I work in a cubicle. My next door cube mate is a black man from Louisiana. He has a wife and two daughters, and he moved them here from Mississippi and Alabama because he wanted his women to experience less conflict.

I was at work after a really shitty long day last night, and he and I got to talking. The rest of our small office is early to get there, early to leave, and the two of us are night owls. We are late to get there, late to leave. We also happen to have really political jobs, so no one messes with us. We have a little bit of autonomy and it suits us.

Anyway, we get to talking late at night when we are winding down. Last night, he shared some stuff with me when we got to talking about race and racism, and political candidates.

I'm 41 yrs old, and he's a few years older. Growing up in the south, he's seen houses burned down, crosses burned in yards, a best friend's girlfriend drowned because white fishermen wouldn't help her when she hit a river whirlpool, etc.

I didn't have friends who hated for race. We really didn't. We had Asian, Native American, African American, Latino, Chicano, you name it friends, and we were just school mates. We were a really diverse school This whole dynamic makes me sad.

I studied civil rights some years ago at university. One of the things I read was about the first black kids to be bussed to white schools in Alabama. It seemed so long ago, but my coworker was one of them.

He doesn't like to talk about it much, but he does with me. He refuses to, with his wife and daughters. Isn't that interesting? I thought so. But he explains it well. He says there is a noticeable neighborhood when you drive through cities - a black neighborhood, and a white one. You can tell in any neighborhood, and to say otherwise is to be in denial. And it's not always bad. He says, though, that to hate categorically isn't fair. He doesn't want his family to feel that. One of the worst memories he had was when he was 12, and Martin Luther King was killed. A local man who was an advocate for poor in his community was drug out of his car and beat to death in front of him, because of he was white. This man had always advocated for my friend's community, but black people were so angry and outraged at MLK's murder that they took it out on someone always called a friend.

So he tries to protect his family by leading by example. He reminds his black friends who went through what he did, in the south or elsewhere, that plenty of 'white folks' sacrificed to support black folks. In fact, many died. And many white people didn't participate in the horrifying things that whites before us did. It falls on deaf ears, with some of his friends.

Like many white people, hatred is a learned thing.

My point is, we can't change everyone. And no side is 'right'. I'm just glad for the ones who listen and try, because we'll keep spreading the word that hatred and intolerance isn't ok. I hope, someday, we make a difference.

My coworker is a beautiful, kind man. I really admire him and his forgiving nature.

in general public never.........to keep the peace at work (which is where damnation for non christians is discussed ) - - - and really because i'm a private person in that setting - don't discuss politics or religion extensively at work - - because it's just not the forum - -- and i agree it's unhealthy to be silent all the time (anyone who knows me - will laugh at the idea of me being silent :-)