I lay asleep two nights ago.
As has happened many times through out my life, mostly when I was younger, my eyes were opened slowly and I was in a sort of half-sleep trance where my entire body was paralyzed save for a subtle weight of conscioussness and awareness through the eyes. When this happened at earlier stages of my life I was always quite terrified, thinking I was slipping into a coma or leaving the body, after much self exploration I have come to a place where I just sit with it rather than panicking.

And so I sat with it, the constriction of the body around myself beyond myself, I laid there for hours it felt on the verge of what always feels like an abyss and the weight of all physical nature, like a painful and fimiliar bouyee.

Then I felt time collapse, and all at once the hours of wait formed themselves into small nagging thrust at first and then violent tears from my feet up to my hands by my sides; as if a thousand slightly shadowed versions of myself inside my body were waging war to unleash themselves, or, something upon the physical world. I felt then, at once, that I must suppress back this demonic-reflex.

Time unfolded again into a choice, a single thrust of my energy, an intentional movement to pull myself from that state, back to this world. I saw the futility of this conflict inside me, I saw the suppression as a choosing the war rather than embracing and disarming the shadows. So, I relaxed into observation, I just breathed and let all of my nerves go limp and impartial to the pulls and tears of the shadow, and I all I could think of was..
the Bene-Gesserit Littainy against Fear.

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain. "

I must have repeated this 20 times as this all fell through me, past me, like I was a vessel being fulled and emptied of something I have yet to fully understand. Then the next thing I thought of was Jacobs Ladder and the quote from Louis about Meister Eckhart:

"Meister Eckart saw Hell, you know what he said? The only thing that burns in Hell is the part of you that won't let go of your life; your memories, your attachments. They burn 'em all away. But they're not punishing you, he said. They're freeing your soul, if you're frightened of dying and holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace then the devils are really angels freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it. As long as you are afraid of death, the evil demons will torment you, but when you let go and aren't afraid anymore, you'll find those demons to be angels."
-Louis, 'Jacobs Ladder'

Anyone have any wisdom for me?