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I visit this tribe often because the advice and support are wonderful. My story is that limerence has been with me my entire life: through high school, college, graduate school and my career. I am married and have wonderful children. I often ask myself the question "Why?" Why do I have a co-worker LO? Why before her, were there countless other LO's? Why can't I just shake this off?
My current LO has no idea of my feelings. She is also married and has children. I am her boss and we have a great working relationship. We like to play practical jokes on each other with both of our spouses aware of our childish pranks. She often comes into my office and we share stories about our families, sports, weekend activities, etc. The problem is, when I am not at work, I constantly think about her. When I am at work, I love to have conversations with her. If she pays me a compliment, I am in ecstacy. Even her just giving me attention is ecstacy. If she leaves without saying good-bye, I get depressed. If she speaks to others and not me, I get depressed. She has no idea that her actions are greatly affecting my emtions. NC is out of the question because of our job. LC is also difficult because of our work. I would appreciate any advice.
My current LO has no idea of my feelings. She is also married and has children. I am her boss and we have a great working relationship. We like to play practical jokes on each other with both of our spouses aware of our childish pranks. She often comes into my office and we share stories about our families, sports, weekend activities, etc. The problem is, when I am not at work, I constantly think about her. When I am at work, I love to have conversations with her. If she pays me a compliment, I am in ecstacy. Even her just giving me attention is ecstacy. If she leaves without saying good-bye, I get depressed. If she speaks to others and not me, I get depressed. She has no idea that her actions are greatly affecting my emtions. NC is out of the question because of our job. LC is also difficult because of our work. I would appreciate any advice.
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Re: Why? Limerence with co-worker
Thu, November 5, 2009 - 3:24 PMHello Al. Welcome to this tribe.
I can't give your answers, but I can share some impressions I have from reading your story. If limerence is a long-time experience for you, dating back to early adolescence, and has remained fairly steady, it is... a)not surprising you are in limerence now, and b)probably indicative of something core to your psyche that fuels your serial limerence. I have no idea what that could be...I don't know you. But my guess would have to be that limerence is at the root of something extremely important in your development.
I imagine it would be quite useful to you to do some exploration around it to see if you can get at whatever it is. Have you ever met with a psycho-therapist or someone of this occupation.
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Re: Why? Limerence with co-worker
Thu, November 5, 2009 - 5:16 PMHi, Al. :)
I'm sorry to hear about your situation...your type of circumstances resonate with me because I've experienced similar ones--not being able to get yourself out of everyday contact with an LO, short of seriously upending something. It's hard to be in that trap. You might be thinking that you might as well give up on trying to stop seeing or interacting with your LO, because you know it will be futile; you have to see her all the time, which tends to make everything worse.
It's times like these that surrender becomes a good option. If there is truly nothing you can do to avoid contact, then surrendering to your situation might be the only thing you can do. Don't give up and give in, but simply recognize that, for now, this is your situation...and be aware of your reactions (as you seem to be already). There's no need to get real analytical about them, just notice them and realize that your limerence is working. This sort of Buddhist approach always helps me center myself when I'm around an LO, and I hope it might be useful to you in some way.
I'm not very old, but limerence has been a mainstay in my life as well, and I do not understand why, like you. I do think it is deeply ingrained in me to continue experiencing limerence for whatever reason. Recently I've begun to view it as spiritual practice, and treat it as a challenge...it reminds me to be aware of myself, accept what is here, and remain open to suffering as a catalyst for growth. Limerence has taught me more than I could probably put into words.
Welcome again. :) -
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Re: Why? Limerence with co-worker
Tue, November 10, 2009 - 8:54 AMHello Thinker,
This is a great post, thank you very much for sharing these ideas! I especially like your conception of limerence as a way to mental and emotional discipline. I believe that, with proper reflection (I keep journals, and try to share what I can with others; I am very interested, for example, in the relationship of memory and fantasy), limerence can lead to profound self discovery and, importantly, self-acceptance -- exactly as you say.
Cheers,
Steven -
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Re: Why? Limerence with co-worker
Tue, November 10, 2009 - 11:57 AMHey Steven,
Thanks for the compliment, I forgot that I'd even written a reply here. :) If you're more interested in this sort of approach to limerence, you might want to go back several months in our forum archives...the earlier part of this year, I think...and take a look at some of the posts there. We used to have a group here that was very open to Buddhist-inspired teachings and practices (and spirituality, introspection in general) as a way to work through limerence, and there were many discussions about how this was helpful to us/how it changed us/how it was working or could be applied in our situations.
The personality of the tribe seems to have changed in recent months; I'm not seeing the same echo-back/resonance with these ideas that there used to be. I guess we've taken on a different character. Still, I'm glad to see that you're at least a little interested in this kind of discussion...only sorry that you may have been too late for a better discussion!
I wish you lots of luck in your reflection and exploration of yourself, it's definitely a worthwhile adventure to embark on. :) -
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Re: Why? Limerence with co-worker
Wed, November 11, 2009 - 8:25 AMHi Thinker,
Thank you for adverting to the previous discussions -- I will look into that soon. I'm eager to experiment with any relevant techniques that could help me to better deal with, or to productively channel, my limerence.
I've only been here for about a week and a half, so I haven't formed an image of the character of this tribe yet... but it seems that there are (still) many very thoughtful individuals participating, though maybe a bit too much religious talk for my taste. Nevertheless, I'm quite happy with what I've read so far.
Cheers,
Steven
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