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How accountable are you for where you are in your life? Are others responsible for your happiness or satisfaction?
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Portland
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Re: Accountability
Mon, October 5, 2009 - 7:46 AMI'm accountable for my life. Others contribute to my happiness, however, which is not to say this a quest for approval. Like everyone, there have been disappointments along the way, but they make me who I am now. Hindsight doesn't afford peripheral vision in 3-D style always which makes me appreciate some things in my life long after the fact.
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Re: Accountability
Mon, October 5, 2009 - 8:55 AMI'm accountable for everything in my life ~ even the things that may seem 'not my fault' are/were my destiny ~ although, I don't really buy into 'fault' & only judge myself by how well I coped with & put to use whatever was/is on my path.
Other are not responsible for my happiness, nor am I for theirs, but they do contribute toward it ~ as I theirs.
love all-ways,
mem -
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Re: Accountability
Mon, October 5, 2009 - 2:40 PMI am of the same mind/emotion as MaryEllen.
I'll add a few favorite quotes on the topic:
"Enlightenment is the escape of man from his own childishness, which he himself maintains. The childishness consists in his incapacity to use his reason without another's guildance. He himself maintains childishness when it is the result of an insufficiency, nor of reason, but of the decision and manliness to us it without another's guidance. Know Thyself!"
- Immanuel Kant
"Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it."
- George Bernard Shaw,
"It's all up to you.
You are completely responsible for your life.
You are the creator.
It's an awesome burden and a great freedom.
It's all up to you.
When you take responsibility for one life, you assume responsibility for all life.
If you fail to take responsibility for your own life, you do not exist.
Tough, isn't it?
When you finally realize how really tough it is, when you finally accept life, when you finally find there is no way out but self-awareness and the incredible pain and loneliness and responsibility it brings, then and only then will you begin to be alive, and begin to know the joy of freedom."
- Paul Williams, poet/author
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Re: Accountability
Mon, October 5, 2009 - 3:26 PMI'm accountable for everything I say, think and do although I admit to being influenced by external stimuli
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Re: Accountability
Mon, October 5, 2009 - 8:18 PMFirst off... I accept the fact that there will likely always be sadness, pain, and trial. Constant happiness and satisfaction is not my goal.
How responsible am I for my own happiness? I think it's somewhat up to me, but external factors definitely come into play. I don't buy into the philosophy of "magical realism" that seems to be the new religion (i.e., you create your own reality). I think it was Neitszche (who was a miserable human being) who was largely responsible for that movement. "Human, all too human"... yes, that's what we are... human.
While there's certainly truth in the fact that being positive is likely to end in positive outcomes, there is also an external reality that I am only partially responsible for creating. And that reality does affect my options in life. Imo, to deny that is isolationism, and mostly an excuse to bow out of any degree of social responsibility. I, personally, believe in social responsibility. Our well-being and emotions are all tied into one another's. We can separate ourselves from it to the degree that we choose, but I think that there's a reason for empathy, even if it's not "happy".
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Re: Accountability
Mon, October 5, 2009 - 8:45 PMPeople are not responsible for my happiness...but some sure as hell helped me get where I am today! :) I am thankful for them in my life. -
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Re: Accountability
Mon, October 5, 2009 - 11:30 PMI don't know for sure but i think we are also responsible for each other's happiness in a way. rather than only looking out for ourselves we take care of each other also. that's what people do. We need each other. we are social animals. But it's seems true when we take care of ourselves first then we can begin to look after our community and have something to offer. I feel like my wife makes me happy on alot of levels. it's the sharing of life that makes it special. Like we were cooking dinner tonite it was sheer joy to work together. So i think it's not so simple. if we feed each other we accrue good karma and good things come our way in the long run. i'm feeling that. that's how i roll. Certainly after all is said and done i am responsible for the attitude to be happy. But i would not be as happy alone. catch 22
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Re: Accountability
Tue, October 6, 2009 - 4:32 PM"People are not responsible for my happiness...but some sure as hell helped me get where I am today! :) I am thankful for them in my life."
I think that it's good to really look at who it was who helped us get where we are, and who really contributes to our happiness day to day. Do you enjoy eating? Who produced that food? How did it get from there to you? Who helped you get to where you are now? Where did you go to school? Was it publicly funded? Did you take grants or government subsidized loans? Did it require resources? Who produced those things that helped you get to where you are now? Right now, you're on your computer, which I'm assuming you enjoy. Where did it come from? Ever go out to eat? What about the cooks, servers, and the dishwashers? Etc, etc, etc.
I think it's very easy for us to be grateful to people who have been very obviously directly involved in helping us out. But I think that too many people overlook how tied together we really are... all the things that give us happiness and all the people who were involved in creating that. And how do you show you're gratitude for those people, some of whom are probably in much less comfortable situations than we might be, who may not have had the options that we had?
And what about people from the past who have made this world a better place for us? MLK, everyone who fought for women's rights, the people who started the first labor unions, the people who made it possible for the working classes to go to college. And much of this was not created through happiness... in fact, much of it came from sadness and anger. And from people who empathized with those who didn't have it as easy. If men wouldn't have empathized with women, they'd still be unable to vote, etc. If whites hadn't empathized with blacks, they'd still be slaves. We live in a much freer world because of those people. But I don't think it's good to kid yourself into thinking that everyone has had the same opportunities as you. We've still got a ways to go.
If you say that "we are responsible for our own happiness", I'm curious if you'd be as happy if you were one of the very poor in Somalia, Ethiopia, China, or even in the U.S. And, considering that many of these people have probably been involved in making the things that have contributed to your success and happiness, are you grateful to them? If so, how do you show it? By telling them that it's all up to them, they're on their own, and if they're not happy, it's their own fault? -
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Re: Accountability
Wed, October 7, 2009 - 7:16 AMTo tell you the honest truth, I'm not as accountable as I would like to be. No person is an island I am very connected to many people I don't even know in so many ways that living without them would certainly put a kink in my happiness.
The garbage pick up crew makes me really happy, without them I would be knee deep in my own refuse and have to haul it off myself. The people who keep my electricity, water, and cable internet rolling, they are part of my happiness also. My boss and the thousands of people who purchase our products, without them I'd be pretty freaken miserable because I love my job. Without my husband, my friends, and my cats it would be awfully lonely. Heck even without you guys and these forums life wouldn't be quite as nice.
As much as I may idealize being totally accountable for my happiness I realize it's not possible to do that. Thank you everyone even remotely connected to what helps make my life so wonderful. I deeply appreciate your part and hope I'm returning the favor. -
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Re: Accountability
Wed, October 7, 2009 - 3:20 PMYour original question was really two, and I'm so tired today that I choose to evade the first one.
But the second one is easy. Since practically every fun thing I do involves other people, sometimes a whole lot of them, and would not be possible without them, it's really important to me that people get ideas for dances, art projects, community events, shows, drum classes, dance classes, drum groups, freestyle dances, and that those people want participants. (I myself am much too busy to initiate any of these things myself, though I have in the past.) A surprising number of people do get just such ideas around here and I rush right there to support and participate and praise. I feel so grateful, and what's really cool is that sometimes when things look dull and nothing's going on, I will pray to the Universe to inspire some people and next thing I know, hello, a new Flamenco class outa nowhere!!!
Nobody is really independent from society, although they may be pretty much "cast out" by themselves or conditions they can't control -- but still, as others have said, so many people out there are working to feed you and get you your utilities and inform you and entertain you and really, gratitude is appropriate and actually good for you.
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Re: Accountability
Mon, October 12, 2009 - 10:15 PMIf you say that "we are responsible for our own happiness", I'm curious if you'd be as happy if you were one of the very poor in Somalia, Ethiopia, China, or even in the U.S.
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at this point in my life, I would be considered "very poor" by those who consider those things ~ I have no bank account, no savings, no assets, no health insurance & am technically 'homeless' ~ I am living 'off the grid' ~ I have never been happier ~ it is not that I am happy that I am 'poor' (that is, in comparative economic terms ~ personally, I see myself as 'creatively resourceful'), but that being poor isn't directly linked to my overall happiness level
And, considering that many of these people have probably been involved in making the things that have contributed to your success and happiness, are you grateful to them?
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I am very grateful to all people, as it is very easy for me to see the interconnectedness of all beings.
I consider myself very successful ~ even tho that may not show, outwardly, on the material level ~ I have already FAR exceeded my own previous expectations of what I am capable of doing ~ I have traveled farther, had many, many more adventures, gained more experience/wisdom/knowledge than I even knew existed (back in the days when I ranked & compared myself to others in the material world) & overall impressed myself with how far I have come, along with the vision of my potential for how far there is still to go ~ the possibilities are literally infinite! Once upon a time ago, in my life, I had come to a place where I was bored ~ I am no longer bored, that's for sure!
If so, how do you show it?
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my general demeanor is friendly, helpful & optimistic ~ I smile at strangers ~ I leave places in 'better' condition than how I found them ~ I offer assistance whenever I am able & actively seek out varied opportunities to do so
By telling them that it's all up to them, they're on their own, and if they're not happy, it's their own fault?
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I see the phrase "it's all up to you" as incredibly empowering, rather than discouraging, but understand that not everyone is blessed with my vision ~ if I even suspect that these words wouldn't constructively add to another's personal sense of well-being, I wouldn't utter them in their presence & will go about offering my heartfelt assistance, in whatever ways that seem appropriate.
Even tho I do understand that it is "all up to each one of us", that doesn't translate into people being on their own ~ this isn't a paradox, at least not to me ~ I can offer my support, friendship, insight, etc. without interfering with the unique path that each of us individually walks ~ I can't be you & you can't be me (seriously, you wouldn't want to be me ~ I do some *wacky* shit!) ~ being you is your special gift to the world, just as being me is mine ~ but we are all in this together & there is no escape from that (another idea that makes me smile for a bunch of reasons). I do happen to be the kind of person that likes to 'share & help others' (some may say "meddle in other's business") ~ but, I fully understand that some other people are not that way & I have no doubt that they have own skills/talents/gifts to contribute in their own time, in their own ways ~ many of which I have yet to even understand (infinity is no joke!).
I've already stated that I don't buy into the concept of 'fault' ~ for myself, or others. That doesn't mean that there is no room for improvement & of course, certain logical connections can be made...
I have found discretion to be most helpful, but I attempt to do as little judging of others as I can possibly get away with ~ as far as I can tell, it hasn't ever done me much good, but I am suspicious of even that judgement ;)
I hope that I have made you smile, even if just a bit, to yourself, and/or at my so-called expense ~ I can afford it.
love all-ways,
mem -
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Re: Accountability
Wed, October 14, 2009 - 8:41 AMMem- I live alot like you do. Much of my adult life has been spent in some form homeless... I'm also "technically" homeless right now, without savings, insurance, assets, etc. I've never taken any government grants or loans. My lifestyle is much more "anarchistic" or "libertarian" than many of the people who call themselves by these names . But I also realize that most people wouldn't be happy living like I do. And also, that humans, like all other animals, have always existed through community... while there may be some exceptions to that, we ultimately thrive as a species through community. And that most, if not all, of the advances of humanity that have offered us greater freedom have been achieved through community and through people taking responsibility for the well-being of others.
While I'll say that it's ultimately up to me to make my own decisions and find what's right for me personally, I also believe in a philosophy that's based on community and some responsibility to that community. Without that, I can easily justify theft, murder, rape, destruction of our environment, or any other way for me to obtain personal gain or pleasure. And I think that a community-based philosophy is more important now than ever.
200 years ago, while we may have had an individualistic perspective, we were more likely to have an innate understanding of the importance of community. When we needed food, it probably came from someone very near us. Most of what we used was created within or near our immediate community. But now our community has expanded beyond our day to day recognition of it. The computer I'm using right now was designed and built by people who I'll likely never meet.
I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing, but our lack of recognition of it is a bad thing. I like my computer, and I like the fact that I can eat papaya in Minnesota. I like the fact that I can get on an airplane and be on the other side of the world fairly quickly. But we do need to recognize and respect where these things came from and how they continue to exist, and the fact that those people are a part of our community, and have contributed to our freedom and well-being. Years ago, I heard a woman say something like, "Why do we need farmers... I can get my food at the grocery store." While this may seem extremely ignorant, it's not really that far from many people's general attitude and understanding when you look at it.
While our choices ultimately come down to us, I do believe that we need to be cognizant of the fact that we're dependent upon each other for our happiness and well-being. And this entails accepting some responsibility for our community (even as that community is not in our immediate field of vision), and some responsibility for what we leave for future generations.
Our collective thoughts and actions create the reality that we live in and we're bound to the limitations of that reality. Right now, it's a reality of imbalance... and, imo, this is the result of an overly-individualistic philosophy. Individualism and respect for the individual are, to me, 2 very different things... almost opposites from what I can see.
We can take someone who was abused from the time they were born... we can say that it's completely their responsibility to move past that. But, in reality, it's very unlikely that they'll ever be able to move past that without some form of external support. I think that's expecting too much from someone. And if they don't find the support they need in order to move past that, they're actions will affect us in some way. I believe that success breeds success... and that joy spreads... but only if those things are shared. Hoarded, they tend to have the opposite affect. -
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Re: Accountability
Wed, October 14, 2009 - 8:53 AMthe people hardest to love are the ones who need it most--we are connected in many miraculous ways
and when i bless you-i share the blessing.,and the old saw--What goes around.,comes around has never been truer
lifes a circle--and everything we do comes back to us in one form or another
so plant your seeds with love for a good reflection
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Re: Accountability
Thu, October 22, 2009 - 7:10 PMWithout that, I can easily justify theft, murder, rape, destruction of our environment, or any other way for me to obtain personal gain or pleasure.
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I can't hurt other people without feeling that pain myself ~ often on a deeper level then even the other person hurt ~ I'm quite *sensitive* ~ call it a curse and/or a blessing ~ I don't settle for anything other than win/win situations, 'cuz if anyone I am even remotely connected to 'loses', I lose too ~ that's just the way it is for me ~ I've never known anything else.
love all-ways,
mem
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Re: Accountability
Tue, October 13, 2009 - 6:40 PMI'm 100% accountable. Who else would be? They have there own lives. What others say or do in relation to me colors my life, but how I take it is completely up to me. -
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Re: Accountability
Sat, October 17, 2009 - 1:31 AMExio I liked your first post. It made me think....
I am grateful for my friends. My family.... People who contribute to make my life comfortable and positive.
But mostly I view my daily satifactions as my own responsibility. If I'm upset, I usually don't 'have' to be. It may be something others would get upset with, but maybe not. On the whole, I look at the sum of my life and I have much to be thankful for. I try to focus on that, and when I struggle, I try to see what is positive in the parts and recognize them.
When we don't do that, it is easy to get overwhelmed and forget there is much to appreciate.
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Re: Accountability
Fri, October 23, 2009 - 12:16 PMI opened my windows to let some fresh air in. Now my flat smells of dogs. Is it my fault I smell like a dog, is it my fault my neighbours keep dogs, is it my fault I opened the windows, is it my fault I didn't move years ago to a fresher smelling neighbourhood?
fido wants to go and splash about in the bath. -
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Re: Accountability
Fri, October 23, 2009 - 12:31 PMwhat is the benefit to you to assign 'fault' at all?
;)
love all-ways,
mem -
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Re: Accountability
Sun, October 25, 2009 - 8:34 AMI am totally at fault for the wtf's moment in my life, poor choices and lack of direction... Or ignoring the path for what I thought was the right way or easy way... Caring less for others than I even care for me, which has always been not to much...
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