where would i be?

That is the Question i posed last night at 11pm on my blog, a friend mentioned that i should join her here in the PPM tribe, and this was a typical post. So here i am being lazy, copying and pasting my whining.

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i just got a 4 month refill on Friday, did not need them until last night, could not find them then, and can not find them now.

My partner got cut, so that is not what i am worrying about. i have auto-immune issues that flare everytime i have a cycle, which equates to significant joint pain and weakness. This also makes my work day, picking up the baby, trying to exercise; all unpleasant.

i never know how long it will last. if i can just find the stupid bcp's, i can put it off for a few more months. now is a bad time.
My joints already hurt, i have been taking a super low dose of plaquinil, so it is not really working. It is not a good thing to take if you are nursing. We have tapered way down on nursing though, so thats why i gave myself permission to take the low dose. Like i said though, it does not seem to be making a difference.

i know that this is not helping me find them. i just feel like i have looked everywhere 5 times already, to include the kitchen floor, cabinets, baby toy box, spare bedroom, dining room chairs.

Everyone else is in bed and i am feeling pretty defeated. i don't want to go to bed and fixate about how i can't find them, and wonder how bad i am going to hurt tomorrow, and next week.....

i should try and get some sleep, didn't get but a few hours mon and tues, secondary to teething, stuffed up nose, unable to breath baby... only able to sleep when being held upright.. we have given in to medicate her, so i have a few hours window i could sleep.

ack.

i even went out to my car in my bathrobe and bare feet and cleaned out it looking for the stupid baggie that holds my Rx. no luck, but cleaner car.

Put away some dishes, in case they were hidden underneath a pot or pan.

Wonder if they ended up in the recycling.

Will have to check that tomorrow. it will be too late to stop the inevitable then.

just feelin pouty now, vs the crazy anxiety when i started.

feelin the need to cry, pms is already setting in.

pathetically annoying

.. i went on another round of searching after i logged off.

bookshelves, entryway shoe rack, upsstairs bathroom medicine cabinet, drawers, and cupboards. Then downstairs bathroom medicine cabinet, drawers, and cupboards. All for the 3rd or 4th time. They were in the downstairs bathroom under "my" sink, in the cupboard. With the TP and cleaning supplies.

My search patern was all wrong. If you have ever been to costco for an Rx, don't they always give you a white bag? It has always been a white bag that they staple closed with the receipt. Well this was a little brown bag...

it was good to find. A combination of relief and feeling like an idiot.