my worst day was when i got extremely pissed at my LO for no good reason and did/said some really stupid things....

When my LO started going out.............with one of my best friends.

When my LO rang me and said that we probably should stop having lunch together and talking after work near our cars. It was like the world had ended. I bawled like a little kid for two days, and at times I sobbed so hard, I made barking noises like a seal. It's embarassing to admit how much it affected me. It felt just like a break-up.

Probably one of those days I was contemplating suicide.

My worst moment with my LO (whom I’ve never met but have played with for about 2 years online), was on my 20th wedding anniversary. I’d come home, had no card from my husband and a dirty house, and no dinner. I had already irritated my LO a week before and so he was holding me a bit at arms length, and I’d had some wine and was feeling rather distressed in general, so we started talking in text and I lost my control – told him I how much he meant to me, that I couldn’t stand having messed up our friendship, and wanted him back, etc…. I was so dumb I didn’t even stop when he said I hadn’t messed up – I may have even told him I loved him – I know I made a fool out of myself regardless. He has since said that my picture should be under “emotional” in the dictionary…. He’s very disciplined & not prone to flights of emotion….

It took almost three weeks after that before I got my friendship back with him. I thought I had lost him for good and it was so scary to think that I wouldn’t have the fun & companionship I look forward to with him. I still care for my husband – more as a friend now & for the kids, but I am just crazy over this guy who I have never even met. I feel a little jealous sometimes of the posters here who work, etc… with their LO’s. I would give so much to be able to know him in person – and really I feel like I am insane – I’m a grown woman – I’ve never felt this irrational before – I think of him all the time, and getting to hear his voice just makes me smile down to my toes. I feel like I shouldn’t even “qualify” to be in this forum because I have never met him, even though our time together online has been considerable & constant for 2 years now – 2-4 hours a day, much more on weekends… Of course he’s never indicated a romantic interest in me, but quite a of our online friends have made comments to me – some people even think we are married before they find out we are just friends. We just have a great camaraderie – and he’s so much fun. But I spend lots of time thinking of “what if” and having flights of imagination of telling him I want to meet him, figuring out how to travel the distance between us, trying to take good care of my beautiful children while making this transition to this wonderful, difficult, stubborn man………

But he probably would just say I’m crazy. LOL What a fine kettle of fish. But I wouldn’t trade it – he’s added so much enjoyment to my life that I so desperately needed. Now if only I can control myself and not drive him away. I'm pretty sure he knows I am crazy about him - I have told him before that if he got involved with anyone I would try to be happy for him, but would be terribly jealous. When I say these kind of things to him he doesn't reply - but he doesn't tell me to leave him alone either, I guess he's just being a nice guy. I've never pursued anyone like I feel like I have with him.