i feel this does not really fit in this forum. but i thought, what the hell, maybe we need a little R& R. So here goes.....

Its Hard work.
Being us. its hard work.
We don't know why we are here and who we are really. We want to. and we try to but when most of your thoughts and impulses are subconscious how can you really say you are the master of who you are.
Think about it. You think you know why you do the things you do but look closer.
what drives you. where does it come from.
Where do your impulses come from. That inner tugging of your soul, who made it?
Was it your parents? is it your life until now?
The things you have done,felt and thought, their memories, are they the ones that your imagination or being uses to look outward into the now? into the future you want?
If so, then isn't your circle drawn? I mean, you can only extend as far as you know, and what you know is what has passed.
So how do we get newness?
We do have newness you know. its a feeling. its a response to something that we experience and think. It doesn't come often, infact we call it Inspiration.
Anyway, i digress.
most of yourself cannot be conscious. because there'd be too much and you would not be able to deal with your everyday life, or at least it seems.
so, the next thought you think, comes from somewhere inside you but you don't choose it. it comes.
who chooses? why that thought and not any other?
Then there's motivation. Motivation is an energy filled emotion that is optimistic and upbeat. Its the wind beneath our wings saying, "Lets go, we'll make it. it feels good".
And we strive and stretch. and eventually, reach or move towards our goal. And in that time, living makes sense. life has a purpose. focus is empowering.
But still, where did the motivation come from? why that? why not something else?
My primary question is, we do not select the thoughts we think. We select from the thoughts presented.
In a bad mood you get a basket of thoughts that resonates with your feeling. when in a good mood, the same.
why is it so hard to think good thoughts when in a bad mood? or bad thoughts when feeling good?
Mood reminds me of different colored sunglasses. you wear a really dark pair and all is not well. you wear a light vibrant colour and the world sings.
Can you decide your mood? can you?
i want to feel super right now, can i? if not why?
This other self that brings these things, how does it choose? Can i be involved in the process?
In my experience, what works is to allow it all.
i gave up the forcing and grunting. you never win when you fight yourself.
Riding the waves of who you are and letting them be, letting them come and leave seems to work.
Our problem is resisting the heavy ones. the unpleasant ones. And trying to hold on to the good ones.
allowing your self to breathe as you do, good and bad, without clutching or ducking lets life happen.
and then you find that the tempo goes down.
and some stillness comes in. and yes, you will love the stillness. the quiet moments.
Sometimes i envy the swimmers. The ones who move from thought to thought, feeling to feeling, caring only about what is right infront of them. focused on now. feeling now.
No introspection,no questions. The swimmers live everyday. they live all the time. They party and hang out, experience life without questions.
For the others who are not so lucky we get stuck with questions. brooding, introspection. All this leads to is some interesting viewpoints, more questions, less living.
But like i said, most of us is sub conscious meaning i have no idea where my motivation comes from. what makes me write this blog, ask these questions. i just know i respond to something in me. i emote.
Would i rather be a swimmer? i don't know. How can i know when i have no idea what my propulsion is?
Do you know what powers you? why that and not something else?
Can you choose?
do you need to?