hi all, im new to tribe and i came across this group i couldn't help but be sucked into reading some very interesting ideas. im a self proclaimed blind person. and my introduction into tribe seems to be a very good dose of light that i need. keep in mind some of my thoughts of unorganized and most likely a little on the beginner side.

anyways, i have this very abstract idea of the self that i was hoping to get some feedback on.

i grew up knowing there was always someone else inside of my head besides myself. at one point in time i chalked up the voice to being insane, but soon realized you must know what sane is to become insane. and sanity is what you make of it.

well i've went through a large portion of my youth not knowing how to work with the different personalities i had. untill one faithful day a friend came over and dosed me with some pretty strong LSD. during my mental part or my trip i was confronted with all of my voices that i heard in my head in an almost knights of the round table sort of deal. there, everyone that said "you" or "bobby" in my head, instead of "I" had their say in my life. they got to chip in their 2 cents about why i do the things i do, and how they are the moral judges on my actions. well that got me to thinking how can I not be in control of myself? such a contradiction of the self was mind boggling. it lead to me to pursue such subjects as self-deception. and from there i learned about the way we judge ourselves based on what we believe in. for example, i grew up sheltered from the world by being a momma's boy, and when i finally met a friend who is willing to spend time with me outside of school, i fall into the romanticized american love/society black hole. well being conditioned in such a manner only helped to hinder my development as a person, because when i got into the real world and saw how everything I once thought was right and pure, really wasn't, my idea's of life were shaken to the very core, i naturally started to question free will and how i was trained to think in such an abstract manner from what reality is. that thought snowballed eventually into this thought: how can we truly be individuals if everything we know or believe we know is made up by what someone else says. granted we each percieve and interpret things differently, we all come back to the central theme of learning from others to be conditioned so that we as humans can better ourselves. and once again a paradox is formed. how can we truly from any sense of self, if everyone else is telling you what they think.


i call it the rule of influence, which is alot like darwin i think. being able to adapt to the environment in which we are raised is a crucial part of survival. lets assume: i am thrown into the woods with no idea of how to hunt or gather. i would either perish or learn to survive by the influences around me. i.e, the wild animals trying to kill me, or nature being nature and letting myself die from starvation or any other process like that. if animals would try to kill me they would influence my behavior to the point of extreme change.i would learn to fight for my life literally. on the other hand, if i would let myself wither and die, it would be from the influence of fear or lack of confidence. something (or possibly someone) saying that i am not strong enough to do such tasks.


like i said it is abstract, but it is something i can't help but linger on. also, i probably didn't articulate my words very well, so feel free to ask me to clarify something if it doesn't quite make sense. its is a little hard to write thoughts down after so many hours of sleep depravation.