I am looking to be a sub female in my relationship. I've expressed my feelings to my partner and we've started doing a few lighter bdsm stuff. I don't have any experience in bdsm other than I know I want it. Does anyone have tips to have him become more dominant? I know he likes it a bit but he's holding back. He says he doesn't want to hurt me, I just dont know if it's possible to change the way I think he's seeing it.
Thu, May 19, 2011 - 9:53 PMSeveral ideas....
Suggest getting some "reading material" like SM-101 or some other informative book (I could suggest several).... you should read it, and also leave it out for discussion. Then let your partner read it.
Then maybe try some things and talk-talk-talk.
Find out if this interests them at all. You might find out that it a) turns them 'off' or freaks them out, makes them angry, or judgmental, b) hits the 'right buttons' and they pull out their favorite flogger and a St. Andrews cross they had stored in the garage, or c) sparks some degree of interest. (Good luck here, this can put strain on a relationship if interests do not align)
Start simple, suggest some things that would 'turn you on..." simple things like that you be blindfolded and somewhat restrained (scarves, or eveny your wrists held above your head by their hands... then dress alluringly sexy and let desire take it's course... if your partner 'gets it'... they will feel a a rush (and perhaps a heck of a lot more (wink-wink) and they can begin building their interests, confidence, and desires to explore further.
Afterward discuss with them how it felt to have them 'take-you' that way... what got them going, what got you going etc. etc.
If there is mutual satisfaction then together you can discuss, read about, look at pictures of, and otherwise explore other intriguing scenarios, like spanking or nipple clamps or the like that move in the direction of your desires.
Hope things work out well. Would love to hear your progress.
Wed, June 15, 2011 - 9:39 AMAnna, you say "he likes it a bit". Think what does he like more precisely. Find a good time to talk about it. For instance you may use one of evenings or afternoons when you have more time and enjoy each other. Ask him to teach you how to get better in what "he likes a bit" to make him "like it a lot". Explain how pleasurable it is for you and what enjoyable is your power-play. If he's afraid to hurt you there are several things you can do to minimize such risk. First of them is "safe word". Other you can easily find on forums discussing all possible BDSM techniques.
The key thing for him to understand is how much bliss he my give to you this way and at the same time how much bliss and power he may get if he will become your Master.