"Frankly, I think there tends to be a lot more complexity and rules among the people I know that describe their lifestyle as polyfuckery (they tend to be swinger types of couples with all kinds of rules about who they can fuck and when, or if they can fuck other people at all, or specific genders, etc.)"

The encyclopedia states: "Polyamory is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Polyamorous perspectives differ from monogamous perspectives, in that they respect a partner's wish to have second or further meaningful relationships and to accommodate these alongside their existing relationships.

The term polyamory is sometimes abbreviated to poly, especially as a form of self-description, and is sometimes described as consensual and/or responsible non-monogamy. Polyamory is usually taken as a description of a lifestyle or relational choice and philosophy, rather than of individuals' actual relationship status at a given moment."

For "swinging" the encyclopedia says: "Swinging, sometimes referred to as the swinging lifestyle, is "non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple." The phenomenon (or at least its wider discussion and practice) may be seen as part of the sexual revolution of recent decades, which occurred after the upsurge in sexual activity made possible by the prevalence of safer sex practices during the same period. Swinging has been called wife swapping in the past, but this term is archaic, as it is androcentric and does not accurately describe the full range of sexual activities in which swingers may take part."

Personal preferences aside, which one seems simpler? Having a half-dozen girl/boyfriends to maintain everyday on top of everything else life demands or hooking up with the occasional individual every now and then for a bit of fun.

And all that aside, not everyone can practice polyamory. There are many couples who are happy as could be devoting themselves to none other then their significant other. Polyamory may be defined as a "life-style choice" but it is my belief that there is some internal wiring involved as is the case in most sexual preference cases.

Is there at least a shred of truth in there or am I (and the encyclopedia ) just completely misguided?

-Gabriel

I have to say, this statement bothered me as well

"<< Either you are a jealous, possessive, insecure, scarcity-mentality type or you are a sharing, open, plenty of loving to go around type. >>

I absolutely agree with Buster on this... it's very closed minded to assume that because someone is asking "where to start" it makes them, or would even suggest that they are any of those things you list....

of course.. I am hoping you were simply trying to make a point.. but it was lost in your choice if words that made it appear as if you have it all figured out.. and if this other person doesnt yet know he's somehow less for the not knowing...

it took us YEARS to hone and fine tune our relationship, and we have been living in a completely Open Poly Relationship now for 35+ years...

I STILL go to trusted friends to ask their advise on "where to start" sometimes.. and I KNOW what I am, who I am and what I want....

and YES, Books do help, as does conversations with people that have been doing this for a long time.... as well as those that have just begun to find their place in an alternative lifestyle...

even your reference to being Gay and parenting misses its mark.... MANY people ASK "where do I start" and GOOD FOR THEM too... because without the support from our network how are we ever to learn how to improve our interpersonal relationships... not just on an intimate personal level but in the real world too as we interact with others daily...

Joseph, personally i think your post was harsh and a bit disrespectful of someone risking and reaching out for answers..... I would hope you didnt mean it to be that way.... hopefully you can find it in yourself to allow for others to find their way in whatever way feels most right for them..... and do so without casting your own judgements as it appears in your statement of what you may perceive them to be..... "jealous, possessive, etc....

Bare