I was pretty much aware of myself all my life.

>...see your separateness,<
I'm not sure what you mean by this. Separation from the crowd? Separation from a certain view of life? What do you mean?

>hear your inner thoughts...<
... Well, I've always been able to hear that too. I do prefer INTJ mechanics, after all. ;)

>perhaps understand the concept of existing beyond flesh?<
I think this concept is very easy to understand unless you get obsessed with all the sensory distractions of life and society, which was always easier for me to ignore because they're annoying.

That is easy

...Trajedy...

My 1st experience of death

Death in the flesh, that is.

Losing a loved one suddenly without warning was devastating to everyone around me. Without even trying I gutted the loss and immediately tried to see beyond it. I was 12.

That moment began a chain reaction. From that point forward self-awareness and self-mastery became the 1st real driving force in my life and remains the most prominent. Like the moment lightning strikes and a forest fire begins, the experience was so powerful that it started a slow-burning fire inside me that gets hotter and hotter as time goes on,as I work to transcend boundaries of the flesh.

It is a process, of which I can see no end

last tuesday at 9 o'clock in the morning. the dustmen had reversed the vehicle into the car park and swallowed the garbage from the plastic bins. I was aware of a distinct smell. I had a shower and looked in the mirror, and suddenly realised, "Ah, so your me.."

My whole life. This is gonna sound really funny (Please, have a laugh at my expense), but i think i came into this world hungover from another life. When i was about 1 or 2, i had never seen myself in the mirror, i just never thought to look. So, even though my whole family was black, i, assumed i was white (I think i was white in my past life). When i finally saw myself i laughed, and deep down i felt kinda stupid, too!

As a young child, i was VERY aware of my surroundings, and everything going on around me in the world. Even as i got a little older, and i became a little closed off (Difficult childhood), i always have been very self aware and in-touch with myself, emotionally and mentally, and extremely intuitive. At about 13, i opened myself up again to the world, and i got horribly angry by all the stupidity around me, but i'm just so in-tune with everything.

Maybe i'm so in-tune with everything because i've always been psychically inclined. I've always been very self-aware in an emotional sense, but becoming aware in a psychic sense was very different. When i was younger, i was good for astral projection when asleep, and then getting lost around my house! I had to learn to control that, which meant strengthening my mental connection with my soul. Natrually, my intellectual state and my emotional state are intertwined in a sense, one can't act without the other, but i learned to become more aware in a unconscious state. I think this is where my anaylitical Libran mind and my intuitive Scorpio nature combine. At this point, i can even emotionally plug into myself while in my unconscious state, i just trained myself to stay right in between the area of sleep and consciousness, and concentrate.

Becoming more in-touch with my inner self made me more emotionally intuitive with others, as well. I can sense emotional and mental changes in someone, even if they haven't sensed it themselves. This is kinda annoying, because i have issues with people who don't know how to express their emotional needs, and don't know how to identify their emotions as what they are. So it kills me when i can figure out someone emotionally, when they can't even figure it out themselves. This is gonna be frustruating for me in future relationships, because i know most people in general aren't that in-touch with themselves and others, so most men sure as hell aren't. I sure as hell aren't gonna find another 18 yr old boy on my level emotionally and mentally, and i need someone with emotional intellegence.

I've always had a different/vivid mind and had internal conversations and thoughts. It got extreme when i hit adolescence around 7/8th grade. I went form being a very social friendly person to a introverted individual stuck in my own thoughts and ideas. And i really couldn't tell you how it happened so quickly. It was a tough time in my life because I felt like i was alone here by myself and everybody else was just an illusion or the background noise in my portrait. I was looked at as extremely weird or "different". But it just came over me so strong and it really felt like I had no control over the situation. I was pulled into it and the harder I tried to resist it the harder it pulled. So finally succumbed to it. It was like it had to happen because if it didn't i wouldn't have gotten to know my true self and abilities and weaknesses. I would have been living a lie. But when it did happen, I developed strong competitiveness, intuition, visions, emotional control over myself and others and seeing through peoples' masks that block inner insecurities and possesing the ability to help them handle those insecurities, in particular women. And as I get older all of these just continue to become more powerful.

I am not pretentious..Honestly I'm lying