That is a very good question, Graeme. Behavioral psychologist BF Skinner conducted experiments (in, I believe, the 1950s) that demonstrated that what he termed "intermittent reinforcement" (rewarding a certain behavior periodically and unpredictably rather than consistently) was far more effective for conditioning an ingrained response (difficult to eradicate) than rewarding the behavior consistently (each time). For instance, everyone knows of the lab rat traveling through a maze to reach a morsel of cheese at the far end. Skinner's studies showed that if the rat was allowed the cheese each time he completed the maze successfully, he became complacent about making the journey at every opportunity. When he did not find the cheese at the end each time, but rather intermittently, and with no predictable pattern, the rat became much more intent on working the maze...even to the point of obsessing over being allowed to run the maze. These experiments were applied to human subjects in a variety of behavior-reward scenarios, and the human results were identical to the rodent model. Skinner found that human subjects learned better and with much more acuity if they were rewarded for their work in an uneven, inconsistent pattern rather than each time. Not only did they learn better, but their interest became keenly piqued. They summoned greater interest and determination to do the work than those who were rewarded each time. In addition, it was much harder to "unlearn" the conditioning in those subjects who had been rewarded intermittently. Put another way, those who had been rewarded only some of the time had a much more difficult time being conditioned out of repeating the behavior. Could this be termed "obsession"? It is not difficult to see the foundation being laid for obsessive pattern, is it?

Why should limerence be any different? I believe limerence too is a learned behavior, even if it is learned on a sub-conscious plane. The object of admiration may become far more appealing to the admirer if the LO seems to blow hot and cold rather than being warm and welcoming consistently.

There is an excellent article for the lay person on "intermittent reinforcement" in wikipedia, for anyone interested:
wik.ed.uiuc.edu/index.php/...inforcement

Wow, Skinner. You have to love him. Anyway Graeme, my experience, limited thankfully to one LO is yes; she is currently tormenting another gentlemen as I speak. He however, deserves it so too bad for him. Mr. Skinner and your LO’s motivations aside, I think it is pretty clear to you that you have to get out of this situation. As, Mr. Dylan said "You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows" and it’s not at your back my friend.

It was pointed out to me that whenever I felt that someone was getting too close to me I would become not just withdrawn, but passive-aggressive and possibly even verbally abusive in order to push that person away. Feeling dependent on another person is not something I have handled well. How I could have been unaware of this for so long is mystifying, it's so blatantly obvious to me now.

Shortly after becoming aware of this aspect of my own behavior, I realized that LO does the same thing and for the same reasons. She's not overt about it like I am, she just becomes cold and distant. She is also aware that she does this, but that's not the same thing as deliberately taking an action in order to provoke a desired response.

Sometimes people do things for reasons that even they don't understand. Just something to consider. And yes, there is a long trail of broken men behind her.