living in recovery's topics - tribe.net

my heart hurts

2007-10-15T21:58:33Z

It seems that when everyone finally finds comfort in a situation, it doesn't matter what it is, something else has to happen. It's enevitable!!

I've lost many people in my life. In most cases I can pull up my boot straps and move on. When my mom was taken, I didn't cry, I had no emotion. I learned how to stuff it. It took me 14 years to process that loss. I've lost my Granny,stuffed, 2 uncles, stuffed, Big Joe, stuffed, Randy, stuffed, my best friend's (of 19 years) mom who was the closest thing I had for a mom for a very long time, had to be strong for the family, stuffed, Chad, stuffed, I know there's more. I can't stuff anymore......

What am I trying to say. My best friend just recently posted a blog about risks. Taking them, or not taking them.

Do I allow myself to continue to grow attached to people knowing that there is a certainty that they too will go away? Well, I suppose life would be pretty boring if I lived that way. Maybe not boring but pointless. I mean what's life without love and loss.

So, I get this news about my best friends older sister (who I've also known for 19 years) and she has this cancer. She's been given a life expectancy. A very short one at that. My emotions have gotten the best of me. At some points I can't function at work, driving or interacting with friends. I wondered why.

With all of the loss that I have had previously you think I would be okay just stuff it. But I'm not. It's not something that one can get accustomed to. I didn't realize how much of an impact that this person has had on my life. Why does it take something tradgic to make me look at something, someone, or myself for that matter? My heart hurts more than words can say. All of that loss that I stuffed has just exposed itself. All of that hurt finally comes out.

In life so far, there is nothing that I have done that I have regretted. The chances that I have taken at some points were like playing russian roulette. With everything that I have done, every loss that I have faced, every obstacle that has been put in my path, even my addiction, I know this, everything, absolutely everything happens for a reason. There is nothing that life has handed me that I haven't learned something from. These things have allowed me to grow.

I've put my emotions on the front lines to allow them to be looked at, stomped on, laughed at, discouraged, and in some cases, embraced. Go for it.....

So, this is it in a nutshell, this is what I have learned in 27 years. Life is not something to be taken for granted. It can be pulled at any moment, I have no control over this. Risks are meant to be taken, I can't sit back and just let life happen without participating, (I tried that it's just becomes more work for me later). I take risks in loving people and the biggest risk, allowing them to love me. Sure, it may hurt, however think of the rewards in allowing this to happen.

If you need someone to know something, tell them, don't wait for the RIGHT TIME. It doesn't matter if people think you're crazy. If you think someone is doing a good job, tell them. If you think that someone is good looking, tell them. If you think someone is a good parent, tell them. I have never understood why people are so quick to jump on someone when they are fucking something up but never have the time to call the Burger King manager and tell them how wonderful their service was today. Just something to think about. IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE, TELL THEM. Sometimes people need to hear these things. You would be amazed what happens when you think about someone and you just call them, listen to the re-action. I guarentee they probably needed someone to call and tell them that someone was thinking about them or maybe they were thinking about you and were just saying, "oh, I'll call tomorrow!"

Those things that most people call coincidences, um, they are not coincidences, those are things that let you know that you're on the right track. Same thing with that De Ja Vu thing. Always just do the next right thing and the next right thing will happen. Oh yeah, and when thinking about the future becomes too overwhelming, you can start with today and breathe.

I'm sure this was nothing but a bunch of babble....that's okay....it needed to be put out there for someone else to sort out. So if you can figure this out for me let me know!!

So, I need everyone to know before they leave, I LOVE YOU!!!

Much love and respect,

Scooter

posted in living in recovery - 1 reply

NO MATTER WHAT

2007-09-22T18:38:18Z

I encourage you to come and tell us your NO MATTER WHATS. I know everyone has them. Experience, strength, hope, faith, love, PERSERVERANCE. The theme of the NCCNA convention was a great inspiration to me and to many others. I would like for everyone to be a part of that!! The name of the new tribe is NO MATTER WHAT!!

posted in living in recovery - 0 replies

healing art project on my tribe page

2007-04-23T18:20:46Z

I am creating a healing art experiment on my tribe page
where I create a piece of art work and ask a question
and then depending on the comments and response it gets
will inspire future art pieces and questions

so
please hop on over to my tribe page
and leave a comment or 2 (or 3)
even become a new friend to this art experiment of mine

thanks
bragitta

posted in living in recovery - 0 replies

I made it !!!

2007-03-04T16:16:45Z

Today...March the 4th is officially my 1 Freakin year Birthday!!!

i love you guys for helping me through it!!

Mike

posted in living in recovery - 0 replies

what's going on for NYE???!?!!

2006-12-29T09:12:43Z

hey out there i'm looking for some good clean fun for NYE at the same time wanna dnce the night away, any suggestions??? please reply soon NYE is almost here!

posted in living in recovery - 0 replies

Thank you

2006-09-29T17:54:27Z

What an awesome fellowship I am a part of. I just finished reading the 3rd tradition in the Basic Text and in the It work how and why. I am so proud of myself. I just wanted to share what I got from it or what I have become more aware of. The third tradition talks about I'm sure you all know our only requirement for membership......THE DESIRE.......to stop using. Not the final decision to or the promise that no one can promise. I have learned more recently that I do in fact have a disease. I am not exempt from its grasp for any reason I am just like everyone else I can now more closely relate to the newcomer. As a result of thinking and believing that I was in fact exempt. I am me it will never happen to me. Well it did. What a humbling experience to get my 30day chip. What a humbling experience to sit during the birthday countdown at the campout and watch all of my 3 yr buddies stand while I sit and think about what I did. Poopie!!!! I have a DESIRE today more than ever to participate in my recovery. I am excited that I get to start over. The butt kicking machine's battery is dying as is the lie.
I am glad that I am me today. I am greatful that I have been given a reason to look at who I am at a greater measure. I am even more greatful that I get to be a member of this fellowship solely based on my DESIRE to sop using. I wasn't turned down for membership my second time around because I had bad credit.
What an awesome feeling it is to sit and talk with someone who is going through it whether they have 1 month or 18 years and be able to say its not worth it.
I am proud to be a member of this fellowhip. Thanks for letting me babble babble!

posted in living in recovery - 0 replies

T-Shirt Exchange

2006-09-15T14:40:29Z

I have a Northern California NA / Mens retreat tank top size XXXL, it is washed but not worn. I would like to trade for any NA related t-shirt sie XL or XXL. I will pay to ship mine and you will need to pay to ship yours.

Much Love and Respect

Mike G.

posted in living in recovery - 0 replies

camp outs

2006-03-08T00:15:18Z

i love camp outs. being out side makes me feel free, i can get a good sence of self, become one with nature. at the camp outs we have midnight camp fire meetings and thy are spititule

posted in living in recovery - 0 replies

sex

2006-03-01T03:02:35Z

why is it that we just cant seem to get enuff? some say the endorphens that it releases is what makes it addictive. others say the fealling of ephoria is why we are hooked, i think it is just all and any for me, what do you think?

posted in living in recovery - 0 replies

princepals befor persanallitys

2006-02-24T02:16:21Z

you shouldent juge the person by their adittude,alot of people can be ass's from time to time. the way they snap at you,the way they act. about every negative vibe you can think of .
but remember they will have a message. may it be recovery related or some insight on life period. so just becouse they are being a bitch or an asshole they could say somthing that might save your life and your recovery.............

posted in living in recovery - 0 replies

me

2006-02-23T02:56:30Z

i'm a recovering drug addict, i started useing drugs @ 13,i started drinking and it progressed to harder things. by the time i found recovery Meth was my last drug of choice i cooked it and used it any way possible. I'm going on 3 years clean now and all i live by is recovery. i'm still a freak and still party just not with drugs it's nice that way becouse now i can remeber where i parked the car or who i came home with, my only problem is when somebody sees me in the store and says hey remimber when we did that thing and idont remember. but that too shall pass

posted in living in recovery - 2 replies

living life in my recovery

2006-02-23T02:51:51Z

in my recovery my N.A. group (Gift of life in Hutchinson Ks.) we love to have any excuse to have fun so at least once a month we'll have a dance or a acctivity of somesort intell summer time comes then our whole area will get together and camp out pretty much most of the summer. the camp outs are the best useally about 50 to 150 tent and campers get togather its like a drug free woodstock or a small city. we have camp fire meatings and those are really spirituale. a lot of bonding and if you meet the right people even a little freaken might go on.

posted in living in recovery - 1 reply