh) Moki has a good point. The judgement thing is incredibly ugly. Have you ever noticed that people who cast judgements are always the least qualified to do so? In my opinion it's always an ego driven diversion tactic...and not a very effective one once you see it for what it is. That lets me return the problem to it's rightful owner.

          Leo
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          • Moki
            Moki
            offline 329

            Re: Working on attracting better men into my life...

            Tue, May 13, 2008 - 8:12 AM
            Yes, the greatest irony is that its the way the human brain works.

            Even the most qualified and educated amoung us judges, creates meaning based on very little data. We can try to be completely open, but at some point we choose.

            Now out right racism and hatred and causing physical pain is very wrong, no question there.

            But people dont know how much they judge, it occurs below their awarness, in some cultures a racist man never thought he was think wrong till he went to war with a black man and the guy saved his life, then he wakes up for the first time.

            Its like the Algory of the Cave, the child see the light, the rest of the world and knows the assumption were wrong.

            We need more love and education in the world, its an ongoing process to teach the children and uneducated adults.
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  • david
    david
    offline 13

    Re: Working on attracting better men into my life...

    Tue, May 13, 2008 - 9:32 PM
    I admire your putting this out here. It seems you've started the process of "attraction" by putting words to this, and speaking your desires into the worlds listening. To carry on, the words "be, do, have" come to mind. In the past, your dysfunctions (like all of ours) have led you to what you got... now your greatness can carry you into what you will have. I've read your posts here, and second that you are smart, good hearted, and trustworthy as evidenced by what you bring to us. In your "doing" the things that you do, you will have the man you can trust in your life.
    Logistics then... the "doing" takes the form of typical mating habits of humans... like choosing the clothes that compliment your best attributes, eye contact, smiling brightly, and getting yourself in the places where you might meet that specific type of man.. most important though, is to be open to the possibility of meeting better men you can trust.
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    • kaalii
      kaalii
      offline 53

      Re: Working on attracting better men into my life...

      Wed, May 14, 2008 - 5:18 AM
      "most important though, is to be open to the possibility of meeting better men you can trust."

      this is why i suggested gratitude journal...

      i've noticed that soooo many things/people/cirumstances to have been right in front of my nose - but just couldnt see them - was not vibrational match to them untill i opened myself up to it ...

      f.e. i have always lived surrounded by artist/musicians...
      and i've moved to switzerland searching for the same homely environment...
      only after starting my gratitude journal - i was SHOCKED to discover that in the (quite small) house i live are 3 atelliers (graphic design and 2 painters) and the owner of the house is retired art therapist!!!
      it took me ONE YEAR to realise that...
      ridiculously funny when you think i was TRYING to find people like that smwhere else... :o)))
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