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What if you had an old flame that you totally adored want to come back into your life?
I have that situation and i may be proceeding with too much caution. I find I am not being myseldf an worry too much about "what he thinks" .. I shouldnt care , I am what I am....
I would like to have him in my life on a regular basis.
Have you had this happen?
how did it work?
Amy :-)
I have that situation and i may be proceeding with too much caution. I find I am not being myseldf an worry too much about "what he thinks" .. I shouldnt care , I am what I am....
I would like to have him in my life on a regular basis.
Have you had this happen?
how did it work?
Amy :-)
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Wisconsin
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Re: old flames
Thu, October 29, 2009 - 2:20 PM"What if you had an old flame that you totally adored want to come back into your life?"
It would depend largely on which old flame, what our history had been together, and how she has evolved/changed since then. There are old flames, for example, where I might consider it if she'd kicked her drug habit and been clean for several years straight, but would not even look twice if she hadn't...or where she had severe abandonment issues left unresolved for years, and if she'd chosen to address them and transform them I might consider another go with her. There are other old flames that never really "lit" to begin with, and I wouldn't mind a second opportunity to ignite those relationships. So it depends on who...and where she's at in the present.
"I find I am not being myself an worry too much about "what he thinks" .. I shouldn't care , I am what I am.... "
So...knock it off. I know that may sound overly simple, but you know what's right. So just do it.
"I would like to have him in my life on a regular basis. "
When you say this aloud, what emotions come up for you? These are the emotions you need to express / purge to have this thing work.
"Have you had this happen?"
Once.
"how did it work? "
It only worked very briefly, until I realized she hadn't changed in the ways she claimed...that the differences that drove us apart in the first place were still present and still pretty much deal-breakers. -
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Re: old flames
Thu, October 29, 2009 - 2:31 PMI just had the daughter of an ex find me on Facebook. I checked the dates you silly people, the kid is not mine lol
It was all innocent, but she had heard about me from her mom and they were sitting at the computer together and looked me up.
It's all in the past, but nice to know she is okay.
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Re: old flames
Thu, October 29, 2009 - 3:04 PMStrangely enough, Amy, I have recently gone through a frighteningly similar situation, have you been spying on me. For the past several months, I have been dating a woman who I went out with in High School! I hadn't even seen spoken to her in 13 years! The culprit...Facebook!
But I actually had the opposite emotional reaction than you -- I find myself extremely comfortable and unself-conscious around her, after all, we've known each other practically all our lives, what else is there to know?
On the other hand, the relationship was sort of doomed from the start, there's a reason we didn't run off to the chapel back in high school, we have almost nothing else in common. We have totally opposite attitudes towards life and how it should be lived. We fought all the time back then and after the glow of rediscovery wore off, we were fighting again. We just broke up again for the second time a couple of weeks ago.
Oh well, maybe we'll see each other in another decade or two!
Oy vey!
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Re: old flames
Sat, October 31, 2009 - 7:03 AMI just contacted an ex via facebook. I've not spoken to her in over ten years but I've never gotten her out my head. I doubt she will respond. I didn't exactly "large myself up" and tell her I'd won the lottery or was a success or anything like that. -
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Re: old flames
Sat, October 31, 2009 - 7:25 AMIn any relationship, if I find myself worrying about rejection from my love interest that is a sign that something doesn't feel right. If you knew deep down that you could be yourself and it won't cause waves you wouldn't have this worry. Don't push the worry aside, get down into the root of it.
How was your last relationship with him? Did it end well?
It would also be helpful to see him through clear lenses, uncolored by the past. Is this possible or does hanging out with him constantly bring up the past? -
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Re: old flames
Sat, October 31, 2009 - 7:35 AMive been solitaire so long.,i dont remember what its like to be in a relationship--
i just know that if i have any doubts about someone--i move along--
pain is not worth struggling just to have a relationship--
i can depend on myself--i cant say that for other people--
i been screwed pretty good and if it takes 50 more years to regain confidence--so be it--
peace to all., -
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Re: old flames
Sat, October 31, 2009 - 10:24 AMYeah, I've been screwed over real bad but I figure you have to get straight back on the horse after it has thrown you.
I've just realised, the ex I contacted, I did it today. I hope she doesn't think I'm having a laugh, contacting her on Halloween - there's a lot of history. I shouldn't have bothered probably, I really doubt she will reply or even cares what I think, but I've been thinking about her a lot lately and this topic made me think of checking facebook to see if she was there, which she was.
I can't stand that site. I'm on there with absolutely no friends right now. -
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Re: old flames
Sat, October 31, 2009 - 6:17 PMMy old flame would be my first wife... I would love to here from her again... I am happy with my new wife of 20yrs, but I always wonder about Colleen... I hope she is doing well and has been happy... It would make me happy to talk to her or just find out what .... -
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Re: old flames
Sat, October 31, 2009 - 6:28 PMwhen i was 27 i went and looked up my first real flame--when we were 17.,oh that girl was hot--
10 years later one husband later and with a seven year old daughter--
i still loved her.,but i could not recognize her--so much had happened in our lives--it was an interesting reunion.,
basically a one night stand--was all it took to remember why we broke up--
people change--just like places we grew up--you go back and its a shock.,most of the time--
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Re: old flames
Sat, October 31, 2009 - 6:22 PMIn the spirit of Halloween, I give you....
www.youtube.com/watch
"My Old Flame"
- lyrics by Spike Jones
My old flame
I can't even think of her name
But it's funny now and then
How my thoughts go flashing back again
To my old flame
I've met so many who had fascinating ways
A fascinating gaze in their eyes
Some who took me up to the skies
But their attempts at love
Were only imitations of
My old flame
I can't even think of her name
But I'll never be the same
Until I discover what became
Of my old flame
My old flame
I can't even think of her name
I'll have to look through my collection of human heads
But it's funny now and then
How my thoughts go flashing back again
To my old flame
My old flame
My new lovers all seem so tame
They won't even let me strangle them!
For I haven't met a girl
So magnificent or elegant
As my old flame
I've met so many who had fascinating ways
A fascinating gaze in their eye
I saw this eye! So I remove the other eye,
that eye that kept winking and blinking at other men!
Some who took me up to the skies
But their attempts at love
Were only imitations of
My old flame
I can't even think of her name
What was her name?
Doris, Laura, Chloe, Mannie, Moe, Jack?
No, it couldn't have been Moe...
I can't stand it, I tell you! This is driving me sane!
She would always treat me mean
So I poured a can of gasoline
And struck a match to...
My old flame -
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What's Her Name...?
Sat, October 31, 2009 - 7:08 PMWhat's Her Name...?
. Have you ever thought of an old flame from years ago...? This song is the perfect expression of thinking of the past for Me...
Jimmy McGregor, hey, Jimmy, come here!
Jimmy you son of a gun!
What 'cha been doin'? How long has it been?
Hell, seven years if it's been one.
How's the preacher? How's Don, did he go back to school?
(No kidding, he said he was gay!)
Who me? Oh, I'm great! I'm a father you know
Yeah, two of 'em and one on the way.
Oh, well, she couldn't make it, she gets pretty tired
She started her last month today
I only came up for a couple of minutes
Believe me, I wish I could stay
Oh, and yeah while I think of it, do you remember
Not for myself, for a friend
A girl that I brought here, before I got married
A couple of times at the end?
Whatshername? She hardly knew me
Now her name means something to me
I wonder if she ever got over me?
Anyway I should be flattered For yesterday at least I mattered
Where did it go?
Jimmy I tell you we're two lucky guys
You've got everything that you planned
And all things considered I've done fairly well
I mean God's honest truth, man
I love Ruth and
Whatshername
I thought I knew her
Whatshername
What happened to her?
I don't know why
I'll never forget Whatshername -
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Re: What's Her Name...?
Sat, October 31, 2009 - 7:13 PMgreat stuff--on the money++
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Re: What's Her Name...?
Sun, November 1, 2009 - 4:20 AMIf we're going to try to capture it in song here's mine:
Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds - Thirsty Dog
I know you've heard it all before
But I'm sorry for this three year war
For the setting up of camps
and wire and trenches
I'm sorry for the other night
I know sorry it don't make it right
I'm sorry for things I can't even mention
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry
I'm sitting feeling sorry in the Thirsty Dog
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry
I'm feeling very sorry in the Thirsty Dog
You keep nailing me back into my box
I'm sorry I keep popping back up
With my crazy mouth
and jangling jester's cap
I'm sorry I ever wrote that book
I'm sorry for the way I look
But there ain't a lot that
I can do about that
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry
I'm sitting feeling sorry in the Thirsty Dog
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry
I'm feeling very sorry in the Thirsty Dog
I'm sorry about the hospital
Some things are unforgivable
That things simply cannot be forgiven
I was not equipped to know how to care
And on the occassions I came up for air
I saw my life and wondered
what the hell I had been living
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry
I'm sitting feeling sorry in the Thirsty Dog
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry
I'm feeling very very sorry in the Thirsty Dog
I'm sorry about all your friends
I hope they'll speak to me again
I said before I'd pay for all the damages
I'm sorry it's just rotten luck
I'm sorry I've forgotten how to fuck
It's just that I think my heart
and soul are kind of famished
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry
I'm sitting feeling sorry in the Thirsty Dog
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry
I'm feeling very sorry in the Thirsty Dog
Forgive me, baby but don't worry
Love is always having to
say you're sorry
And I am, from my head
down to my shoes
I'm sorry that I'm always pissed
I'm sorry that I exist
And when I look into your eyes
I can see you're sorry too
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry
I'm sitting feeling sorry in the Thirsty Dog
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry
I'm feeling very sorry in the Thirsty Dog
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry
I'm feeling very thirsty in the Sorry Dog
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry
I'm feeling very sorry in the Thirsty Dog
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www.youtube.com/results
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Re: old flames
Sat, October 31, 2009 - 9:35 PMOld flame - why did it die out in the first place? What has changed? I don't trust relationships based only on the strength of my feelings. Be cautious. If being yourself does not attract him, its not worth being someone else. -
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Re: old flames
Sun, November 1, 2009 - 5:57 AM"why did it die out in the first place? "
abandonment: short story :separated from wife...decided to try one more time (he has 2 young daughters).
"If being yourself does not attract him, its not worth being someone else"
its fear.....but you are right... also i fear of having many men in & out of my life , I do not want my son to see that. If i am affectionate (which i am to a fault) with a man in my life, I want it to be more permanate so i dont confuse my son or he feels sad if that person leaves.. I dont want my son to get attached to some one that wont be there consistanly. However I see that I am teaching him to be alone versus in a loving relationship even if the relationship may be brief.
plus the ol fame said something judemental..leading me to believe he cant trust me.
not sure on that, that will be discussed at some point in the future.
Amy:-). -
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Re: old flames
Sun, November 1, 2009 - 6:40 AMyour right to wonder about your sons feelings.,that he may become attacthedb to your lover-or friend.,and feel a real void when they are gone--it does create problems later on.,attatchments can be harder to form.,and not taken so seriously----good luck and best of life is in the cards if you deal them right--boys need dads--girls need mothers--and vice-versa--im only saying this because ive been there myself.,
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Re: old flames
Sun, November 1, 2009 - 9:13 AMI find that sometimes when something/one comes back from the past we tend to revert to a certain extent in our thoughts/behaviors that fit with the time period we were in the last time we saw that person. Does that make sense? Though the person I am today has grown into the kind of person I've wanted to be... I find that when I talk to some "old" friends that I subconsciously want to revert back to pick up where we left off. It is an uneasy feeling because the two (past behavior and present behavior/thoughts) don't necessarily match.
Perhaps being yourself today with him, in the present, is challenging because you may be wanting to revert back to where you were the last time you were together. Perhaps this is conflicting for you.
Not trying to psychoanalyze at all! :) Just throwing out something that has worked for me to understand situations similar to this. However, I could also be way off, thus my insight is null and void. ; )
Warm wishes for you Amy, I hope you find what you need in this situation.
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Re: old flames
Sun, November 8, 2009 - 11:46 PMWhen my old flame was ready to be back in my life, I wasn't ready. When I was ready, she wasn't ready. Until one day she called to tell me she was engaged -- two days later I realized everyone I had been dating, I was comparing to... her! I told her this, but alas she just got pissed, since she was not in love and to-be-married.
I'm still great friends with both she and her husband, and love their three kids :-)
Love doesn't die. People do (physically). So if you love each other, that love will be there regardless of if you become a physical permanance. :-)
On a different note, my birth-dad left us when I was 6 years old (ish). My mom dated several men, some of whom slept over at the house. And we were fine.. I don't remember them well -- like you, she probably didn't want to overplay it to "protect us".. they were just "good friends" of hers to us... but we knew she was "dating", and it was nice to see her happy with others.
If you can't show love in front of your children, who can you show it in front of?
Sounds like you've got a good pulse on things.... you'll know what to do.
:-) me
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Re: old flames
Tue, November 3, 2009 - 1:49 PMWell, the ex has not replied but I made friends with my sister-in-law, my dad and my niece so all's well that ends well.
Plus i did some good karma stuff.
