This week I ended up going through the final throes of death for a reasonably long but also long-since troubled relationship. (I guess I am not standing proof that an objectivist can date a non-objectivist successfully) I've always considered myself to have an objectivist perspective even long before I ever knew there was an Ayn Rand or a whole philosophy around it - reading Rand only put words to the way I had begun to think on my own.

I also suffer from seasonal effective disorder (low saratonin production in the brain during seasons with less sun exposer) - lately it mostly saps my motivation to do things or makes it hard to concentrate after stressful or somewhat emotional periods. I don't take anything for it - I've pretty much learned to deal with it, not always successfully, but probably far more reliably than by playing 'anti-depressant-roullette'. Historically however, I used to have a really hard time when younger doing the same until I learned some of these things.

Suffice it to say, one of my control mechanisms is the reasoning portion of objectivism. I've always loved solving puzzles - brain puzzles. Computer games I enjoy inevitably involve more strategy than agility. Similarly I love to somewhat 'psychoanalyze' my own behaviors. One of the results is that I've actually managed to manipulate many emotions that other people might have irrationally based on various stimuli. (I'm still working on that traffic jam impromptu anger response though *giggles*)

One accusation I got was that - even though she understood how I like to approach things rationally, she still would like to see more emotion from me. Now, I know some of that was just different perspectives - I know that I did show emotions to her, but I think she also has a point that perhaps it might not have been as much as I could have. The 'best-case' scenario was probably somewhere in the middle between what she expected and what I was actually showing. That is until this week...

I know break-ups can be hard on anyone but since the accusation was made, I was trying to tear down some of the walls that went up which were preventing me from being more spontaneously compassionate, etc. I think I was making progress, but apparently the damage had already been done and it was too little-too late. The result was it backfired on me and I was overwhelmed with emotions - unlike has happened since way back when I was a wee lad.

Rationality is actually pulling me out, but I've noticed something that I'd forgotten since the last time I was overwhelmed like this. Something I've dubbed "hyperventalating emotions". Basically a snowballing level of anxiety that is made worse as a result of thinking about the cause/problem itself. (e.g. thinking about it makes you more anxious, getting more anxious makes you tend to think more about it - not much unlike breathing too fast) In such a case 'trying' to be rational to fight such an emotion can be self defeating, especially if the high emotions are overwhelming you ability to see things clearly.

Such is the nature of break-up right? I suppose. I don't generally get too fuzzy wuzzy with friends when they break up - I just offer to take them somewhere to get their mind off of it rather than trying to get into their head to try to help them figure it out (as I have seen some people try to do - i.e. empathizing). Thus I have no frame of comparison between my reaction(s) and those of others.

We've bounced back and forth many times - one saying it's over, then the other - as this wound down. But there is little doubt this time that it's a finality on both sides and likely will be indefinately. It's only been a few days and I'm doing considerably better than I was 2-3 days ago. But as my rational side re-asserts myself and I look back at that mid-emotional-mayhem state I thought it was worthy of comment.

So what's the crisis of faith? I agree with her that showing emotions, especially to a (potential) life-partner is important. I know that in a healthier relationship it might not have been as much of an issue in the first place. And I know that if left to their own devices, my emotions can overwhelm me sometimes. (not to the point of being dangerous mind you, but I can get quite annoying *giggles*)
I don't think 2-3 days of difficult-to-control anxiety was too bad for what amounted to a 2 year relationship - but it was about 1-2 days more than I might prefer. And it has been reminded me all too well of those times when I was younger and it was not as easy to keep coming back down.
At risk of sounding emotionally handicapped, I'm just wondering how to keep check on these types of things better? Basically, I am not aware of a 'paper-bag' method to stop emotional hyperventalating. So I was curious as to other people's perspectives on dealing with such emotional extremes and what kind of things they use to 'come back down'? Or at least come back down quicker to a rational thought process?

Tre`