Hi. I'm pretty new to the 'scene' or 'lifestyle' or whatever you want to call it. Though I identify as a submissive, I've never been involved in an actual BDSM scene with anyone. I've never been involved in sex or erotic play with more than one person at a time. Gender-wise, I consider myself a non-op M2F t-girl, but my sexual preference is for women primarily, with a secondary interest in exploring sexual relations with other M2F t-girls, though I have yet to actually do so (does this mean I should call myself a lesbian, or bi, or what, I'm confused about some of the labeling?)

I actually had an opportunity to take part in a group scene about a month ago, but I shied away from it because I didn't know what to expect. Nevertheless, I am considering coming to the Queer Playground Beltane party this Friday. I'm curious and I would like to actually have some kind of B/D experience to get my feet wet (and maybe get my pussy wet too!). But I am very hesitant. Ideally, I guess I'd like to start exploring some of my desires in private one-on-one. But so far I haven't been able to find a partner to begin doing that (meaning someone I am attracted to, who is also attracted to me, and who is serious about meeting up and doing something instead of just flirting like most of the people I've met up with online). Meaning, I'm not really so keen or comfortable with a group play scene but I'm open to trying it out. A Citadel party where safe and consensual play is the enforced rule seems like a safe place to begin.

I'm not sure what to expect if I get up the nerve to go this Friday. I'll probably get hit up by a lot of male tranny-chasers and I guess I'll have to learn to be comfortable with saying "No". But I am afraid I might just end up sitting on the sidelines waiting for Ms. Right to come up and invite me all evening. I'm so shy, dammit...

And is it okay for me to come to a play party alone, as a single? I guess it would be better if I had a companion (hint hint, any pretty goth GG or t-girl out there want to be my date?)

If anyone wants to offer me any helpful advice or encouragement, please speak up. I'm not sure if I'm just too much of a shrinking violet for this sort of scene and maybe I should just stay home.