Nathan, I don't want my gaps pointed out. I think I've been very clear on that. Your perception of me is yours, not mine. Your perception of what is going on with me is yours, not mine.

I understand very clearly that there is a lack of connection between all of us here, not just you and I. I don't expect there to be full connection with people I have never met, in the white bright spirit polar pages of this tribe.

I am not here to heal gaps with people. I do that in my private life with people I can feel with all of my senses. I came here for support and to learn. I don't believe that bridging and healing are possible over the internet because so much of what needs to be healed is US inside and has nothing to do with anyone else.

"I feel you mostly don't take me seriously now, but just see me as another man who is the same to you as all other men. though there is more connection than there once was, it still feels that way mostly to me, that I am not being taken seriously here when I talk about my feelings because of the lack of connection..."

Nathan, I am taking you as seriously as I can, given the hostility you display towards me. You make a lot of assumptions about who I am and what I am about, so honestly, it's hard to take you seriously when you keep making accusations towards me about what I am doing and why. It would be so much easier if you just asked me who I am, what I feel and think. To me, that would foster more closeness and connection between us.

Yes, you are a man, with all the male imprints that go along with it. But I also see you, Nathan, and what I feel underneath all that feels fearful and desperate to me. That is what I want to work with, that is the part that feels real to me. If you directly showed me that, I would be more receptive to you than I am.

"if you are already perfectly sensitive in all of you then how is it possible for you to become more sensitive? If you already perfect, then how can you evolve and grow the missing connections if you can't acknowledge that they aren't there?"

Did I say that? Did I really? Go read it again, Nathan.

Here is my perspective:

I understand you are having feelings.....so am I, all the time. I understand you are fearful, so am I. I understand you are angry...so am I. I understand you are sensitive and working on really hard stuff....so am I. So what makes us so different from each other, hmm? And what makes me your enemy? What makes Rob my enemy? What makes any of you my enemy? Is it really me? Did I really do that to you? Do I know you? Have we met? Are your issues really with me?

I am here to help if I can. I am here to receive help when I need it. I am here to give and receive support. All the rest of the emotional work I do is in real time with physical people in my life. It doesn't make sense to me to do it this way. You can't feel me, you can't see me, you can't hear me or touch me, and there hasn't been one offer to speak over the phone to try to get some sense of who I am.

I trust myself to take the reflections I get and interpret them myself. I don't trust the interpretations of others unless I feel loving intent and there is a foundation of love to stand on. I trust myself to heal myself, with the help of the four parts. I don't mind being a projection screen for others sometimes, if I feel they are working with their triggers and moving stuff. But I don't want to be drawn in as if it's my drama or problem when it isn't. I'm not going to receive you just because you tell me to. I'm going to read what you have to say without taking it in first to see if I have responsibility. I won't receive it if there is bad light in it, because I am trying to reduce that light, not take in more.

I am healing lost will right now, and seeing the effects it has on my life and my family. I am making connections where there have never been connections before. I take a lot of blaming rage from my son's in order to help them heal. This is my responsibility, because I helped to make them, or fragment them, or whatever you want to call it. This is my responsibility and no one elses. This is the only responsibility I feel to anyone I know in this life, outside of myself. Everyone else must take responsibility for themselves and their own healing. I will help if I can, but that is all I can do.

Where you are right now has nothing to do with me, except maybe in reaction to me. I am not in the same place. If you want my help, I am glad to give it. Otherwise, let me be.