So there's this guy on tribe with an emotional/psychological/behavioral problem that I can relate to, but he has a different blend of symptoms and a much different personality than I do. I want to help him, but his nature resists this very strongly. There is a thoroughly confused history there - we definitely understand and like one another, but we also fight viciously on occasion. I have what I think are insights into the pain he deals with, but I see no clear way through his defenses to offer it. I don't want to talk on the phone - though meeting up IRL would be probably be fun as hell - and I see that trying to deal with it in any public (or even privately forumesque) venue is wholly inappropriate and needlessly undignified, besides just being doomed to fail. It's a deeply complex topic and pretty awkwardly personal, to boot.
Any thoughts? Yes; that guy. Push past it and help me think, here. I want to do a little of the magic some of you have done for me. The reason I don't want to do the phone right now is twofold - and one of the folds suggests that discussing it here would be a pointless mistake / obstacle to progress. The other fold is simple: I fucking hate the phone these days. Damn thing.
Anyway. I can't live on, seeing something good I could do without at least trying five times to do it.
I think you have given us a hard question there Loki...
FORCE him to let you help him. do it under the guise that you need to do it for you, what a favor he would be doing you. because that's the truth. just let him know that you want to help him, sometimes that's the best thing, to know someone cares.
so, why haven't you called your aunt bea lately? dialing thumb broken? you too bloke.
by the way, i like 'that' guy. if i can help, let me know how.
<so, why haven't you called your aunt bea lately? dialing thumb broken? you too bloke.>
Not had much time for playing on the phone lately.. which reminds me - I gotta ring my mum !
I always worry it's too late; I'm a night owl even when I'm not
Hey Lokifreign -
You don't know me from some slob on the street, but I figure I'd weigh in with a thought.
Firstly, I have to agree with Aunt Bea's tactic in approaching this as him doing you a favor in allowing you to help him. I've found that tactic very helpful in the past with online friends. Truth be told, it's worked on me as well.
The other thought I had, while having no knowledge of your relationship with this person (A.K.A. "That" man) is to make sure that he, his issues, and your relationship isn't hurting you. Be self aware (I hate pop psych terms, but they come in handy) enough to know if this friendship/relationship is stressing you out or if it's making your psychological/emotional/behavioral issues worse.
To use another over used colloquialism, I've "been there, done that."
poorly tailored to this particular bird IMO; wouldn't work on me, very well, I don't think, anyhow. logic or bust. This isn't about fora or the health of discussion; it's not "omg that tribe was ruined by the lol"; it's "this guy is in pain; how to stop it at a distance?" RL friends are needful, I think.
perhaps it may be time to get the hook or boot them?
i have found....a little time out can do wonders for misbehaving child like minds,,
I think I'd need to know a little more before I could offer an opinion, Loki. But maybe you are intending this for contributors who know the old bird. I see those who responded know who you're talking about, so probably they are familiar with the issues.
I think what you say about he needs RL friends for this one is right on. This would be a near-impossible one for a casual internet acquaintance to do anything about. It's difficult enough to help people who are near and dear to us. Forget trying to counsel someone on the internet, especially if he hasn't asked for it. All I can see you doing is letting him know you relate to some of what he's going through and would like to offer your support as a listening ear or morale coach if he feels like e-talking. If he doesn't take you up on it, you've really done all you can. The only other thing I would suggest is avoid the fights. When you see him going off on you, step back and let him burn up his fuel until he cools down. If you continue to offer friendly words despite his "going off on you" times, that will help him a lot, I think. It will build up his trust in you, and maybe start to really appreciate you as a nice, caring and sympathetic person, which I know you are Loki.
My curiosity is piqued. Can you dish up more details?
I do love odd birds, being one of the feather meself.
well, he seems to be going off the deep end even faster. too bad, he is amusing.
It changed for me when my own problems reaches a pitch; I'm concerned but I lack the toolset at this moment
i keep all my tools in the drawer next to the bed. you need to borrow anything?
An ice pick and a small hammer were the original tools of the trade.
I suppose a thin knitting needle and the heel of a shoe would do in a pinch.
my sister has a butter knife and a rock. and a roll of duct tape. that's her toolkit. i should buy her a decent vibe.
She'll be all set. What more does a woman need?