writing someone in jail, what to say ?

topic posted Tue, December 15, 2009 - 5:55 PM by  ~*nicole*~
i have a close relative who is now in jail. this time spent locked up will be the longest they have been sober in nearly thirty years. they have only been for a few days now but will be there for several months. im not going to visit just yet but want to write often.

what the hell do i say ? what dont i say ? what have you done ?

they will undoubtably be dealing with many undealt with things so i dontwant to make it any worse....
  • Unsu...
    sounds like a great chance for a little thinking--on the drinking--i drank for 20 years--theres allways hope people will see the light--
    and if hes in there for alcohol related violation.,then its time to take inventory--
    • it is alcohol and meth. he will be taking stock for quite a while i think.
      • Well I don`t know where to start apart from you don`t say how well or how close you are to this relative!
        If you don`t know them much, then ask from `him` about who is his, what his dreams were etc. is he getting support, counselling inside, or is this just cold turkey?
        Theres soj much to consider first..& if you do want a friendship with this relative..are you prepared for possibly supporting him on his release?...& what if he starts using/drinking again when out. As its easy to make promises inside, you`ve nothing to lose, but back out, faced with the real world, real temptations, old stomping grounds etc..???!!!
        You yourself always need to protect yourself & others close to you firstly before you take on the pain & desperation of others even if they are relatives! can you, do you, really want to do that?
        • this person is my father and we are pretty close. im just at a losss of words for him. he is not religous. hes angry right now, i was sdvised from my aunt not to visit just yet. her visit did not go well...
          hes not going to want evry letter filed with a bunch of mushy supportive crap.
          this is just cold turkey. he refused and/or didnt follow through with other supportive/legal options and his actions fuled by his addiction landed him in jail.

          i just dont know what to say to him, and havent for qiute a while now. his life has spiraled out of control.
          maybe im just better off sending fucking postcard at this point. that way it would be kept short and he would still know i care enough.
  • so i have writtten twice now. just casual stuff , us getting our tree, the solstice celebration i went to the past weekend etc. still gonna be a little wierd but i figure hearing something is way better than nothing. i am hoping to write a letter every week, even if he doent write back. hes not much of a writer, but hey that could change. i should be able to isitfort he first time this weekend. dont know how often ill be able to do that since i have a 2 yr old and need to plan it out.
    • Unsu...
      a letter--about everyday--homey stuff--is the best medicine anyone could hope for--dont be afraid of making him feel bad--thats part of the healing--hopefully he will want a real life--because of some of the kindness youve shown.,
      and speaking from one whos been there--jail 15 times--done time three times--im all done with that--
      and its basically because someone stayed connected with me--
      dont lose hope--be kind to yourself--its contagious--

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