Thankyou Eniad, I listen to your words..Ive become silent with my words today, I went inside, Im obseving my mind and not letting it race, I do feel a strange clarity after the explosion yesterday, the explosion came after the trying to be calm and patient and reasoning...but she wanted to feed off of the negative conflict...
I read the book the celestine prophecy....i understand...thankyou for your understanding and words, I feel like Ive come home in posting here on my beloved tribe...hugs and lovelight.

Lakota, you model wisdom and grace....... I kep coming back to your post.... I think you are wise to connect emotioanl release with your legs and yoru physical....

What keeps bringing me back to your post is your words in the first paragraph, your talking to your mother and she is supporting you, which sounds indeed like a trasformative miracle.... She had shared as you wrote, abut her huge revelation and shring with you about loving you and kids.... this is huge and actully rare..... there is infact, something transformative that sounds like happening... At the same time, for it to be fully transformative and healing is two-person process.. With the awareness, and clairty, of your mother's revelation, would come a sumltatneous emotional wow, and yet a build up, if you are not careful, of all the past anger, etc... like the where were you before.... instead of letting that creep in.... figuratively and literally, might i suggest letting your mother's words about not being there but how she did love you literally wash over you, your whole body.... I'm feeling like, agin, just a suggestion based on what feelign from your post, like laying down on pallette or some relaxtion laying down and doing some....

In order for the revelation and miracle to have full body lasting tranformation into both of your lives, you wold literally need to let yourself immerse in the words of what she was saying.... not on a cognitive level..... but a heart level...... .... the reason I shre this and kept coming back to , both your pain, but more what i picked up on is your sharing she is going to support you..... that's amzing.... at the same time, her difficulty is hers,a s she shared, and not now, or ever been, about you..... Let that wash over you life a cleansing rain of love....

I mgine that as a loving light from all the times past entering into your body and spreding into every limb, into your finger,s your toes... your hip.... relax into it..... let it, the light cradle, your hip and back..... then you love on it.. Healing is more than cognition, way more.... It is indeed rare your mother share and most likely soemthing in you interacitons and your pesistence and not ..... it doens't happen very often.... take it in and understand it wasn't about you... ever.....

Most blessed and living of holidays for you......