I realize that in whatever I do I need to continue to find my own path, my own way. My own black sheepness I guess. And yet I find it incredibly difficult to accept this about myself somehow. Even though I feel proud to be a black sheep, whenever I encounter people's inevitable resistance to doing things in a non-traditional way I always feel hurt and immediatly doubt myself. ALWAYS! And I am good and goddess damned sick of it! How the hell can I just accept being an OLPBS (outspoken, loud, etc) and stop wilting every time some realtor doesn't like the houses I want to look at or a dispatcher can't deal with me insisting that I'm going to stay on the road 2 months or some healer type person tries to insist that I can't learn anatomy or chemistry on my own by studying from textbooks in the truck .... Ya know, I honestly think that this is actually the BIGGEST problem in my life. What an incredible waste of energy and time and ... spirit I go through responding to that resistnace. Agonizing, doubting myself, tryign to make myself conform....ARRRGGGGHHH!!!!
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California
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Re: ok, so here's my dilemma
Fri, July 6, 2007 - 10:32 AMSounds like the Goddess is putting these trials in your way on purpose. What is it that you think she is trying to teach you? Patience w/ others? Strength to perserver? Confidence in the face of doubt? whenever someone tells me I can't do something, I am more determined than ever to successfully complete the task I had set for myself.
I have a motto for instances like these... "I can be a bigger asshole than you!" I developed that motto when a supervisor.... OK he was actually a stupidvisor, attempted to punish me. Well, I found many pluses to the "punishment" and got the last laugh when he asked how I liked my new position. "Oh! This is great! I'm really happy! Thank you!" Then he sent spies to check on me and they could only report the same thing! hee hee hee! -
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Re: ok, so here's my dilemma
Sat, July 7, 2007 - 6:01 AMEveryone in the known universe has to deal with everyday obstacles, not just black sheep. Doubt can be a good thing. It makes you reconsider your position. If, after examining the problem, you still feel you are right, mow them down. If, as sometimes happens, you are wrong, change your position. A gracious person will admit their mistake and learn from it. Good luck, we love ya.
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