This is kind of a follow up to a previous post about how to let gay guys know you're interested. I go and hang out in the Castro (with my wife). We usually go dancing. To date I've managed to get the "look" down pat. I've had interest and even made it to first base with some guys. With these something wasn't quite right or something got in the way so first base was as far as it went.
Maybe I wasn't quite ready for second base. Not quite sure. But the last few times I've been trying to get past first base and I'm running into some problems. The last time, I actually got up the courage to approach a guy on the dance floor (usually I let them approach me). We had exchanged some looks and so I thought what the hell go for it. I told him he was hot and he never said a word back. I was getting so many conflicting signals. It was like I took step A and he was now expecting me to go through steps B through Z and I had no idea what the hell they were. In the end I gave up without him saying one word back to me. What was the deal here. Do some (most?) guys like an aggressive approach?
I sucked at chatting up women and it now appears I suck at chatting up guys too. I thought it was meant to be easier :-)
Maybe I wasn't quite ready for second base. Not quite sure. But the last few times I've been trying to get past first base and I'm running into some problems. The last time, I actually got up the courage to approach a guy on the dance floor (usually I let them approach me). We had exchanged some looks and so I thought what the hell go for it. I told him he was hot and he never said a word back. I was getting so many conflicting signals. It was like I took step A and he was now expecting me to go through steps B through Z and I had no idea what the hell they were. In the end I gave up without him saying one word back to me. What was the deal here. Do some (most?) guys like an aggressive approach?
I sucked at chatting up women and it now appears I suck at chatting up guys too. I thought it was meant to be easier :-)
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SF Bay Area
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Re: figuring out how to get past first base
Tue, May 22, 2007 - 4:07 AMSounds like you met a poser or flirt.
Honestly I have found bars to be the worst places to find partners. I'm at heart a no pretence kind of guy. (I'm also a Bear so the whole "dating" issue is silly. Bears are almost geneticly set to fuck anyone.)
I just have to point out that if I saw you dancing with a woman at a bar It wouldn't matter how many signals you gave me I would still assume you were straight and just here to cock tease. -
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Re: figuring out how to get past first base
Tue, May 22, 2007 - 5:25 PMI never even considered the fact that I might be regarded as a tease, it's just not my intention at all. Also, a lot of the time I'm not dancing with my wife, I'm dancing by myself. She's bi as well and is usually off dancing and flirting with women. But even the times we were dancing together some guys assumed she was simply my friend. It hasn't stopped me getting to first base. It helps that we've been to the same place every week for the last 3 months so we might get recognized and accepted.
The time I mentioned initially was in a different place and that was the first time we've been there. And we were dancing together. So yes, maybe he thought I was a tease. Wouldn't you possibly assume I was bi or just dancing with a female friend?. Is it more common to have straight guys teasing than a bi guy looking to hook up?
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Re: figuring out how to get past first base
Wed, May 23, 2007 - 12:02 AMThe advantage to men is that you can usually just progress directly to unzipping their pants and they usually get the hint pretty well... you said you were "sucking" - that could be a really good strategy lol...
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Re: figuring out how to get past first base
Wed, June 20, 2007 - 2:26 AMi have never managed to get "the look" down pat with either men or women. the single hottest manly manly man in the silverlake (downtown l.a.) area cruised me the other night at Ralph's. when i figured out it was me that he was cruising, i just blushed! it's amazing that i'm not a virgin. -
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Re: figuring out how to get past first base
Wed, June 20, 2007 - 3:12 AMYou better, er... hop on that then! ;)
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Re: figuring out how to get past first base
Wed, June 20, 2007 - 6:50 PMDamn, you sound just like me. I have always totally sucked at just simply meeting new people whether I'm interested in them or not. For me its a self confidence thing which I'm working on. Maybe one day I'll get over it. Just hope I'm not 80 when it happens.
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Re: figuring out how to get past first base
Wed, December 12, 2007 - 1:27 PMI am 51 and I started with men just 6 years ago. I don't even know what bases 1 thru 3 are with men I just put their dick in my mouth and we figure the rest out from there. Tht is how you let a guy know what you want. Get ony our knees and stop talking so much and take your shirt off too that helps.
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Re: figuring out how to get past first base
Wed, December 12, 2007 - 1:34 PMroofie! (kidding!)
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Re: figuring out how to get past first base
Fri, April 25, 2008 - 2:22 AMTry going to the Castro alone and just hanging out. Skip the bars. Otherwise, you and your wife should find some sex clubs (yes, sex clubs, and sex parties) where you are welcome and nobody has to second guess anything. Then either way, enjoy the sex. One thing that could be happening, is that you are holding the energy of unwillingness, or not quite right, whether it's yours or your partners. So, be clear in your mind that you are out to get laid, come hell or high water, and stop worrying about what it might look like. Be safe, above all and enjoy. As far as I know there are plenty of sexual opportunities in SF for couples, but put that energy out there clearly. You said you were with your wife. Perhaps even this identification (wife) is slowing things down. Just be you and she be she, and then let the pleasure flow where it will. Is she open to you running off alone with a guy and are you free to bring the guy home to your apartment. (In which case, it might be wise to let him know, at the right time, that , by the way, my partner could show up, and shes a she. As a gay person, I want you, but when the wife becomes part of the puzzle, other things come into play. . What's her story in all this? Doe's she want a gay guy for you, or a bi guy for the both of you? What's up with this picture? Maybe you should try Noe Valley more often, and let the other guys know that you and your wife are really into playing with others. Last, but not least, try late night shopping, and don't forget the condoms and lube. -
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Re: figuring out how to get past first base
Wed, May 21, 2008 - 1:26 PMJeffrey, Thanks for the advice. A lot of what you say is true, particularly about the perhaps negative energy. That stems from my confusion about myself but a lot has happened over the last year, and I just noticed that my original post was exactly one year ago, and I'm a lot more relaxed and happy with myself now.
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