So much wasted talent.

It's been a while since I even thouht o introduce anyone I've been seeing to my family since they're so far away. But I have a tight group of friends whose opinions I value highly so I tend to bring a guy around for them tomeet if it looks like it's moving beyond 'just dating.' I'm a very casual person about that. I'll usually just invite him to come along to an event with my friends, or out to dinner or something like that; to a party.... Keep it very casual. That's my thing.

My parents are deceased but they NEVER liked anyone I dated. It was sheer torture to introduce them to anyone..

I met my current boyfriend's parents when he was performing at a concert and they really liked me! Then he spent NYE with my sisters and that went well.

This was the smoothest any meeting of family - thing went!

it's funny that you should put this topic up as it's been a recent topic for me...

I've been seeing this very amazing and WONDERFUL man for 4 months (almost) now... he has met my family in broken sections (a few at a time is better than all at once!) a number of times... I have a large fam... 6 siblings that are all younger than me... many brothers and not enough sisters... I take that back! 2 sisters is more than enough! :D hahahaha...

My parents happened to be going through a bit (ended up splitting after 26 years) when we started seeing one another as well, so it's been interesting needless to say!

What I have realized through all of this, is that I can look forward to my family spending time together and this includes my SO. BUT I do not have to please them, I do not have to live up to "expectations" and I do NOT have to put up with their criticisms... I have some endearing and yet obnoxious and rude brothers that can really make asses outta themselves, (they're still young) but I don't have to put up with it... If I am happy, then that's all there is to it!!!

What do you do if you have one of those families where the "no one is good enough for you" mentality abounds and end up putting down the other person for really no sensible reason? Where do you draw the line? I never really brought anyone to meet my family for this very reason... but it's getting old and I would like my SO and I to be respected as I do my best to respect the SO of my other siblings...

For me, it's my life! If I know that in my heart of hearts that this man loves me for who I am and takes care of me, then there is nothing else I could ask for! And there is nothing else that can change that, nor should it... I have learned it's ok to let go of the whole crazy family acceptance thing... U don't have to bring flowers, just be yourself and let your happiness shine through...!

Sorry Draven, I've been REALLY laid out with flu. Still a little icky, lol, even after two weeks!

So, has your man met your family yet, or vice versa?

My situation is odd because my parents are dead, have been for some time now, and family dynamics are really foreign to me. I get really nervous meeting someone’s family, even though I meet new people all the time in my job. The only family member whom I want or care to meet my significant other is my brother. Problem is he is 7 hours away so any sort of “meet” would have to be in a holiday setting, which are inherently stressful. Basically I visit my brother once a year and if I am lucky he visits me twice a year.

Before Denver and I broke up I stressed about bringing him to my brother’s for the holidays, mainly because I had no idea how to handle sleeping arrangements (my niece is only 12 and appearances needed to be kept.) Denver is even less comfortable in family situations than I am, and I knew he’d be miserable to be trapped somewhere for three days. My sister in law is pretty conservative, and both are protective of me, so I worried about their impressions. My brother is much more like Denver, so not so much worry about personality clashes, but I knew he’d be very vigilant for any sign that Denver would hurt me in some way.

Denver did meet several of my friends and co-workers, and that went okay. No great moments of bonding, but it was fine.

In retrospect I wish I’d waited a little longer to introduce him around. Especially now since we are back in contact and contemplating dating again. Friends and family don’t tend to forgive as quickly as lovers do, lol. So this time around I’m gonna keep my relationship with Denver very isolated. This is a new development, just this past week, but we’ve had three dates, very PEACEFUL ones. I have no idea really. At least I have months before he might have to pass the “brother test,” lol.

Mel

How much change in his life would he have to make to move in? Would he have to change jobs, for instance? That would be my only concern in moving in together so soon. If I lived with anyone I’d much prefer they live with me, because I love my home so much and would not want to risk losing it on an unknown. It’s a huge gamble but I don’t think anyone can really know for sure until they live together.

Denver and I had a six month plan, but I obsessed so much about it that it became a chore not something to anticipate. I’m much more relaxed this time around, in fact I don’t want him here until he takes care of those same issues that linger. We want casual, the way we should have the first time around. I miss him when he’s gone, but we lost a lot in the constant push for how to be together.

I lived with a guy all through grad school, and my ex hub and I lived together a few months before the wedding. There are many pros to living together. The companionship is amazing and very giddy at first. You sacrifice some romance once the anticipation factor is nil, but ultimately I think it is worth it. Knowing what I know now I’d like to have a live-in lover one day and test myself that I can keep the romance going.

Short answer: four months isn’t too soon if the change can be made fairly seamlessly. The less stress the better, and the less upheaval to your individual routines will make you less dependent on the other to stay just to prop the other up. Does that make sense? I’m saying living together shouldn’t become a cage or trap. I think, the way Denver and I were last year, it would have been. Mainly cause he would have had to make sooooo many changes he was not capable of. Probably never will be. Sigh.