Weekly Review
harpers.org/archive/2009...iew2009-09-22
After months of negotiation by the bipartisan "gang of
six" in the Senate, Senator Max Baucus unveiled his
$776-billion health-care reform bill, which is supported
by none of the gang's three Republican members and
received a lukewarm response from Democrats. Baucus's
plan, which includes member-run insurance co-operatives
but no public option, would mandate that all Americans buy
insurance and would provide subsidies for those who can't
afford it. The subsidies would be paid for in part by an
excise tax on so-called "Cadillac" insurance plans,
including those provided to firefighters, coal miners, and
many other union workers. "That's not really a smart
idea," said Democratic Senator Jay Rockefeller. The bill
will now be taken up by the Senate Finance Committee,
whose members have already drafted at least 564
amendments. One year after the collapse of Lehman
Brothers, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said that
the recession is "very likely over." He added that many
people will continue to "find that their job security and
their employment status is not what they wish it was." A
North Carolina man had surgery to remove a plastic spoon
that had been in his lung for two years. "There was an
object down there, and it had writing on it," the man
said. "It spelled out 'Wendy's' on one side and
'hamburgers' on the other."

A quarter of the votes in Afghanistan's presidential
elections were under review for fraud, including hundreds
of thousands from polling stations where every vote went
to incumbent Hamid Karzai; General Stanley McChrystal,
America's top commander there, said that without
additional troops the war "will likely result in failure,"
adding that Afghans have "little reason to support their
government." President Barack Obama said that sending more
troops would put the cart before the horse. An Australian
quadriplegic who had won a landmark "right to die" court
decision exercised that right, and France announced plans
to factor happiness into calculations of its gross
national product. Sultan Kosen of Turkey was named the
world's tallest man. "The first thing I want to do is have
a car that I can fit in," said Kosen, who is 8'1". "But
more than that I want to get married." One-time child
music prodigy Helen Goddard, now a music teacher in London
and known as "jazz lady," was sent to jail for having sex
with a 15-year-old female student who she claimed had
pressured her into the relationship. Actor and dirty
dancer Patrick Swayze, folk singer Mary Travers, shopping
mall pioneer Melvin Simon, and Irving Kristol, the
"godfather of neo-conservatism," died, and South Africa's
sports minister threatened to start "a third world war" if
hermaphrodite runner Caster Semenya was barred from
competition. Later, the president of Athletics South
Africa admitted that the organization had administered
earlier gender tests on Semenya and that the team's doctor
had recommended that she withdraw from races.

FBI raids in Denver and New York led to the arrest of
three men alleged to have links to Al Qaeda and to have
been planning terrorist attacks on targets in New York
City. A college student in Baltimore killed a burglar in
his off-campus home with a samurai sword, a Wichita couple
were robbed at knifepoint while attempting to have sex in
a dumpster, and a man in Wisconsin was arrested after
planning to slash the face of the woman he loved and torch
her Toyota in order to "be there for her." It was revealed
via Twitter that President Obama called Kanye West a
"jackass" and that a coyote ran off with Jessica Simpson's
maltipoo. Based on a single fossil smuggled out of China,
paleontologists announced the discovery of the Raptorex, a
roughly human-sized version of the Tyrannosaurus
rex. Researchers determined that watermelon may help men
get erections, and John Edwards was said to be
contemplating a public admission that he did in fact
father a child with his mistress, whom he allegedly
promised a rooftop wedding in New York City, with a
performance by the Dave Matthews Band.

-- Christopher R. Beha