Healthy behavior in a society as complex as ours requires constant learning, practice and error correction.

Many of our hard won instincts are wrong for where we find ourselves.

You can't just depend on one source of guidance, even love. It is necessary to throw your whole being into the matter and cross correlate between reason, heart and body.

Difficult at times but rewarding in the long run. I recently had my coworkers surprised when they found out I'm 10 years older than they thought I was.

I understand what you are saying here. Loving can be done from afar without direct energies mingling. It is about boundaries and loving oneself first. I have made many mistakes regarding the power of sheer love despite the circumstances of the other person and their place in their journey...self-sacrifice is both noble and foolish. Balance is the key. You can love with all your heart if you have no attachment to an outcome.Generally this will not drain you. It becomes self-destructive and self-sabotaging when we have expectations. I find if my needs are not being met in a love relationship, then it becomes self-destructive and time for boundaries. Love without boundaries is not love. Any sense of drain or pain is an indication that thee is an imbalance happening. For you are right, a healthy love enriches, energizes, is life-affirming. The moment love does not provide us with this is not the moment to bail though (no wonder the divorce rate!!!)...it is a circle of energy over time and the sustainability of mutual growth I suppose which is the determining factor here. Some thoughts....

Unfortunately, in todays world, there are so many distractting ideas, and thoughts about what a relationship ought to be.
I myself am currently enjoying an honest relationship, with someone who is my FRIEND first.
If the current state of our relatioship continues great! If it doesn't then we have agreed, after the "grieveing" as it were to continue our friendship... no expectations, no demands, no plans. Just ideas, and sharing the moment until it is over.

This is for me the first time I have been involved with someone who doesn't instinctively "OWN" me. I very much enjoy the uniqueness of this new relationship.