Advertisement
out there in your life are really irritating you/triggering you?
and how is it going taking back that lost will?
Had two experiences today. One, these teenagers were wound up high on really yang energy, yelling at people and cars and were pretty threatening as I rode past maybe 20 yards away. I felt a wave of fear rage at of them. Then after I moved I could open up to that overfull energy they had and suddenly found a lot of directions I wanted to express it.
Second was this woman on a bike ahead of me - me on motorcycle. She was pedaling in this really exagerated way, pushing down with her whole body on each pedal. As I passed I feel this snarly irritation which surprised me. I mean, what the hell, she was just riding along. When I got into this, moved my reaction to her, I found that my body wanted to move like hers and I keep it tight because of fear. She was really showing herself in an honest, almost childlike way. I walked like her, next time I was out, and it felt great in my body, but also brought up fear.
Both times moving led back to past life stuff and early void/OC type stuff.
and how is it going taking back that lost will?
Had two experiences today. One, these teenagers were wound up high on really yang energy, yelling at people and cars and were pretty threatening as I rode past maybe 20 yards away. I felt a wave of fear rage at of them. Then after I moved I could open up to that overfull energy they had and suddenly found a lot of directions I wanted to express it.
Second was this woman on a bike ahead of me - me on motorcycle. She was pedaling in this really exagerated way, pushing down with her whole body on each pedal. As I passed I feel this snarly irritation which surprised me. I mean, what the hell, she was just riding along. When I got into this, moved my reaction to her, I found that my body wanted to move like hers and I keep it tight because of fear. She was really showing herself in an honest, almost childlike way. I walked like her, next time I was out, and it felt great in my body, but also brought up fear.
Both times moving led back to past life stuff and early void/OC type stuff.
Advertisement
Advertisement
-
Re: What reflections....
Fri, October 30, 2009 - 7:24 PMAnd please, reflections from your lives back home, not from other people here on the internet.
Let's get a little air in here. -
-
projecting self-love onto others..
Fri, October 30, 2009 - 8:53 PMoh, and just to be clear, this is not in reference to any of the women posting here. i am speaking of women who appear in my real, physical life and reflect this lost will to me in ways i am sure they are mostly completely unaware of (fortunately for them!)...
(if anyone relates to this male OR female i'd love to hear about it.... i wonder how universal projected self-love is... maybe we could all find some common ground in this and heal some of the splits plaguing this tribe ?)
thanks again for starting this topic worm... -
-
Re: projecting self-love onto others..
Fri, October 30, 2009 - 9:25 PMHi Nathan and thanks for posting here.
When you say you are projecting self-love...
is it that the women seem confident in their being sexy and attractive?
And what part of the beginning of Indigo?
Thanks,
W -
-
Re: projecting self-love onto others..
Sat, October 31, 2009 - 2:25 PMum, worm, i don't know if its that they seem sexy, its more about giving them my attention and not being reciprocated.
the part in the indigo book is Mother and lost Will of Heart and speciffically there's a blurb where she goes in to a bit about feelings of loving soemone more than yourself. -
-
fascist governments and religions make my stomach burn
Sun, November 1, 2009 - 12:16 PMI have known about the corruption that spawned this horrible economic structure and have not taken my eyes away
it is practically illegal to live like a good animal anywhere in the US, and i am one of the only people i know that lives with an open fire - yesterday i was buzzed at close range by a helicopter (plus it is illegal to live in tents, but i am a paid botonist on this project and am legal)
when the helicopter circled back around at low altitude, i had a nuclear fissure type of hot-flash....i am way aware of the fascist legal system designed by death that has created hell on earth and have had to deal with having helicopters come to my wilderness gardens and cut all of my tree's down and take away all of my tools...so, i still have post trauma that my body is remembering from this life as well as much worse situations that occurred in the past!
when this copter came down and circled me several times, i immediately went and sit near my fire and felt the terror move through me. I said "welcome home, i know it doesn't seem safe to you in this moment, but know they will not hurt us....please stay with me... I love you and will not reject you for being terrorized by intimidating form. forgive me for having rejected you in the past, you have every reason to be terrified!!!!!!"
I am a midwife when lost Will arrives, I always cloister it and help it to stay present, instead of rushing into another reversal - this is one of the major reasons i live remote, i am prone to Lost Will coming in at any second and i give it sound and body motion. I did this near my fire...then i made terror a cup of tea from my shiney new pan on the flames.
as i read what you said worm, i flashed on all the driving i do where i can feel the driver close by and get aggitated by their apparent aggitation....i usually speed up and get away from them or slow down and let them get way ahead....i even pull over when it feels thick. I never really related to them like i had responsibility there, except i have been known to do my clearing prayer with those who compete with me when i am driving....my clearing prayer is close to my lips all day everyday, it is the sorting sound i make that registers my new position with all of me - i feel as tho it is important to have all the pov's in agreement - that is a good day when that happens. good thread, aloha. -
-
Re: fascist governments and religions make my stomach burn
Sun, November 1, 2009 - 7:17 PMHi Andora,
the one part that leapt out as connected to what I am on about is the part with the competing drivers and how this may be Lost Will
competitive energy of yourse out there.
I find there are a couple of ways of taking Lost Will and I definitely see the triggered by something that brings up Long Lost Will as one way. But the books are also making a lot of effort to get us to notice our Lost Will 'out there' not just what the out there triggers, that's the part I am focusing on here.
W -
-
competitive
Mon, November 2, 2009 - 8:19 AMyeah worm i have been paying attention to the thoughts and sensations that i experience when peops want to race or cut me off when i am driving - by trade i am a cheauffer (even tho i never learned how to spell such) = so, i was trained and re-trained on safety and etiquette - i pretty much stay within those bounds, but there is an anger that rises in me when people aggress me on the road or compete with me. This has been something i kind of have a third person point of view about, almost like there is this judge that looks and listens to this part of me when it rises in me and this judge keeps dragging my consciousness over to examine the aggida that rises. My conscious self pretty dogmatic about being anti-competition - doesn't like to keep score at tennis, etc..and i have judgments against competitive people. I don't want to drop the judgments about competition being estranging, but i do wish to keep an open heart about the way people have been indoctrinated into death that gives them this edge - i don't like that edge....it is not my vibe, and i don't like living around it
but, also the part of me that the judge is observing is VERY competitive and hates to be fucked with when driving - hates passive aggressive drivers etc. we have a lot of that here, where powerless peops take their anger out on strangers on the road...i see it all the time. But, I am trying to get the drift of what you are doing in the case of owning what bothers you about those that trigger you...i guess this is why i do my clearing prayer so much of the time, but i am a little fuzzy about how this may be helping you to try and love the behavior or attitude of that which triggers you? or maybe you are attempting to relate to behaviors you never allow yourself to indulge in as the lost parts that want acceptance? -
-
Re: competitive
Thu, November 5, 2009 - 5:16 PMHi Andora
well the competition issue some ripe to me.
I have found it tricky to hit the balance point, but I love competition. I also love games and sports that do not have it. But I have generally only been happy with certain people. I cannot be happily competitive with most people. If someone likes when I do badly it sets off feelings in me that turn the game into something else. If someone is willing to cheat or be violent, it turns the game into soemthing else for me. But I have definitely enjoyed playing sports and keeping score, played hard against people playing hard and both won and lost and felt only affection for the other team and myself. I find the points give the game a structure I like - thought I can also be without it. Most of my best experiences are with team sports - that makes it easier to hold whatever balance point - when both men and women are on each team. Had some great experiences and with people playing damn hard and it's been OK. It has happened with just men, though it happens less often when it is just men, especially if I have never met them before. Often is more like practice for war or some other thing.
I suppose driving brings up some of these issues but I have always had shitty cars when I've had cars and competing with cars on a motorcycle, nah, I just try to keep them away from me. -
-
This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: competitive-violence women's soccer
Fri, November 6, 2009 - 1:14 PMwww.youtube.com/watch
Just too much. It 'hit me' when I saw the actual punches later in the vid...Releasing judgements about violence, and being spontaneous are not a team-sport-public-university realm to me anyway..'It's going to look bad out there awhile' applies somewhat, but I myself don't go for such example as given (Brigham Young Univ. inc.)
What-to-do
I was raised OK with sports; got well-rounded and it even surfaced in high school though I 'wasn't there' anymore. What a Glow playing with a team and doing good! One such game, I hit-tackled in football-( Am.) a stranger HARD but it was 'legal;' and we had all that padding...It was good, it was bad, it was shocking but...what a rush-is this Movement too?
Much later, there was Ultimate Frisbee- football with a fris'. Rocked my world 'cause you can Leap a lot-and I did well again.
But one, I have yet to see real teamwork as a serious goal and principle all-round (in this Country) and two, Spirit saying 'I wouldn't be surprised if all sports didn't came from (that Court time in Pan)' really made me chew HARD on it. (And there I am)
S. -
-
Re: competitive-violence women's soccer
Fri, November 6, 2009 - 4:37 PMI don't think getting it feeiling good is easy or common, but I've been fortunate to find situations where it did - usually as I said in mixed groups, with some tinge of left hippy feel even if this was somehow blended with tremendous passion and not the usual hippy denials.
Thinking of this thread....
Someone else competing in a negative way
or not being a team player
or being an asshole
is reflecting something to us.
The nice guy gal can sideline themselves and say that's not for me, that's not me. I hate that. I ain't like that.
But then the reflection gets missed.
There is a passion out there, twisted by our judgments of it, running around, shitting on people, or subtly making war out of play.
I want that passion in my body, not out there.
Once it becomes untwisted, what is it.
And this isn't sports only, driving as Andora brought up is another place where this kind of me first or selfish aggression or whatever you want to call it runs around.
That is life force.
Right now working on getting back in my body this seemingly really judgmental energy I encounter at work. It focuses on what is not going right. It is nitpicky. It is not gentle. It does not care how the other person feels when it points out what they are doing wrong.
I know in my life I have given others too much slack. By this I mean, I let them walk over me. Or I failed to express with passion what I really wanted.
Now I have this Lost Will in my face, raining on my day, just as I rained on its day when I pushed it out there and judged it as a cold, Aspbergers, control freak urge.
-
-
thanks for the chuckle worm
Mon, November 9, 2009 - 2:57 PM"and judged it as a cold, Aspbergers, control freak urge."
i think i am getting some of your drift here
i have a control freak issue - rather than accept the control freak I study those who are willing to over-ride others in order to control them and as a result, have given up the illusion of power that this creates....so, i have been making amends to the part that insists upon control even tho i do not allow it to act upon the desire to push power around. My eldest daughter seems to be demonstrating the denied power-monger in me and for this i have been disgusted by her! I did take your advice for moving emotion about this as a way of locating the part of me that i continually deny that wants to push and pull....always brings me back to the judgment release: "I forgive myself for having over-extended my power and hurting my loved ones" and "i forgive myself for having judged and believed that i must use force to get what i desire"
before i realized that i was, in fact, POWERFUL...i was over-reaching and in denial of such....ever since then i have been sitting on my hands! Must be one of the reasons I HATE COMPETITION - HEH?
the other day i was driving and these two cars held both lanes and were forcing everyone behind them to drive the speed limit, which here rarely ever goes over 45mph. the rage on the road was getting passed from car to car and by the time i turned off the highway, there were about 40 cars with enraged folks in them! As an AGGRESSIVE/AGGRESSIVE PERSON I FIND PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE TO BE THE WORST....i guess now, i must locate my denied passive aggression? or can i simply have dislike for such foolishness?
now that i think of it, every time i was in a working situation with a boss, i was unable to be spontaneously authentic and had to push my STUFF down. i guess i hated myself there pretty bad
nice to come out of the forest for some friendly conversation worm
aloha
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Re: projecting self-love onto others..
Sun, November 1, 2009 - 7:13 PMHi Nathan,
I think you said sexual energy in your first post, that's where I got the idea. I also thought you meant 'projecting' like in psychology where you see parts of yourself you have trouble accepting in others.
Now with all my confusions explained.....
I assume the Lost Will is all the pain and feelings around not being reciprocated.
It also sounds like you see it as loving them instead of yourself.
I guess I am wondering if the women themselves are reflecting back to you an image of self-love with your judgments of what that is like. Like they come off smug or pompous or indifferent or some other negative adjective.
Like they are literally holding your self-love in a twisted form or even are only this not just holding it.
This can all sound rather mental, but I don't really experience in a thought way, so much.
Like with those teenage guys, after I moved my hatred and fear of them, I could feel in me how good it would feel to embody their sound/vibe and a lot of places I wanted to aim it.
I used to be more official and welcome into me Lost Will, if it wasn't simply triggering into me. Nowadays it seems like if I just move my reaction to it, I can feel a pull toward expressing the Lost Will.
Soemtimes I judgement release. I didn't around those boys, but around the biking girl I did. I found judgments that it is not safe to be childlike or playful and that I have to be braced for horrible experiences that are coming.
I hope this doesn't just muddy things up more.
W
-
-
-
-
-
Re: What reflections....
Fri, October 30, 2009 - 8:36 PMhi worm,
i appreciate this. reflections from my life thats up for me right now is that of projecting my self-love onto others. speciffically women whom i send sexual energy out to, often in ways that seem out of my control... its painful cause i always feel like i am giving something away and getting nothing back but denial.
how's it going reclaiming that lost will....?
well its been HELL so far....
some of the worst, most heart-wrenching pain i can imagine has been around this issue and honestly i don't know if i am any closer to reclaiming the self-love here which i have projected on to "other".... there's been times when i feel like i can or am close, but many reversals.... the first couple chapters of indigo seem really relevant to this for me and i think moving some really deep rage and terror is going to be necessary here for me to change this.... it feels pretty hopeless and desperate at the moment... i feel like i'm struggling to keep my head above the waters...
thanks for bringing this up. Nathan
-
Re: What reflections....
Sat, October 31, 2009 - 9:56 AMI am the woman you see at the grocery store or restaurant who's kids are dirty and noisy. I never make them say please and thank you. We are loud and messy, and we even eat with our mouths open. People sneer all the time and point at us. Oh they really stare when I let the kids RUN in a public place. "oh it’s not safe" they all say.
How can we even live in this world where it’s not safe for kids to yell and scream and RUN.
I never make the kids cut their hair or finger nails, unless they want to, and I let them dress however they like. If they want to play video games all day or eat candy till they puke, or run with scissors, or jump in the biggest mud puddle, stay up as late as they can keep their eyes open.
"She has no control over those kids" they like to say or "how dare she wear that out in public" when I wear a slip dress to the hardware store. How sad because they really wish they could wear what they wanted and the wish to the high heaves they were one of my kids....because when you are with us when we all eat grapes right off the market shelf and we always speak without being spoken to.
We are genuine.
"All he cared for was freedom and food" but we like to add lots of LOVE. -
-
Re: What reflections....
Sat, October 31, 2009 - 1:27 PMCharred Heart,
This was someone who irritated you triggered you?
Do you feel you got the Lost Will back in you? -
-
Re: What reflections....
Sun, November 1, 2009 - 9:13 PMHi Char, I am just about the opposite with my Children than the Lady You discribe here.
I have a friend who is just like the Lady You discribed....
She is a wonderful Person....but i can not abide with the way She raises Her Children...Her Children are horrable little monsters, dirty, overweight, unhappy, hill billys....so i told her to get lost
It takes me a couple of hours to get my Grand Kids , and, myself ready to go out shopping, baths bows, clean new clothes, even perfume, every hair in place and i also have to look my best.....They are always well behaved they do not dare cross me, i have never hit one of them.....never will ! ...NO tv ! NO video games, NO candy, NO movies...They have lots of art supplys and blocks and dolls and sports equipment and guns and i make them work and do not allow them to eat in resturants. listen to creepy music, or eat fast food, or take ANY white man's medicine.
I was the same way with my own kids....
-
-
