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difference between a kink & a fetish

topic posted Fri, April 25, 2008 - 10:48 AM by  Lynne
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Just out of curiosity heres a question: `whats the difference beween kink or fetish`?

a. can you define a kink/fetish or both if there different you feel?
b. if there is a difference then when do they begin or end? if they do!
c. what causes both a kink or a fetish do you feel?

Big one is`nt it when you come to think about it?

I`ll tell you what I think later...first got to give it some thought.
posted by:
Lynne
United Kingdom
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  • Re: difference between a kink & a fetish

    Fri, April 25, 2008 - 11:56 AM
    A kink is a culturally "abnormal" item or activity that you enjoy sexually.
    A true fetish is some item or activity that is not in and of itself sexual without which and individual CAN NOT have satisfactory sexual relations. In popular usage it's simply come to mean something you really really like.

    There's a lot of conjecture about what causes both kink and fetish behavior. The most prevalent theory is that at some point during childhood a specific action or item became associated with sexuality for you through some event and that your sexual identity imprinted upon that item or experience as a primary sexual signal. Not all fetishists or kinksters readily fall into this model however. For some fetishists there is a non-sexual symbolism to their object or act that resonates with their personality and psychological needs in a way that has caused it to become sexualized. For some kinksters it seems to be purely about exploring the range of physical sensations and then finding one or two that hold a particularly strong appeal. Some people use kink or fetish-like activities as a conscious attempt to process and/or resolve traumatic episodes from their past. There likely is no one answer for all cases.
  • Re: difference between a kink & a fetish

    Mon, April 28, 2008 - 6:16 AM
    Yeah, kink literally means an aberration or abnormality - but eh, what on Earth is normal about sex anyway, I mean what is a pervert and what is a normally functioning individual in a sexual pose - is it the missionary position and nothing else?
    Fetish is derived from Animism - The belief that everything has a spirit or paower in it.

    Perverts & Puritans:
    Variations in sexual orientation is by no means a new phenomena since the ancient Egyptians recognised as many as seven different sexual types in their own civilisation and time. In contemporary terms we can delineate these seven different types as heterosexual (male & female), homosexual (male & male), lesbian (female & female), bisexual man or woman (male or female), transsexual (male or female), transvestite (male or female), and autoerotic narcissist (male or female). Alongside their sexual orientation each type may be inclined towards a particular sexual indulgence, perversion or affectation. Furthermore, one particular type may exhibit more than one characteristic leading to a myriad of sexual classifications and characteristics. In her classic work, "The Encyclopædia of Unusual Sex Practices", the sex therapist Brenda Love listed some 750 different means of erotic enjoyment practised by people from all over the world. One of the most common contributory factors in creating these sexual types and their various deviations is some psychological conditioning or abuse in early childhood. This may have been the product of parental, social or accidental imprinting by some trauma initiating a subconscious phobic response. A fetish from rubber for example is merely the proximity of rubber articles near a child when breast-feeding or being caressed by its mother.
  • Re: difference between a kink & a fetish

    Mon, April 28, 2008 - 9:27 AM
    Technically a fetish is about a sexual turn-on associated with something inanimate - like shoes, or leather. Some people also describe fetishes as being something one requires for sexual release, as in, cannot get off without it. However, this usage appears to be nonstandard and not very prominent.

    Kink isn't defined formally, but is used colloquially to describe a sexual behavior which is out of the norm, but generally not criminal.

    And no, it's not a big one to me. While I've given it some thought and studied the definitions, the distinction has never been particularly important to me at all.
    • Re: difference between a kink & a fetish

      Mon, April 28, 2008 - 1:57 PM
      A fetish is any sexual turn on, period. It can be someone's feet, their hair, their ass, their genitals, a hairbrush, toothpaste, fingernails, amputation, etc. A fetish is basically... anything in the world that can and DO turn people on. A fetish is not to be confused with a paraphilia.

      Kink, on the other hand, simply feels like "play" to me. When you ask someone, "What's your kink?" Some might see it as a fetish, but I've known many vanilla people to have quite a few kinks, even as simple and mild as handcuffs or rope play.

      To me, the question shouldn't be fetish vs. kink... but instead.... paraphilia vs. kink -- now THOSE two are drastically different.
      • Re: difference between a kink & a fetish

        Mon, April 28, 2008 - 2:45 PM
        I think there is no accepted definition, so you'll only get different people's personal ideas. And that's great.

        There's an old joke (well, not that old): What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle someone with a feather. Perverted is when you use the entire chicken.

        The word "kink" means "a sharp twist or curve in something that is otherwise straight" (that's really in my dictionary!). So I think of "kinky" as something twisted and that can add to sexual practices for fun and arousal.

        A fetish, as has been pointed out, can be anything. An erect nipple might turn someone on incredibly. A garter belt or being whipped might do the same. So might whipped cream.

        So for my, the difference is simply that a kink has less importance and intensity than a fetish. If being handcuffed once in a while adds to your sexual enjoyment, I'd say it's a kink. If you can't get off without being handcuffed, I'd say it's a fetish.

        My definitions: YMMV
        • Re: difference between a kink & a fetish

          Tue, April 29, 2008 - 3:07 AM
          Heres some stuff I`ve picked up about fetish/kinks:
          Some people aren't sure if they even have a fetish while others think that their fetishes are abnormal. So what is a fetish? If you have a fetish, you are obsessively fixated on either an object or a body part.

          You need that specific something for sexual gratification. When you masturbate, you fantasize about that particular thing. Even if you have sex with a partner, you still need to fantasize about that object or have it present for you to get off.

          For instance, if you're attracted to brunettes, that's one thing, but if you are unable to get aroused unless you're with a brunette, then you likely have a fetish for brunettes.
          history of fetishes
          The word fetish originally meant "charm," and it originates from the 15th century Portuguese word feitico , which means false power, object or charm. For example, when the Portuguese explored West Africa and encountered native religions, they called whatever talisman (totems, carvings, beads) they revered a fetish.

          To the Portuguese in those days, the fetishists were those who worshiped the unusual. Later on, however, the implication of the word took on a whole different meaning.

          First, a fetish involves the transfer of power from an original source onto a substitute. Second, a fetishist is someone who operates outside the circle of what is characteristically considered normal. Yeah right, what is normal nowadays?
          types of fetishes
          There are many diverse kinds of fetishes, depending on the object being fetishized. Inanimate fetishes come in three varieties -- media, form and animate.

          In a media fetish, material is what is obsessed over. Media fetishes include rubber, leather, latex, and silk.

          With a form fetish, it's the shape of the object that has great significance. Stiletto heels, knee-high boots and lingerie fall into this category.

          Feet, hair, butts, breasts, and all that good stuff are also considered fetishes, but since these objects are human, they're called "animate" fetishes.

          People can turn anything into a fetish. There are different degrees of fetishism that go from mild to extreme. It's quite easy to tell whether your fetish is getting out of hand. Basically, if your fetish interferes with your relationship or your life, seek the help of a professional.

          The following 10 fetishes were comprised through a survey that was filled out by AskMen.com readers. There are plenty of others that have been omitted, which may be somewhat tamer or 50 times more wild.

          Read on to see which fetishes ranked in the top 10:

          Number 1
          Voyeurism and exhibitionism
          A lot of guys admitted that they couldn't get off with their partner unless they were watching pornography or another couple in the act. Even if they witnessed two people having sex or caught some erotic movies on television accidentally (yeah, right) when not with their partner, they had to masturbate.

          Only a minute amount of women admitted that they are voyeuristic to the point where they needed to see sex whilst engaging in it. Oddly enough, however, quite a few women like being watched . One woman from New Orleans wrote, "I make sure to open the blinds fully before I make love with my partner."
          Number 2
          Golden showers
          I know this one doesn't sound very inviting, but it was a popular one. Some guys love to watch a woman urinate on them as a method of foreplay. Other guys like to relieve themselves on women before they can actually get down to business.

          Why? Well, the reason for this also deals with submission. Being peed on is somewhat degrading and if you allow someone to do it to you, then you're submitting and if you do it to someone else, then they are succumbing to you.
          Number 3
          Water
          Believe it or not, many variants of water were popular with both men and women. Many women declared that they enjoyed sex best when they could hear or be in running water. Whether it be rain, the shower or even an opened faucet -- so long as they heard water of some sort.

          Although it's not exactly water, many women (and some men) absolutely obsess over thunder and lightning. "The powerful sound and the sudden flashes of light give my body a feeling of empowerment. My husband and I make plans to meet whenever we know that a storm is in effect," said a woman from Colorado.
          Number 4
          Braids, ponytails, pigtails
          Hair, it's no surprise, was a very big fetish among guys. Blond, brunette, redheaded, braided, long, short, thick, curly, straight... you name it, they thought of it. But braids, pigtails and ponytails caught my attention. I have two theories as to why some men are into pigtails.

          First, they have a preference for younger women (to say the least) and because of the illusion that pigtails and ponytails emanate, the fetishists feel as though they are fulfilling their desires.

          Second, when the hair is tied up in these various ways, it could resemble a whip, to a certain extent. "Women can whip me with their hair: the ultimate turn-on." said one man from Boston. I can definitely see the latter example as working.

          Some women have a fetish involving no hair: bald men. They love rubbing a man's bald head whilst in a passionate embrace. Did you hear that Costanza ? You're actually preferred by women.
          Number 5
          Fingernails and lipstick
          It's the cliche of the '80s: red lipstick and long, red-lacquered fingernails. Well, guess what? Some guys are still obsessed with that whole thing. They enjoy feeling a woman's nails running down their backs.

          As well, they like kissing a woman and smudging her lipstick all over both their faces. Why? Because it gives them the feeling of having adulterated sex, i.e. sex with a prostitute.
          Number 6
          Feet and hands
          You knew this fetish was coming didn't you? Men enjoy licking, sucking, kissing, and biting women's feet almost exclusively. Some guys simply can't date a woman if she has ugly feet or toes.

          Women, I was surprised to learn, love to suck on men's fingers and some can even orgasm off that alone. "There's something about pleasuring a man's finger as though it was a penis that gives me orgasmic pleasure," said one woman from Seattle.
          Number 7
          Domination and submission
          To my amazement, most women dominate and most guys submit. HELLO! A lot of women said they love to order their men around in bed like slaves and spank them, smack them, and even penetrate them with a strap-on.

          Guys, on the other hand, enjoy submitting to women and being told what to do. I guess most of them are probably tired of performing all the time. Everything I mentioned that the women do -- well, the men enjoy having those things done to them. Welcome to the new millennium.
          Number 8
          Leather, rubber, vinyl, latex
          Men seem to love material; perhaps not the actual feel of it, but the rather pornographic quality it gives to a sexual encounter. Although men look to settle down with a sweet woman, most will forever have a fixation with that "bad girl" look.

          "Watching a woman move around in anything tight and shiny is a tease in itself," says one gentleman. Another man told me that his girlfriend's entire wardrobe consists of latex and leather.
          Number 9
          Body piercing
          This one was quite popular with the younger crowd (18-35). Everything from bellybuttons, tongues and nipples to eyebrows and penises was not only acceptable, but for a specific few, it was a prerequisite.

          One guy told us that he loves tongue rings because after being pleasured by a girl who had one, he couldn't go back to the "ordinary." The feeling of the cool object rubbing against his penis while her hot mouth engulfed him "felt like heaven."
          Number 10
          Stomachs
          Men and women both agreed that taut tummies make them somewhat crazy. But others said that they would never bed a potential partner if their tummies protruded or hung loosely.

          Some guys weren't as picky and admitted that they liked it when a woman had a tummy with a teensy-weensy little pot. One gentleman was very adamant about needing to release himself on a woman's stomach or his experience simply wouldn't be pleasurable.
          While some fetishes can be seen as more "particular" than others, most people go through phases where they obsess about a certain object, act or body part. Fetishes are highly widespread and are not abnormal in any way.

          & as regards a kink:

          Kink is a term used to refer to a broad range of sexual practices such as spanking, bondage, domination and submission, sadomasochism and sexual fetishism. BDSM is a term that has developed over time to represent the full range of kinky behavior, and not just those represented by the acronym
          crick: a painful muscle spasm especially in the neck or back (`rick' and `wrick' are British) a sharp bend in a line produced when a line having a loop is pulled tight a person with unusual sexual tastes an eccentric idea crimp: curl tightly; "crimp hair" a difficulty or flaw in a plan or operation; "there are still a few kinks to iron out" curl: form a curl, curve, or kink; "the cigar smoke curled up at the ceiling"


    • Re: difference between a kink & a fetish

      Thu, May 1, 2008 - 2:28 AM
      The use of fetish as an item that an individual needs in order to achieve sexual release is, I admit, a little archaic and does not conform to current diagnostic criteria for fetishism which is, as teamnoir said, sexual fixation on an inanimate object: www.behavenet.com/capsules/...ishism.htm
      But that's clinical fetishism which isn't always what folks are referring to when they talk about fetishes. It's become a little more vague since it was adopted as a lifestyle rather than a diagnosis.

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