Is it safe to assume that non-limerent relationships are "flat and dull?"

Hi Doug, Hi Chrysalis (great name!)

I think this is an interesting topic worthy of reflection. I would agree with Chrys that my non-limerent relationships have never been flat and grey or dull and that limerence need not be present for deep, enriching relationship. In fact, I find the opposite to be true. Limerence, for me, is a destroyer of intimacy and depth as it thrives on myopic fantasy and superficial imaginings of the person vs. the stickiness of the real person - the good, the bad, the ugly. :) I believe it is the feeling of aliveness that comes with limerence, not the limerence itself, that makes our world come alive and I can say from my own experience that this feeling has always been present in my largely non-limerent self (I have had one bout of limerence). I fall in love in technicolor. So there is GREAT HOPE here for those of us who have suffered or are suffering in limerence. Own those feelings of aliveness - you are capable of feeling them and now the work ahead is to unpin them from your LO and back onto yourself. I think the gift of limerence is the opening up of feeling - especially in those who hadn't been opened this way before (I had, but without the obsessive craziness). Life is about feelings and experience after all and enriching relationships with others. It warms my heart to read of your good friendships, Doug. A big part of climbing out of the limerent pit for me was the reaching out to others (one friend in my physical life knows) and the ability to do that is a beautiful thing - the ability to make yourself vulnerable. So, I'd see the limerence itself is not benign, but the feelings that arise within us can be rechanneled to life-affirming instead of life-destroying acts and stories we tell ourselves. Thanks for posting this - I appreciate being able to reflect on the positives that came from being limerent. For me it pointed to some deep needs in my marriage that were going unmet. My LO was a messenger of sorts, but the message wasn't about attaching myself to him, but listening more deeply to myself.

Be well,
Sofia