this is the 4th night I've either not slept, slept ittle or couldn't stay asleep and my adhd and manic depressive episodes is off the charts. My OCD is very irritated and active too.

It's also fucking cold in here, since it's a garage and not insulated and daddy keeps forgetting to bring in the radiator, so I am often awake at 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 am, fully dressed huddled in my jacket freezing cold, and my feet are permenant blocks of ice even with socks since I have no slippers, and the pair I want need to be ordered online, and they were supposed to be birthday presents well over a month away, but I just can't wait. He's been a very good sport, but I keep him awake many of these nights, and we really need separate bedrooms but we're a 1 room garage, there is no other room, sept out in the other room, on the floor on an air matress, but I'd still be cold and lonely and upset out there too, but I wouldn't have internet to come onto and pour myself into.


I've also got some medical shit going on, one of my nostrils is completely blocked most the time has been for about 6 months and my throat always feels clogged and I'm always thirsty and can't ever get enough to drink. I'm constantly stiff and in pain from head to toe and this has been going on for about 6 months now, and I am hoping it's just that I need a very good massage and rub down. I keep getting these severe itchy bumps all over my scalp and they ITCH LIKE MAD AND HURT! and nobody can tell me why, and god I know I sound like a hypochondriac right now but I am seriously not doing good mentally emotionally or physically.




I've also been very fragile last couple days nerve wise with Daddy, and nerve wise my nerves are right under the surface or easily exposed, but this is super exposed. I normally do not consider him and I getting into fisticuffs domestic violence and in the past have forgiven it since I do attack him back, but I am getting fed up.


He hit my hand today for attempting to honk the horn at a guy that almost head on collided with us, and I hit him back because it hurt really bad, he hit me harder than he meant to, and he hit the thinnest part of the back of my hand and right between a tendon too, and started crying and told him if he did it again I'd consider it domestic violence, since he has a history of flying off the handle and hitting me, but he never means to hurt me, It's supposed to be light disciplinary smacks like you'd give a child but, he's strong and he doesn't know the full force of his hand smack till I am howling and enraged. When I am enraged I am a pycho, I WILL hurt you, I am a danger to myself and to him. It's an automatic rip you to shreds before you can kill me response.

Course when he hits me like that it don't take much to enrage me and I have full out attacked him very violently before, and normally he's very passive and will let me full out assault him with little attempt to fight back but last time he fought back and it got extremely ugly.


He knows that hitting me like this will send me into a tail spin or a fighting rage but it's instinctive he doesn't even think about it till it's over, and I've laid down the law tonight that he needs to stop, and I am dead serious, but he'll forget and whap me again if I'm doing something stupid, like trying to honk the horn at an idiot who almost collided head on with us.