This is something that really bugs me a lot.
When I talk about my Tribe friends to my real life friends and family, they sort of roll their eyes and make sarcastic comments like, "HEY! Let's hang our online with our friends!" << eyeballs roll >>
They think that virtual friendships are not based in reality in the sense that they become sort of an escape from making new friends in meat space. They assume that it is anti-social behavior and psychologically unhealthy.
I find myself defending my tribe friendships all the time. I explain that Tribe is a very cool place and that I have met so many fascinating people, have serious conversations, get silly and flirty and that I wouldn't have met or interacted with such a diverse group from all over the world without Tribe. Tribe is not just a place for finding sex partners like Adult FriendFinder. That has it's own purpose. But Tribe is different! You'll find that, but there is so much more. Like the artistic and creative people are inspiring to each other. And people who suffer from various ailments find support. etc etc etc
Everything in moderation, I explain as well. Too much tribing can make you sick. Like eating a whole thing of Double Stuff Oreos. Blehhh. And we all tend to take 'tribe vacations' or pull back when it starts to feel addictive.
Do you have to do this too? Do you find yourself defending Tribe to others?
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Unsu...
Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 12:42 PMKat,
Internet is modern day communication.
I remember as a young child using a CB radio to reach out to unknown people and have conversations with people in homes or in trucks (Breaker 1 9)
I think this could be unhealthy if a person stops socializing in real life, but friendship is all about building trust and respect with those you are with regardless of where the friendship is from. -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 12:51 PMI have to defend my online life to my friends and sisters all the time, but I don't see why. If I were to become a recluse and the only people I spoke to were online then yes I'd say that is a problem but, as Bruce says, the Internet is just another conduit for communicating with people.
My brother used CB radio, as did I when he would let me in his room, and it's exactly the same thing. It's reaching out to people and making new connections. I think it's just as valid as going to the local pub and meeting someone there, in fact, I think it's better because you let down the barriers that stop you from walking over to someone and saying, "hi!"
I hope in time people will come to respect the internet as a communication tool and hopefully it will be used even more. As there are more and more people in the world it becomes more and more difficult to connect to the right people, we need computers and technology to make the right connections. The internet is still quite new so hopefully it will eventually be more accepted.
Wow, should I put my soapboax away or leave it here for later? -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 2:19 PMBRAVO! BRAVO!
oh, by all means, keep the soapbox here, or maybe it folds up for moving from tribe to tribe.
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 2:28 PM< sliding Sarah's soapbox out and sliding in the First Place Winners Box>
I agree completely, Sarah.
It's a chance to learn communication skills and open communication across and throughout the world. It's a chance to live, learn and love differently than before and in ever changing ways.
It'll never replace holding hands though.
:) -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 2:31 PMMaybe he's not interested, because he'd rather be with you (in person) , Kat.
:)
(maybe you have been on tribe too long) -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 2:49 PMYou're talking about "my skeptic?" — oh, we work together so we see each other all the time. He gives me this bullshit all the time and I just throw it back at him. But all he has to do is look away.... fukkerpants
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 1:09 PMYou talk to your real life friends? Why? -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 1:15 PM...umm, what's a 'real-life' friend?
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 1:42 PMI'm in a typically in a rush to finish hanging out with my live friends to come on tribe. I have low confidence but tribe enables me to edit and think through what I have to say. I also find less serious tribes such as Aunt Bea a great outlet to be offbeat and creative in a concentrated way. My depression and bipolar tribe have been invaluable in their support and empathy.
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 2:15 PMYou all are great witnesses to all the great things about tribe! You're preaching to the choir with me, and this is great material for James' book. <winky winky> But what I'm interested in is How to Deal with the Skeptics. (that'll be a chapter)
It's ironic because one of my friends is the biggest skeptic and at the same time, he's all about interactive media and wants to start a "NING" * site for artists, musicians, writers and other creatives! I just smile and shake my head.... silly man. And he's deaf, too! Online communities are fantastic especially for people who are deaf — He did say once, after much prodding from me to use iChat, that chatting online was "a deaf guy's wet dream." Well, okay... however you want to phrase it ...
Man, we better get credit and royalites from his Bestselling Book is all I gotta say. -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 2:52 PMPersonally I don't think people will "get" the internet unless they use it. For the longest time now I have used the internet for everything, chatting, meeting people, research, work, shopping, gaming basically anything. My sister uses the internet solely to hook up to the office from home. The sheer idea of having a conversation with someone in another country on a computer baffles her and I think it even scares her in some ways too.
How to deal with skeptics? I've no idea, not the answer you were looking for I know. Personally I tell them that millions of people use the internet every single day and it's a far bigger concept than they think. I had a real arguement with an elderly friend of my mothers when I said I'd "met" someone online and she wouldn't let go that I hadn't "met" them at all. It can be really frustrating but I firmly believe that in time people will be more understanding of the whole concept.
Well, I was right to leave the soapbox there ..
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 3:12 PMYes, I'm totally with you all.
to make it worse, I met the love of my life here on Tribe, and he is moving in with me next month! yay!
But when people ask how we met, they immediatley think we're weird for meeting eachother here.
And I totally wasn't looking, we just both happen to be single and like eachother a lot, and it developed into something beautiful and life changing.
But I get really tired of having to defend our meeting online. -
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Unsu...
Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 3:43 PMMandy said it all.
I have met a great friend on Tribe as well as many great people I correspond with every day -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 3:51 PMI agree. There are many people that I wouldn't have met if it weren't or an online connection. Some of us live far away from each other, making regular in-person meetings rather difficult. For others of us, it's a great way to stay in touch and plan our next meeting.
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 4:38 PMMandy ~ that is a great story! Congratulations to you... It's always best meeting someone when you're not even looking for it. HAha — to put a twist on the meaning, you're even more 'real' when you're not searching for a love connection.
I use the penpal analogy all the time, too. And as we've all mentioned in one way or another, I'd much rather meet and chat with interesting and fun people here, rather than to sit down with strangers at a bar. I'm just a lil too shy for that. Now going out to a bar with friends is another story.
But, yeah, I have friends here that range in personality and interests from one end to the other and back again. And I LOVE it.
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sun, April 22, 2007 - 7:28 AMthats not hard to imagine. you are a great person mandy, i wish i wrote that song hehehehe
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sun, April 20, 2008 - 2:59 PMMandy, that's beautiful! Congratulations.
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 4:23 PMI adore my Tribe friends! I have one eye roller in my house who shall remain nameless (he has an account but hardly ever uses it or maybe he'd see the wonderful amazing intelligent people in here). I don't feel the need to defend myself simply because, in my opinion, it doesn't matter that we're only interacting in here. What is the difference between this and pen pals (something that was all the rage when I was little)? What's the difference between this and sending one of your IRL friends an email because you couldn't get together at that instant that you needed to spill your guts? To me there is no difference. I have made some great friendships on here that I truly treasure. They actually seem to know a little better than my IRL friends when I am just taking some quiet time and don't take it personally (heck we all feel like not talkin' sometimes!). LOL! You know, sometimes I gotta wonder if my tribe friends are a little healthier in that respect than my IRL ones but that would probably be material for another topic! ;o) -
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Unsu...
Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 4:25 PMYou also have a new language we taught you, Maiya? -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 5:07 PMMystubenmyabsolutely!!!!! :D -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 5:46 PMCluesless here! — Do I get to learn the secret language? -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 8:03 PMShe needs an invite to mystubenmyspec. I can't send it because I have more than one Kat on my list and I might send it to the wrong one! -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 8:04 PMBruce! Mystubenmyinvite her already!
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Unsu...
Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 8:05 PMI did the invite for you. We might need her one day to mystubenmyus? -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 8:17 PMOooh!!! Me likin' that one!! I'm kinda layin' the smackdown tonight huh? Too much caffeine? Wheeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 8:29 PMI have yet to mystubenanything either -
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Unsu...
Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 8:32 PMInvite sent cos you never know when you will have to stubyourspec -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 9:23 PMI get the eye roll all the time from my son and my husband.
They really don't get it.
I have other RL friends who don't really have that strong a reaction to it......and I think the uniqueness of tribe and it's environment are very difficult to explain. This is a very different place from other internet sites.
And Bruce is right - this is just the modern way of "networking". I think explaining it that way seems to work a little better. -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 21, 2007 - 10:05 PMI have a friend from the old forum that I have been communicating with for over three years. I've yet to meet her in real life, but sometimes I swear we are twins separated at birth. I don't really care what people think of my online friendships.
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sun, April 22, 2007 - 2:28 AMI'm feeling lazy right now, so I'm just going to link to a reply I wrote in another thread...
tribes.tribe.net/onlineeff...ba25e71e72
happy to elaborate later after my laziness lifts :) -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sun, April 22, 2007 - 6:00 AMApparently, this phenomenon is more common than not. None of my real life friends understand my addiction to Tribe and the fun I have with my online friends. I have been accused of hiding from the world and "pretending" to have friends. As far as they're concerned, these are only make believe relationships I have. I countered with the notion of "pen pals"...growing up, most of us had them...in other countries, etc. They were usually set up as writing assignments for English class, but we all enjoyed it immensely. So really, what's the difference? We just get more immediate responses than having to wait a week between letters... -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sun, April 22, 2007 - 7:12 AMAnd we get to chat with our pen pals' friends and make friends with them, too! -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sun, April 22, 2007 - 7:27 AMtriple the pleasure -- triple the fun !!!
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sun, April 22, 2007 - 7:26 AMmaybe someday people will call in psychiatrists to evaluate people like us. hehehe they'd think our addiction to the tribe may be because they think we are imagining things like friendship and relationships. what will they call it? maybe OTD? (online tribing disorder)
in the philippines having online friends does not count as weird, after all many women got rich from it (marrying old Caucasians and rich foreigners). its a horrible business (as reflected in my blog - ethernet-y) but it proved to most skeptics here that online relationships can come true.
i also had had a girlfriend that i met online. it was a short-lived affair but it was fun. i'm with you guys on this. you all are great people, the internet cannot hide that fact. ;o) -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sun, April 22, 2007 - 7:32 AMa friend's mother is a psychiatrist who specializes in treating people who are online addicts. ALL of her patients are addicted to living within cyberspace. Hrrmm, except when they visit her. I imagine having sessions online would be a no-go. -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Tue, April 24, 2007 - 8:08 PMKiddhartha: "It'll never replace holding hands though."
" :) "
Yuppers...
And Kat: "...a psychiatrist who specializes in treating people who are online addicts. ALL of her patients are addicted to living within cyberspace. Hrrmm, except when they visit her. I imagine having sessions online would be a no-go."
All sort of defines this psychic phenomenon @ skeptic terms, but can't shake that it also feels like finding real family and sword in the stone sometimes... -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Fri, April 27, 2007 - 9:10 AMI still remember when I first found out that one can do a random friend search on ICQ for only foreign people. That was in 93 or so. I made a friend that I still chat with (Who was in the UK, now in Israel)
As important as the friends I found online are (and many of them have helped shape major changes in my marriage and child wrangling) I have found the next logical step to online friends is meeting them in the meat world. The good ones are the ones who you see now and again and have a good time, then give each other crap when you get back online.
And then there are the people who you meet offline and "find" again online. It gets very strange. Most of my friends are fellow freaks and understand. If they didn't, they I probably would not have them as friends -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Fri, April 27, 2007 - 9:28 AMI'm not a skeptic.
I had a tribe moment just last weekend. I'm trying to get together the Missouri Burners Without Borders....a group to be there in the event of disaster and to do charitable functions. I had people sign up on the Yahoo! group I set up whose names I recognized on tribe. I met one of them this last weekend, recognizing her from her pic, and introduced myself as Rhino. She said, "You're Rhino!" and reached out and grabbed me and hugged me tight, right in front of my lady.
My lady still doesn't believe in the utility of the tribe experience, but I'm tryin' REAL hard to 'ed-u-kate' her.....lol
^Rhino! -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Fri, April 27, 2007 - 3:28 PM"I have yet to mystubenanything either"
I've been myschtupping since I was @ 11... um, er... Oh! mystubenanything... me neither. -
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Unsu...
Re: Skeptics of online friends
Fri, April 27, 2007 - 3:59 PMyou should mystubenmytryit
It;s fine -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sat, April 28, 2007 - 11:21 AMThanks Bruce, just joined up... expect I'll join Kat's Planet too, but was, well, you know, trying not looking like I was so crushed on her... I know, join the long line at the back going around the corner... ;~> Hehe..
I liked the premise of your tribe. not saying I totally understand it, but you are midwifing a sweet thing there... -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sun, April 20, 2008 - 8:21 AMBlowing the dust off of this excellent topic I thought we'd see if the newer crowd has anything to add to this old thread, I'm going through the archives a bit to see what needs to be brought back to life!! -
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Re: Skeptics of online friends
Sun, April 20, 2008 - 8:47 AMMost of my meat friends are on one social networking or blogging site, or another, so pretty much everyone that I know gets it. But even *I* am a tiny bit skeptical of strictly online friendships. I've seen many people that I like raked over the coals by well-crafted false personae...even my sister, who dated a guy that she fell for online, only to find that he was VERY different in real life. For me, there's always a powerful urge to *meet* my online friends, and "solidify" their reality, so to speak. Fortunately, I have been able to meet lots and lots of my wonderful Tribe people : ). I guess it's just that if I like someone a lot, I want to be able to share a cuppa and some facial expressions (plus, I really hate to type <lol>)! That said, I have had strictly online friendships that have lasted for over 10 years, so I think it's possible...just not as easy, or as intimate, for me.
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