Thank you, both of you for your responses to my expression here. I just get tired of being called a victim in a derogatory way, that the word itself, "Victim", has negative connotations here with this group. In part, I believe it's because maybe some haven't yet given acceptance to this part of themselves.

So yes Luana, I hold her close to me, I protect her well, and when people start going on and on about "victims", I just nod and agree, because I'm not going to put her out there for that kind of scathing criticism. Then, I don't talk to those people anymore. I know they have no acceptance for their inner victims, which puts me in a precarious position.

I get so tired of people here accusing me of using my victim in fucked up ways. I say, if you are acquainted with and in acceptance of your own victims, you would not say these things to others, and maybe not even to yourselves.

It took me many years to SLOWLY find acceptance for myself here. I no longer hate my weaknesses, I revel in them when necessary, and I don't go past them either, when that is called for. What I see here is, people ashamed of their own weakness, and only presenting the together and know it all healed parts, which aren't healed at all. None of us are "healed" yet, so why expect me to be?

"( how many of those men who abused You are dead now? )"

Only one, that I know of, but then, there were many more that I didn't know, than ones that I did. He rolled his truck in a mountain pass and suffered horribly before he died. He molested me and my two sisters. He raped my older sister first, then me, then my younger sister. We were 6, 5, and 4 when this happened. Does someone want to tell me how these tiny little girls are perpetrators? My abuse didn't stop until I was almost 30.

I still have never told all of my experiences to another person, only Mother and Spirit. People get so triggered that they try to shut me down, and beciome incapable of listening without blaming me for what happened somehow, or telling me to stop being such a victim.

Am I a perpetrator? I dunno. I don't remember ever intentionally hurting anyone the way I was hurt, except when I was forced to.

My responsibility lies in not allowing this stuff to express for so long. So I'm not gonna allow someone to tell me that I am some kind of perp when that's not the whole story. I have enough of my own self hatred to listen to ANYONE who hasn't been through what I have, and think they know better than me what I am or am not.

And who did this stuff to me, hmm? I'm just sayin....................

Luana, I've done "healing the invisible you" with my therapist. She LOVES that method, and we do it whenever something is stuck, or when I have difficulty facing the images and feelings. I've printed a copy for the last two people who were charged with helping me with this stuff. One of them fired me as a client because she couldn't handle my emotionality. Needless to say, I took it back from her before I left her office, and told her that she was in the wrong line of work. :)