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Bitches of the Zodiac

topic posted Fri, October 19, 2007 - 12:48 PM by  Unsubscribed
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Aries

Hey fellas, how about a woman that wishes she had been born a man? Angry, sarcastic, hateful, domineering and downright butch? If you like having your manhood constantly questioned and competed against than this is the girl for you. Just don't expect her to love you. Her childish personality couldn't even fathom love if it hit her on her cropped haired head. Outburst are frequent. She acts more like a steretypical male in bed than any other woman, which is great if you like violent warlike sex. If you want something that resembles an emotional connection, fuhgeddaboudit, she's already asleep.

Taurus

How about a girl who is obssessed with eating? Stubborn as her namesake bull and will cast you into the role of a bastard until the day you die. Impossible to please. She can be violent as well, so adjust your reflexes for when she starts throwing things at you it can get nasty. Her redeeming feature is her loyalty, but ONLY if you can satistify her in the sack. If you lack that particular ability, then she has no qualms about fucking anyone else.

Gemini

A one girl harem. This woman couldn't be faithful if she tried. She flirts with anyone and anything that moves, if they can keep her interest that long. Life with this woman is one big joke or in her words "PARTY PARTY PARTY" Her attention span is shorter than a millimeter ruler. Plus her mouth never quits so it is impossible to get a simple word in edgewise. When you do, she has already moved on to something else. Better avoid these women if you are the possessive type of man or you could be driven to do things you regret.


Cancer

Moody childish basket case of a woman at her worst, sweet loving mother at her best. Pray you are lucky enough to find the latter instead of the former. With that kind of woman you will never ever sleep at night due to the emotional manipulation she will pull which always ends up making you feel less than human. Also, sexually, Cancer women can swing to extremes, they can be the eternal slut (think Pamela Anderson and porn star Jesse Jane) or a frigid cold bitter crone. Hopefully you can find one somewhere in between.

Leo

Leo woman can demand you worship her like QUEEN GODDESS OF THE UNIVERSE. If you don't serve her every whim, then you with deal with her wrath, which isn't pretty. The self-obsessed Leo woman rarely thinks of anyone but her next source of gratification. Delights in putting others down. On the other hand, some Leo women are very generous and giving. Find out what yours is before you decide to get serious.

Virgo

Calculating, structuring workaholic of a woman who admittedly usually has a very intelligent mind. However, her heart is a little hard to find sometimes. Criticizing is her favorite pastime. Nothing you ever do is right because she could do it better. She notices the small things, like if you happen to have a speck of lint on your jacket. Sex will never be spontaneous and always structured. She can be loving, if she can find time for it in her busy schedule.

Libra

Well, why not try and appearance obsessed woman who can never make up her mind? Vain and flighty, Miss Libra will always go for looks. You best look good or she wont even notice you. Plus don't have any opinions because she will always defend the other side. Its her special way of making you look bad by giving you the precious gift of "balance".

Scorpio

Hey now, she is very sexy and alluring but make sure she's not using you to further her own gains. Much like Aries woman, she feels the need to dominate and show the menfolk there place. She really just wants her equal in a man. Trouble is, NO MAN is every considered her equal in her eyes. On the flip side, if she loves you, you'd best love her back and NEVER EVER betray her because the phrase "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" most definitely came from a Scorpio woman.

Sagittarius

Well, dudes, do you enjoy being someone who cannot keep a secret? Who will share all of yours with everyone she knows? Now that's honesty! if you want a wild party girl who likes to stay active, travel everywhere without a moment's notice and care's little for others? Britney and Christina anyone??? Good for a one night stand, bad for anything longer than that. The choice is yours.

Capricorn

Hey all you extravagant big spenders out there? Need a woman who can manage your money? Then you need a Goat girl because she'll manage it so well, you'll probably never see it again. Plus a woman who can't take a joke or crude comment? If you like that it gets better: Here's a woman who cares so much about social ettiquette that she will despise you for a long time if you look even a little out of place in a crowd. Similar to virgo, she structures and schedules sex. Highly unromantic woman as well.

Aquarius

Want a woman with eighty five piercings in her face along, orange hair and who looks like a space monster from Mars? (or is that Uranus?) She'll babble on and on about eccentric nonsense until you fall asleep from pure boredom. A highly masculine woman who is detached from her emotions. Doesn't usually cheat, but sees no problem with swapping, orgies and any other form of sexuality. Its all great fun!!! right?

Pisces

This girl convinces herself that every dude she screws is Prince Goddamn Charming his own self. Even if it lasts for 10 seconds. Emotional basket case who freaks out and puts on a dramatic show at the smallest slight. Also highly spaced out.
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  • Unsu...
     

    Re: Bitches of the Zodiac

    Sat, October 20, 2007 - 6:43 AM
    Ouch! But along time coming and fair is fair! *laughing*...I'm sure you enjoyed writting this! There was a book out called "how to spot a bastard by his star sign".There should be one 'how to spot a bitch by her star sign",the exes from hell,the shadow sides of everysign.
  • Unsu...
     

    Re: Bitches of the Zodiac

    Sat, October 20, 2007 - 8:44 AM
    >Libra

    Well, why not try and appearance obsessed woman who can never make up her mind? Vain and flighty, Miss Libra will always go for looks. You best look good or she wont even notice you. Plus don't have any opinions because she will always defend the other side. Its her special way of making you look bad by giving you the precious gift of "balance".<

    That is so not true. That's just your opinion that a Libra will defend the other side, what do you know? Maybe you should broaden your horizons and think about the other possibilities. And, what is that you are WEARING? And those SHOES!

    Signed, Miss Libra
  • Re: Bitches of the Zodiac

    Sat, October 20, 2007 - 1:58 PM
    Mine made me laugh out loud. My sun sign was most accurate - rising, somewhat.
    • Unsu...
       

      Re: Bitches of the Zodiac

      Sat, October 20, 2007 - 5:33 PM
      Mine cracked me up too, because I have been called "Miss something-or-other" by friends, by employers, even when they did NOT use "Miss" with anyone else. I have no idea what is up with that.

      And, I DO argue the other side, no matter WHAT the discussion is.

      Sure, everyone is entitled to their own wrong and incorrect opinion. And if they voice it, they should be willing to correct it.

      My horoscope from Astro.com said that sometimes I might be wrong, even though I think I'm always right. I think they're wrong.

      And that coupled with the fact that the guy I have argued with for over a year is a Scorpio and fits the Bastards description to a tee, it was like a disaster waiting to happen. The arguing is supposedly over.

      By the way, is there a way to tell who is compatible? I have all that Astro.com stuff in my profile, but it wants me to put in a specific date for a person I know to see if they are compatible. I don't have anyone in particular in mind. I just want to know who can be a good friend or perhaps companion. Is there a tribe for that?
      • Unsu...
         

        Re: Bitches of the Zodiac

        Mon, October 22, 2007 - 8:12 AM
        "Sure,everyone is entitled to their wrong and incorrect opinion.And if they voice it,they should be willing to correct it"???according to whom Peach? It's only an opinion nothing more,ethier agree with it and find something relivant or simply disagree and let it go.
        • Unsu...
           

          Re: Bitches of the Zodiac

          Mon, October 22, 2007 - 10:53 AM
          Did you read the description of "Libra" posted by Axe Grinder? It contained this:
          >Plus don't have any opinions because she will always defend the other side<

          And right after I said the "everyone entitled to their wrong opinion" I said this:
          >My horoscope from Astro.com said that sometimes I might be wrong, even though I think I'm always right. I think they're wrong.<

          It's a joke. It's a play on the description that was posted by Axe Grinder, and I added to the description with information from the Astro.com text.

          Opinion being the keyword, and using Axe Grinder's description combined with the Astro.com info to make a new joke.

          Now, if you're going to be rude to me because you didn't understand the joke in this case, or why I would worry about what I last talked to you in PM about, I don't need to stay in this tribe. Hinting around at wanting me to go won't work. It has to be stated clearly.

          You either do not know, or do not remember, that my older brother was murdered with a gun. Shot. Dead. So that I do worry about things like that, as it hits close to home.

          Feel free to go and discuss in the private tribe. Meanwhile, I have that jerk making an alt of me and creating new problems. Go giggle with them about how crappy you all can make me feel. And no, everyone else, I cannot send this to Dawn in PM, as she put me on ignore when I said I was worried about a comment from some creep who was talking about guns and shooting people.
          • Re: Bitches of the Zodiac

            Tue, November 6, 2007 - 8:43 AM
            I LOVED IT AND IM A TAURUS I REPOSTED IT AS A BULLETTIN ON MYSPACE AND ASKED GIRLS IF THIS WAS TRUE? I GOT NEGATIVE RESPONSES FROM MEN ONE MY BOYFREIND ONE MY SISTER . iN THE MYSPACE MEATMARKET OF COLLECTING HALF NAKED WOMEN AND ASKIN SOMEONE OUT FOR HOT CHEAP SEX I WAS APPALLED BY THE HYPOCRYTES . I EXPLAINED I GOT IT FROM TRIBE A MUCH MORE OPEN MINDED WITTY I CAN LAUGH AT MYSELF KINDA COMMUNITY . I LOVED IT AND I KNOW ITS ONLY A PARODY IM NOT THAT STUCK UP MY ASS JEEZ AND THAT MAY BE DUE TO MY aQUA MOON AND AQUA MARS I DIDNT READ THE BASTARDS OF THE ZODIAC WISH I HAD AND WISH I COULD IF ANYONE COULD FORWARD ME THAT ID LOVE LOVE LOVE IT
            HATS OFF TO YOU WOMEN WHO FOUND IT AMUSING YOU CAN SAY HI TO ME ANYTIME YOU WANT
            • Re: Bitches of the Zodiac

              Fri, November 30, 2007 - 10:37 AM
              Well then - Hi Lalena!

              I loved it, too. Feeling sorry for any stuck up bitches or bastards of the zodiac, for what is, for example so so bad about a woman who can manage your money so that you will never see it again? Huh? That way the poor bastard will never have to worry about it any more! I will! Jeeeeeeeez!
  • Unsu...
     

    Re: Bitches of the Zodiac

    Sat, April 17, 2010 - 7:40 PM
    Hilarious and cute!

    (^_^)
    • Re: Bitches of the Zodiac

      Sat, April 17, 2010 - 8:28 PM
      "She really just wants her equal in a man"

      ...there is some truth to that.....
      I'd say she seeks equal in intensity...someone who can balance out her overabundant passion so she doesn't dominate the relationship.

      "On the flip side, if she loves you, you'd best love her back and NEVER EVER betray her because the phrase "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" most definitely came from a Scorpio woman. "

      Nothing to be afraid of unless your intentions aren't honorable.
      Do not deceive her and you will be fine. :)
      • Unsu...
         

        Re: Bitches of the Zodiac

        Sat, April 17, 2010 - 8:43 PM
        Strong women want strong men, in every sense of the word.

        < Nothing to be afraid of unless your intentions aren't honorable.
        Do not deceive her and you will be fine. :) >

        Or beware of the beast.


        • Re: Bitches of the Zodiac

          Sat, April 17, 2010 - 9:04 PM
          I've seen first hand what a Scorpio woman does to ex's that betray them

          My ex tormented the two that betrayed her by getting under the skin of every woman they dated
        • Re: Bitches of the Zodiac

          Sat, April 17, 2010 - 9:26 PM
          "Strong women want strong men, in every sense of the word. "

          Absolutely. Cowards exit stage left...
          • Re: Bitches of the Zodiac

            Sat, April 17, 2010 - 9:31 PM
            LOL@ "My ex tormented the two that betrayed her by getting under the skin of every woman they dated"

            Perhaps, if it's convenient..but not going out of my way....

            My time is limited on this planet, valuable, and wiser spent on my present and future...

            I have however had the pleasure of bearing witness to some karma bringing it back on them and that was satisfying.
            • Re: Bitches of the Zodiac

              Sat, April 17, 2010 - 9:36 PM
              > Perhaps, if it's convenient..but not going out of my way....

              My time is limited on this planet, valuable, and wiser spent on my present and future <

              Oh, it was convenient

              one girl showed up in the same place at the same time running her mouth. After my ex put the girl's heart through the ringer she wrapped her spiked collar around her fist and beat the shit out of the girl with it. Made a mess :-)
              • Unsu...
                 

                Re: Bitches of the Zodiac

                Sat, April 17, 2010 - 9:42 PM
                < one girl showed up in the same place at the same time running her mouth. After my ex put the girl's heart through the ringer she wrapped her spiked collar around her fist and beat the shit out of the girl with it. Made a mess :-) >

                Wow.... !

                I only become physical when someone puts their hands on me first. I would never initiate the first move, no matter how much I want to murder them.
      • Re: Bitches of the Zodiac

        Wed, June 9, 2010 - 9:09 AM
        Yes agreed...the intensity comes from an always brewing emotional/mental war under the surface. I've come to the realization that I've had many relationships including a failed engagement that may have gone all the way if I didn't have the constant raging within.

        I think once I find peace within myself I will be able to appreciate the best a man has to offer me. However one characteristic that I love from a Capricorn man is the ability to calm the raging and simplify and solve issues. I found that an Aquarius man just got me more riled up than ever.

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