You wouldn't believe the number of times when ordering in a restaurant or takeaway I have stressed absolutely no onion and got the following replies:

"Yes you would like extra onion, ok?" - No, not ok!!

"It's ok madam, it is cooked" or "It's ok it is raw onion" - WTF?!

"Don't worry it is mixed in very well - you won't see it" - Oh great, so you're going to poison me subtly...

"Everything is pre-made, the chef only defrosts them and heats them up in the microwave" - actually I think I've changed my mind

"Oh I didn't realise you meant *spring* onions too" - well duh

"Oh are chives, onions? I will get the chef to pick them off for you" - Yes, yes they are, and no don't bother I can manage.

And on several occasions after resorting to the "IF YOU GIVE ME ONIONS I WILL DIE" line, and getting my Indian takeaway order across, it arrives with a compliamentary bag of onion bhajis!

What a joke...