I'm sorry. I'm grieving. I've lost enough (two babies, my mother, countless other friends and relatives) to know what grief feels like. I also know that for some reason it's the worst around 8 or 9 months. Almost as if you are in labor, giving birth to your grief. So here I am, 8 months of NC and I'm really feeling the contractions. I so hope this means it will fade soon. At any rate, I started reading (again) "A Grief Observed" by CSLewis. Here's what hit me tonight:

"Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief. Do these notes merely aggravate that side of it? Merely confirm the monotonous, tread-mill march of the mind round one subject? "

That quote alone almost makes limerence sound just like grief. Even though my LO hasn't died, I'm coming to terms with the reality that he's dead to me. Here's another that hit home:

"It is incredible how much happiness, even how much gaiety, we sometimes had together after all hope was gone. How long, how tranquilly, how nourishingly, we talked together that last night. " Sigh. Only I didn't realize at the time that it really was our last night. I just new it was soon.