The answer is "it varies" - but that said, someone who's giving you orders and already wants you to address him as "Master" before you've even met? Well, all I can say is that would raise some serious red flags for me.

You are absolutely right to go slow, and to insist on it, especially if you're not comfortable with what is happening. Some dive in faster than others, often to their detriment. Most honorable, serious, and responsible dominants know that you cannot rush these things, and will not try to push you too fast into anything you're not ready for. Consensuality is a very big thing - and that includes agreement on how fast things should go.

Greetings Sprout
Just my two cents - I always address the situation as this- My submission is a gift, a gift I just dont give freely to anyone that I do not trust with my life.

I am not say I never played with someone that I didnt trust however I tried to keep some safe guards in place.

Is training a sub just an excuse to make a Woman/Man into your ideal Girl/Boy friend? Yes and No. Yes you learn what makes Master, Sir, Mistress, Ma'am happy. Making them happy is why I chose to be a sub, I get great pleasure knowing I make someone else happy. No in the aspect of just because they train you in an areas of BDSM doesn't mean they get great pleasure in that area. I was trained in CBT by my first Mistress and it wasnt something she really enjoyed but it was something I was interested in. She added that to my training I received by her.

As for how early training starts? I usually started some tasks prior to meeting if I met online or usually after first meeting for coffee. The first tasks are normally a writing assignment such as Like dislikes, hard limits, toys owned, I also had to write out past history and put down references. In the past I have taken photos of task's completed for Milady to show I was serious about what we talked about.


If you are not comfortable with the word Master there is other words Sir, My Lord, one of my lady friends address's her Dom as Mr Frank. The Mr for respect but uses his first name. Something she is comfortable and that is the difference from play time to normal lifestyle. She adds the Mr to the first name.

If you still have questions please feel free to contact me. I answer all emails to the best of my ability and always more than a one sentence reply.

Very Respectfully
dj

I agree with all that has been said and would like to add the task assigned in the very beginning are very basic to lay the ground work for further work. Yes he was a flake, but the theory is not that far off. Do for yourself the task that he asked just so you know how it feels to do such a thing and you will have something to look at/reflect on which will of course led to more grown for the little sprout. Think of it as taking inventory of your own closest so it easy to plan outfits in the future.

PArt of being a sub is submitting to the Sir/Mistress, to please them. Letting go of yourself is intwinded with that. The Si/Mistress should express respect and love in their commands so that you feel honored in your service. It is a give and take, power exchange.

My Dear Sprout (what a charming choice of a name)

I have been doing this for years and I am uncomfortable with the word Master. Subs who insist on using it, have to jump through some proverbial hoops, before they can.

I find men who need to hear it or insist it be used especially early on are (if someone could please email me with a diplomatic word for "asshole", I would appreciate it) likely not.

>Is "training a sub" just an excuse to make a woman into your ideal girlfriend?

Of course it is. We try to couch it in very PC, who me? terms but absolutely it is about creating an ideal. It is also about creating a trust to be allowed to own a person so deeply.

The yin to this yang is that ideal sub is over there topping from the bottom 8-P as she ever so gently and subtly manipulates us to be her ideal man/husband/life partner. Who me she says? her eyes glittering as she stares demurely at the floor. bet that cute red ass she is.

This is for me a lot like jumping off a cliff. As an empath I fear the total nakedness of my soul in front of you, but I crave, ache in my deepest bones to trust you with these secret inner workings of my mind, heart and spirit.

Dating in general is finding a person and adjusting the fit. Some is give on their part some is give on your part.

You never redecorated an apartment? We like to say for public consumption, "Oh she is perfect just the way she is. I wouldn't change a thing about her." But it is BS.

I never "start training". I just have a relationship. Some unfold slowly, some I feel like I have known this person forever, they are naked and whipped before either of us understand what happened.

But I have never used a safe word. Never needed one. I do not play casually. In fact I do not "Play" at all.

My last long-term relationship was 12 years and ended when my wife died of cancer. She had never been tied up before she met me, much less, spanked, whipped, shaved, displayed nor worshipped by a group of men. Over our relationship, she learned she was bisexual, she liked having slave girls and slave boys, she liked being a Goddess, she loved pleasing me, she loved being whipped, she loved to have men stare at her, admire her and most of all loved to see if she could stop intense business conversations (expert).

I imagined I was training her and I did, but as I look at the man I was when I met her and the man I am today, I know she so very effortlessly guided and transformed me. As a balance, She learned to love her sexual passion and desire, which was frowned on in her level of her society.

In the end we intertwined.

It has been 10 years since her death, I am ready for a new wife, but I shall always honor her memory.

Besides, don't you want to be better than you are?
You have this ideal image in your mind. That graceful elegant woman serving.

This is about finding your goad, the one who supports you in attaining that ideal even when you let yourself down.

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dragonmaster
Heavenz on Earth
Service Healing Empathy

He who rules truly serves
She who serves truly rules