Roisin, I don't know where you are coming from... and I don't want to hurt your feelings here. But I have to disagree...

If the marriage was a bad idea, then the couple should divorce BEFORE either party engages in other sexual relationships. The marriage being bad doesn't make cheating right.

If you agree to work for company A, and agree not to work for someone else in the same field at the same time, then go ahead and work in your off hours for company B, using knowledge acquired from company A to the detriment of company A... haven't you done something wrong? You're stealing company A's technology/knowledge in order to do well at company B.

If company B is knowingly employing you in order to steal that information from company A, isn't company B wrong, too?

Granted, company A could be a soul-sucking place to work. But if that's the case, the RIGHT thing to do is to quit... not to steal their technology.

My Mom's first husband cheated on her, and was often verbally AND physically abusive with her. And started becoming physically abusive with their daughter, but my Mom would stand in the way to protect their daughter, i.e., my Sister, and so took most of my Sister's beatings for herself. Mom's first husband was wrong to cheat on Mom, and of course wrong for all the other things he did to her and to my half-sister.

Mom at one point did cheat on her first husband. She felt so unloved. The man she cheated with was married. They were both doing the wrong thing. Granted, I don't feel sorry for Mom's first husband being cheated on considering what a creep he was. But Mom and her lover were still doing the wrong thing.

It saved Mom's life, though. Knowing someone could love her, and she him... and especially that the person she fell in love with wasn't incredibly attractive (which Mom's first husband was), let Mom know that she could love a person for that person and not just be deceived by that person's good looks.

Which is good, because then, when she fell in love with my Dad, she knew her love was for real and not just because Dad was also incredibly handsome. I.E., Dad had a brain and a good soul behind those good looks.

But the point I'm trying to make is that, even if a marriage wasn't a good thing, if both parties started the marriage agreeing NOT to cheat, i.e., if they did NOT agree to have an open marriage, then one of them cheating on the other is wrong. Granted, God can still make good things happen from even our mistakes, as in my Mom's case. But we can't use "marrying the wrong person" as a reason for cheating on that person. If you can't maintain the commitment, leave the commitment before fooling around.

But... and here's the BIG but... while you HAVE to be honest to yourself about right and wrong, you also have to FORGIVE yourself when you screw up, and move on. And forgive others when they screw up.

And I know I'm coming off holier than thou, but it's not my intent. I've made SO many mistakes, screwed up SO many times, that I've lost count of my failings. But they are MY failings, and I need to own up to them, and not blame them on circumstances.

Heh. Which is another one of my failings: I am not good at owning up to when some bad habit of mine is my own fault. I often blame circumstances myself. So, yes, I'm a bit of a hypocrite here.

Anyway, I don't mean to sound harsh here. But if you make a commitment/promise, you need to stick to it... or talk to the person you made that commitment/promise to to let them know you can no longer hold to it. Vs. not holding to it and not telling the person. If that made any sense.

Roisin, I'm probably being paranoid, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry if my response offended you. That was not my intent. Please forgive me if I did hurt you.

I think you are a wonderful, sweet, generous person.