Hi W.L.

That's not the kind of "help" I mean.... (helping you make choices).

That's good to know you feel more comfortable with my presence here. I can understand the sensitive nature of these trust issues you speak of, and where you might have formed this impression, that I wish to help you make choices I "think" would be better for you... which would be not acceptable to your Will. That interaction was just me expressing my frustrations. I still have some amount of frustration, but I do not mean to control your choices here or manipulate you to any end. i simply wish to offer support. your choices are your own, and i anticipate them to evolve natrually, on their own.... and simply wish to offer whatever assistance i can through empathy I feel here, and drawing on my own experiences. My motives are somewhat selfish too cause i feel this would be inherently supportive for my own evolution as well... Its difficult to explain this without experiencing it, but perhaps this can give you some feeling for my intention.

everyone has a different Orighinal Cause WL

comparing your process with that of other's may be short-changing yourself

one thing that came up for me as i was reading this post was the issue of judgment release

there have been times that i felt nothing when releasing a judgment and then there were times when my body had a full kundalini rise from even just thinking about a judgment release. I do this everywhere and at any time i become aware of these. As far as having to stay in bed and beat the pillows - etc.... I had to remove myself once i became aware of how much denial i harbored in the beginning - became completely estranged and empoverished. i was unemployable, which contributed to the terror i felt. I was so very Will polarized that i couldn't even have a somewhat "normal" conversation. I had to write a book because i wanted to download all i learned from GOING THERE in the forest for year after year - making it impossible to simply relate to any normalcy. I am now just coming out of that stage and it lasted a whole decade....i don't have remorse, but i have gratitude that i still like myself on any level after such an extreme response from my Will! I have such deep levels of self-hatred that I had to remove myself from others cus all i could do was project it like projectile vomitting!

this does not mean you should do as I do WL

i have been living around a man that read the books twice and his method of moving lost Will and doing judgment release is very different than the way i do it. At first I thought he was in rejection of the process and I pushed and pulled upon him mercilessly. Even so, he had enough self-acceptance there to stay focused no matter what i said - focused upon his own truth and process.

As a woman who WAS very Will polarized, I thought that everyone had the same type of backed-up lost Will that needed to process in the same way as mine did! Well, i feel strange today saying that men are different in many ways, and i have developed some love and trust for my dear friend's process, who is not, nor has he ever been a demonstrative personality. For him, it seems to shred his heart to go deeply into hatred of others and self....so, he is cross-circuiting his inner-world in the realm of numbers, and at the other extreme, in the realm of trance drumming. this is a way of moving his Will that keeps him healthy -- albeit for me to second guess his process. His love is real and felt by so many that it would be selfish and egotistical of me to insist he resolve his Lost Will in a different manner than he is moved to do so.

Also, I did ruow work with a group of women for years, sometimes one or more of them would get competitive about bringing in lost Will and the processing would go into the realm of False Will trying to prove a point. this was more harmful than helpful and helped me to understand that Lost Will is keyed to situations and judgments. I can't just howl all day long as a way of proving i am a good ruow'er....it is possible to create even more False Will by pushing the Will to perform. having said that, it is really important for me to remember that I don't know shit about the Lost Will that I need to reconnect with until it comes back and informs me. so, projecting about what my Lost Will is about and then forcing this projection to find movement can be a strange trap. tricky business this right use of Will. can't fit it into all the usual places.

aloha WL