Book recommendations/reviews

topic posted Fri, November 18, 2005 - 6:37 AM by  Yasmin
Does anyone have any book recommendations or want to review any of the books out there for either dominants or submissives?

I heard that "The Loving Dominant" is good. Comments?
posted by:
  • Re: Book recommendations/reviews

    Fri, November 18, 2005 - 6:56 AM
    I highly recommend SM101. My dom recommended it to me and it was invaluable in teaching me so many things.

    Slightly off the subject but also awesome if the Ethical Slut that deals with poly relationships.

    I have also read the Lovinf Dominant (this was my first reading on BDSM and found it very helpful and would highly recommend it. Again another tip from my fabulous dom.
  • Re: Book recommendations/reviews

    Fri, November 18, 2005 - 10:25 AM
    "screw the roses" was one of the best intro d/s books for me, though it's pretty firmly hetrosexist.

    I think the best intro SM books I've read so far are "The Topping Book" and "The Bottoming Book".

    I also got a lot out of "The Leatherman's Handbook".
    • Re: Book recommendations/reviews

      Sat, November 19, 2005 - 4:07 AM
      Screw the Roses is the one that I recommend to everyone because even though it is heterocentric, it does the best job of explaining the interactions in the scene in a readable and interesting way.

      SM101 and the Loving Dominant are both great books, as are the Topping Book and the Bottoming Book. For femdoms, the Sexually Dominant Woman and the Mistress Manual are excellent and make Female Domination seem so everyday.

      • Re: Book recommendations/reviews

        Mon, April 9, 2007 - 5:00 AM
        All the books that have been mentioned are great books. There is another one I really liked caller "Extreme Space" by Mistress Steel. I think the only place to get it is on Amazon although Domina may know where to get it locally. It has a completely different feel then the rest of the books.
        Another favorite is The Master's Manual: A Handbook of Erotic Dominance
        By, Jack Rinella and Joseph W. Bean
        • Re: Book recommendations/reviews

          Mon, April 9, 2007 - 10:32 PM
          >> Mistress Steel <<

          AKA F.R.R. Mallory, for purposes of more easily identifying the actual book.

          >> Jack Rinella and Joseph W. Bean <<

          Pretty much anything by either of those two, or Guy Baldwin, is a winner, IMO.

    • Re: Book recommendations/reviews

      Sat, November 19, 2005 - 7:22 PM
      >> I think the best intro SM books I've read so far are "The Topping Book" and "The Bottoming Book". <<

      I highly recommend that everyone read *both* of these, too, regardless of how you identify.

      One of the things they go into is what makes a good top or a good bottom, respectively, and what the person on the other side of the slash will be looking for. Certainly, you want to learn how to be the best of whichever you identify as, but getting a more in-depth perspective on the concerns and needs of the other side of the slash is also invaluable.

  • Unsu...

    Re: Book recommendations/reviews

    Sat, November 19, 2005 - 2:12 PM
    I think that one of the best choices to read yourself rather than giving it away is:

    When Someone You Love is Kinky - by Dossie Easton and Catherine Lizst.

    I think that when people are new to exploring their kink or even exploring new kink - this book can be a tremendous check in with one's self.
    • Re: Book recommendations/reviews

      Sat, November 19, 2005 - 7:16 PM
      I agree with you about "When Someone You Love is Kinky", Blake.

      It also gives a little too much detailed information about various kinds of play than I'd personally feel comfortable handing to most vanilla friends or family members I was just trying to explain my orientation to, and who I was just trying to reassure that I am safe.

      It does do a very good job of explaining just why we *are* so relatively safe in all of this, though, and does an excellent job of demystifying it as something evil or damaging, and showing it as the loving, caring, fully negotiated pursuit it really usually is, and that is one of this book's definite strengths. I just wish it didn't go into as much detail about specifics as it does.

      Many, many people swear by it for exactly the purpose of handing over to friends and family, though, so I think you just have to read it for yourself and make up your own mind whether it's appropriate for the specific people you want to give it to or not. Some people will be fine with the amount of information given, but it will definitely be too much for others.

      And that said, all that information is part of exactly what gives it its strength as an introduction for those who *are* kinky.

      Overall, I think it deserves a place in everyone's library.

  • Re: Book recommendations/reviews

    Sat, November 19, 2005 - 7:00 PM
    Another excellent intro is _Consensual Sadomasochism_ by William Henkin and Sybil Holliday.

    _Leatherfolk_, edited by Mark Thompson, is a wonderful non-fiction anthology that is described on the cover as "...probably the finest book ever published on leathersex history and philosophy". The essays included are by many of leather's greatest luminaries and "founding fathers", including such people as Gayle Rubin, Guy Baldwin, Thom Magister, Pat Califia, Joseph Bean, and Fakir Musafar, among many others.

    One book I've always particularly liked that few people seem to know about is _Bound to be Free_, by JJ Madsen, with a foreward by Charles Moser, MD, who is also listed as one of the authors. It's a wonderful exploration of what submissives get out of all of this emotionally and psychologically.

    There are also some very good specifically technique-oriented books out there. These include:

    _Flogging_ by Joseph Bean
    _The Compleat Spanker_ by Lady Green (AKA our own Janet Hardy)
    _The Bullwhip Book_ by Andrew Conway
    _The Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play and Torment_, by Hardy Haberman

    Hands-on techniques are probably mostly best learned in classes or one-on-one from experienced people, IMO, and certainly any mastery of them has to be hands-on, but these books do a good job of explaining the basics and background information about the tools, among other things, and most importantly, critical safety information.


  • Re: Book recommendations/reviews

    Fri, December 2, 2005 - 11:34 AM
    I could echo others for quite a few of the books suggested, but that's not too helpful ;)

    Here's others I haven't seen mentioned.

    Trust - about anal fisting/handballing Written for men, but has relevant info for everyone.
    Anal Pleasure & Health - good overall view of health issues.
    A Hand in the Bush - about vaginal fisting.
    KinkyCrafts - great resource for inspiring creativity or following detailed directions. I can't recommend it highly enough. Also, Sartan's site ( is quite useful.
    Juice - electrical play. Good intro, "apprentice" to an experienced player before trying this on your own unless you are a licensed electrician or electrical engineer. Of course, if you are, you're probably not going to need this book.
    Klutz Book of Knots - fun and goofy. Also useful to spank someone if they got a knot wrong ;)

    I didn't find the Sexually Dominant Woman or Family Jewels to be as useful as the Mistress Manual or Training with Miss Abernathy. Out of the general BDSM books, I've gotten the most out of SM 101, the Bottoming Book, the Topping Book, and Flogging. YMMV.
  • Re: Book recommendations/reviews

    Fri, April 6, 2007 - 8:15 PM
    Reviving a dormant thread ...

    One I found helpful, supportive and informative when I first started processing the implications of being a weirdo deviant pervert was Gloria Brame's book Different Loving. They even had it at my local public library, bless 'em.
  • Finally getting around to reading...

    Mon, April 9, 2007 - 11:47 AM
    Radical Ecstasy by Janet and Dossie.

    It's kind of funny, Janet has told me that the book hasn't sold well but as I am going through it I am continually astounded at how wonderfully they are describing what I really *want* from play. I'm kind of irritated at myself that it has sat on my book shelf as long as it has--I blame grad school. :) I very strongly recommend this book for anyone who is interested in more than just the physical sensations that go with play. It isn't too woo woo, but it addresses all those yummy emotional and psychological connections you get in play. Yay!

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