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My husband and I have done this only a few times before, but it has been a while. In the past when he has asked me to do it, I was a little bit apprehensive, but knowing how much he wanted it, I did it. Although there have been a few times when I have not done something right and it was painful for him, we eventually figured it out and he really enjoyed it!! That made me VERY HAPPY!!! While I do enjoy knowing that he is satisfied, the experience was stressful for me. At that time I had very little stress in my life and that little bit of stress every once in a while was no big deal. Now I have a great deal more stress in my life and it seems like it is just one more thing! I think the stress comes from being scared I will do something wrong or hurting him. I work in surgery and I often see terrible injuries that, were most likely caused by something WAY more wild than this, but I still have the fear of causing him one of those injuries. I am so focused on making sure that I am careful not to hurt him, and that he is very satisfied, that I dont reach orgasm. Then he gets upset because he thinks I didnt enjoy it! I also feel Iike I look VERY silly wearing the strap on, I am already insecure about the way I look ( after 2 kids ) it just seems to make it worse. We have very few chances to have sex ( the 2 kids cause a distraction ) I dont want it to end badly each time. Yea, I could "Fake It" but then I am very ill and frustrated until the next time we actually get some time alone and can have sex.
I know how much he enjoys it, and I want to do it for him. Can someone please help me become more comfortable with this so that I can please him and maybey even enjoy it to?
I know how much he enjoys it, and I want to do it for him. Can someone please help me become more comfortable with this so that I can please him and maybey even enjoy it to?
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Re: I need advice, PLEASE HELP!!!!
Mon, October 5, 2009 - 5:45 AMIf you are not comfortable with this then don't do it. Rather than explaining yourself to us I think that you should be having this conversation with your husband.
The fact that you say it causes you stress is reason enough for you not to do it. Have you communicated this stress to your husband? -
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Re: I need advice, PLEASE HELP!!!!
Mon, October 5, 2009 - 5:36 PMWELL THANKS ANYWAY, but i was hoping 4 some encouraging words from women who have maybey felt some of these same feelings, but eventually got over them. And yes, i have taled 2 him, and xplained 2 him how i really wanted to do this 4 him, because he has always ful filled any sexual fantasy that i have ever had. He did not know what 2 tell me and actually found this site for me, and because it was not like any other site, i thought maybey someone could relate to me. And I was uncomfortable with sex in general when we first started doing it, but hey now it is GREAT!!!!!!!!! so I am glad that we worked through my feelings!!!! We have learned everything about sex 2gether ( we were in highschool when we got together ) So I was hoping this was one more thing we could work through together and only wanted some advice.
AND BY THE WAY, we actually did it the next night!!!!!! I was the one who initiated it, we took it slow, and he let me know what felt good and how he wanted it. He BEGGED me to do things to him, and showed me just how sexy he thought i was when i finally got up the courage to put on the strap on. You know what, I really enjoyed it!!!!! I did not reach orgasm, but that has always been something I have had to work at, I never even had one til I was 20 yrs old and he finally convinced me to go into a sex toy shop and to buy a bullet. I think after some practice, i may be able to one day!!! -
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Re: I need advice, PLEASE HELP!!!!
Tue, October 6, 2009 - 6:58 AMMy wife was hesitant about this at first as well. She got over that when she saw how much I enjoyed it. Something that helped her was setting a date for the activity, giving her time to mentally prepare. That helped her really get into it when the time came. She doesn't necessarily orgasm from doing this--but then, that isn't really the goal is it? Afterwards he can do something for you and your orgasm--maybe the same night, but maybe another date at a different time. Sex can be fun even without expectation of orgasm---sometimes the ride is the point rather than the destination. -
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Re: I need advice, PLEASE HELP!!!!
Tue, October 6, 2009 - 4:50 PMyea, but it bothers him when i dont get one -
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Re: I need advice, PLEASE HELP!!!!
Wed, October 7, 2009 - 2:56 AMtry using a different type of dildo, there is a few out there designed to help you reach orgasm also. there is the Feeldoe (this one vibrates also) or Share to name a couple or try using a bullet vibe on your clit with your current harness and dildo set up. I feel the same way i believe the same thing as your husband does, and that is she cums before me and if she doesn't then I take care of that after but she cums either way.... -
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Re: I need advice, PLEASE HELP!!!!
Wed, October 7, 2009 - 7:31 PMThanks, i will try that, there are some nice guys left! I was begining to wonder.
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Re: I need advice, PLEASE HELP!!!!
Thu, October 22, 2009 - 5:37 AMDear Amber: Does you husband expect you to have an orgasm while pegging him? That is not easy, not every woman can achieved that goal. If he is interested in your orgasm, I suggest the following: make love the regular way first, so that you con have an orgasm (or happily more than one!), after that you can peg him as long as he wants. That easy!
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Re: I need advice, PLEASE HELP!!!!
Wed, October 7, 2009 - 12:34 PMSure you could fake it, but when he finds out it's not gonna be good. You have to trust that, if at any point in time he feels pain, he will say something. Try a smaller dildo, go to a hotel, get out of your normal frame of mind and focus on what enjoyment you both are recieving and let it flow from there. -
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Re: I need advice, PLEASE HELP!!!!
Wed, October 7, 2009 - 7:34 PMYou are right about the faking, he knows me too well, he can almost always tell when it its not real!! I have gotten more trust and we r gonna try to go away for the weekend sometime soon, I think that will be good for us! Thank you for the help!!
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Re: I need advice, PLEASE HELP!!!!
Wed, October 7, 2009 - 7:46 PMYes I agree that she should cum frist and that I want her to enjoy this as much as I do. That is why I have tried to let her take things at her on pace. This tribe and everyones advice has helped both of us better communcate what feels good and what doesn't. Instead of me just expecting her to Know how to do it the right way. Instead of what I have seen in porn such as the women forcing the guy to do it instead of both of them enjoying it.
Thanks
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Re: I need advice, PLEASE HELP!!!!
Thu, October 8, 2009 - 2:58 AMthere is a video series out there call bend over boyfriend that shows the more gentle loving side of the act rather then it being about S&M or pain it is kind of a training video. I fuck my husband in the ass is another that I thought was pretty good... your a lucky guy James just let her take it at her own pace and she'll become more and more comfortable with it...
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Re: I need advice, PLEASE HELP!!!!
Wed, October 7, 2009 - 7:48 PMJust take it slow , and things will fall into place. m
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Re: I need advice, PLEASE HELP!!!!
Wed, October 21, 2009 - 5:00 PMAre you using something double-ended? The logistical issue of using something double-ended is that what feels best for him may not feel good to you, and vice-versa. The problem with this is that there's a risk of it hurting him, not just 'not feeling as good as it could'. Also, I have found that the more direct prostate contact the better, and double-ended gear curves in the wrong direction unless you have one that curves down for his end, or use a face-to-face position.
Orgasming from vaginal intercourse is difficult enough for women already without having to struggle with being distracted by his needs. Don't burden yourself with that expectation.
If you're not using something double-ended, what is going on that is providing you with the stimulation needed to orgasm? The physical sensation of pegging someone else does not involve much sensation for a woman unless there's a clit vibrator in there, and that can get uncomfortably mashed against your tender parts when you thrust forward.
I found pegging requires such concentration that it pretty much robbed all fun out of it for me. We've switched to using an Aneros, which stimulates his prostate much more directly and leaves me free to touch/kiss him, him stimulating me by mouth or hand (or me him), right up to actual sex with the added zing of prostate stimulation.
He needs to let go of the idea that your orgasm is an outcome of pegging. If he wants you to orgasm, you could try a reverse cowgirl position with him straddling you and facing away, so he can control the speed, force, and angle of penetration and also manually stimulate you at the same time.
Hope that helps!
