Making holes...

topic posted Thu, October 22, 2009 - 11:19 PM by  bodhi
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NAILS IN THE FENCE
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all.
He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, ‘You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. But It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound will still be there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.

Remember that friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us.’
posted by:
bodhi
Denver
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  • Re: Making holes...

    Fri, October 23, 2009 - 2:29 AM
    Nice story. Thanks for sharing.
    • Re: Making holes...

      Fri, October 23, 2009 - 3:01 AM
      its my meditation for the day--:)
      • Re: Making holes...

        Fri, October 23, 2009 - 8:49 AM
        The buddhist story about the study of matreiya is quite the same. Every negative thought that the adherent has, he/she? is asked to draw a black mark upon the ceiling of the cave. After 10 yrs the ceiling was all black, but the monk decides to continue ad nauseum, and 10 yrs later, it is all white, because of the white marks assigned for the positive thoughts. Then, having learned, he decides to go back to society and seek his teacher--On the way a dog fairly mangled is lying beside the road, with an maggot filled open wound. He kneals over and with the flick of his tongue draws the maggots out of the wound. As his tongue first commits to the task Nirvana (nibbana) is found & he sees immense light from what otherwise was what he would haveNEVER done.
        • Re: Making holes...

          Fri, October 23, 2009 - 12:37 PM
          What fantastic stories that can be shared & learnt from..thank you!
          • Re: Making holes...

            Sat, October 24, 2009 - 8:32 AM
            except for the maggot licking part....that was kind of gross.
            • Re: Making holes...

              Sat, October 24, 2009 - 7:48 PM
              Mmmmm Protein ;-)
              • Re: Making holes...

                Sun, October 25, 2009 - 7:34 AM
                The Matreiya story comes directly from the teaching of the Dalai Lama, per Richard Gere's book with His Holiness's writings. Very special book, and makes me feel Gere is less of a dork than his media driven appearance portends.
                • Re: Making holes...

                  Sun, October 25, 2009 - 10:19 AM
                  This is why I hate how some families talk to their kids, and how some couples talk to each other. Like saying "I'm sorry, didn't mean it" actually erases the injury. It doesn't!!
                  • This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.

                    Re: Making holes...

                    Sun, October 25, 2009 - 12:45 PM
                    A TRUE apology may not erase the injury, but it can sometimes erase the emotions tied to the memory of the injury. In the grand scheme, this can be almost as good as erasing the injury itself, at least in terms of our ability to relate to one another.

                    Apologizing when one is not truly sorry, when one does not accept that what one did was wrong, tends to just deepen the wound for the one apologizing, and put greater wounding into the relationship.
                    • Re: Making holes...

                      Sun, October 25, 2009 - 2:20 PM
                      My dirt gravel road has a very sharp corner right behind me, and a 20 year old woman who lives up the road hit the corner a little too fast last week and rolled her car right at my neighbor's gate. Not the first by any means, even a sheriff ran right off into a tree a couple years ago. Her car ended up on it's side but her and the guy inside didn't get hurt. The car was wiped. So they called her father who showed up and started screaming at the girl that she was a worthless piece of shit for wrecking the car, and maybe he should just shoot her dead and get it over with.

                      NO, I'm not kidding. My 67 year old retired teacher neighbor went ballistic on the guy, and he immediately became all contrite. But obviously this has been happening throughout this woman's life. Somehow I don't think this guy's apology is worth crap... I'm betting the injury this woman carries inside is pretty deep...
                      • Re: Making holes...

                        Sun, October 25, 2009 - 2:32 PM
                        im betting your right--1 his apology is worthless
                        2 the girls wound is deep indeed-.,sad story--offering to shoot her-
                        may the karma dogs bite that guy where it hurts.,.,
                        • Re: Making holes...

                          Mon, October 26, 2009 - 7:11 AM
                          Unkind words are the reason my father and I are so estranged.

                          It's not that he yells at me, it's that he doesn't have a single kind word to say about any thing I do or say. He thinks my spirituality is "bullshit", he used to ask me when I was going to "make something of myself", and when I was a little kid I was convinced he would really "give me something to cry about" whenever I was upset. After my parents divorced he rarely, if ever, called yet wanted big points for sending me a check on my birthday and Christmas. When I got married a couple of years ago he asked me if this was a real marriage "or one of those Pagan things". After years of these jabs and slights I just stopped talking to him.

                          I know that my father really doesn't care for me as a person and while this is a little sad it's also not as crushing as I thought it would be. Now we are both free to get on with our lives as we see fit and I wish him well.
                          • Re: Making holes...

                            Mon, October 26, 2009 - 8:10 AM
                            i feel a resonance here with your father-my father was highly critacal too.,and it was a releif to get out of the house when i was 18--

                            he was milatary to the bone--no spirit--great warrior--cold blood.,

                            but my path has been more spiritual and im putting down roots--my faith in humanity-learning to open my love awareness
                            and being true to myself

                            not crushing people with superior strength but by looking for the best in any situation.,

                            which can be hard i know--sometimes your so busy surviving that pos-neg is on the backburner
                      • Re: Making holes...

                        Mon, October 26, 2009 - 1:50 PM
                        "Somehow I don't think this guy's apology is worth crap... I'm betting the injury this woman carries inside is pretty deep... "

                        I'll bet you're right, but then his apology was not a TRUE apology, was it? He did not offer it out of feelings of sorrow for having caused pain to another, but instead out of feelings of SHAME that were put on him by being called on his crap. That's not a true apology at all. That's a fake apology put on as a show for others.
                        • Re: Making holes...

                          Mon, October 26, 2009 - 11:44 PM
                          Do you know how to apologize to someone? I was taught the most important thing to make clear is that it will never happen again. That assures the person the behavior will stop for good. We can't change the past, only our future behavior. I also know from experience carrying this pain from a bad experience is a heavy burden. How do we let go of the past/?or do we carry anger and grief ur whole lives? What does it say about a person who refuses to forgive? What do people think is the best way to repair and process negativity?
                          • Re: Making holes...

                            Tue, October 27, 2009 - 4:47 PM
                            Right, Kenny. People say "I didn't mean to hurt you" (though they certainly did mean to). Not meaning to hurt, even at best, isn't good enough when you claim to love someone. You have to actively intend *not to* hurt, and that involves self-examination and changing one's ways when necessary and thinking deeply before you take an action that could hurt your loved one.
                            • Re: Making holes...

                              Wed, October 28, 2009 - 12:36 AM
                              My least favorite apology is the angry, 'Sorry IF I offended you', followed with intense comments about how he was justified for being abusive...

                              I tend to stop that sort of thing immediately and let him know it's only worsening matters. I won't sit and listen anymore, but I'll be around later should he want to actually give some respect and thought to the matter. I used to let them drivel on and argue. Not anymore.

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