Hey mamas.
So, were any of you wild and crazy or at least just very desirous before motherhood or marriage, but then you lost a great deal of interest as soon as either of those roles entered your life? And does your partner feel just as desirous as ever, and you feel bad or guilty about not feeling the same way about sex as you used to? Do you beat yourself up for it? Do you wonder what happened to the "old" you? Is there a bit of discomfort in talking about sex with your partner or anyone?
I'd love to hear your thoughts/feelings/experiences about this. I just got off the phone with a girlfriend of mine who has felt all of these feelings for a long time, and I felt it as well in my marriage. it's an enormous cause for unhappiness and self-judgment, I think.
I'm newly separated, so I'm feeling all those crazy desirous feelings that were lacking in my marriage. But I know that having these feelings doesn't mean that you're unhappy in your marriage (like I did)... I know that mamas experience these feelings even with they're totally in love with their partners. It's like a part of us wants to be sexy and wild and free with our partners, but something is holding us back... what is it? Why?
Any thoughts?
So, were any of you wild and crazy or at least just very desirous before motherhood or marriage, but then you lost a great deal of interest as soon as either of those roles entered your life? And does your partner feel just as desirous as ever, and you feel bad or guilty about not feeling the same way about sex as you used to? Do you beat yourself up for it? Do you wonder what happened to the "old" you? Is there a bit of discomfort in talking about sex with your partner or anyone?
I'd love to hear your thoughts/feelings/experiences about this. I just got off the phone with a girlfriend of mine who has felt all of these feelings for a long time, and I felt it as well in my marriage. it's an enormous cause for unhappiness and self-judgment, I think.
I'm newly separated, so I'm feeling all those crazy desirous feelings that were lacking in my marriage. But I know that having these feelings doesn't mean that you're unhappy in your marriage (like I did)... I know that mamas experience these feelings even with they're totally in love with their partners. It's like a part of us wants to be sexy and wild and free with our partners, but something is holding us back... what is it? Why?
Any thoughts?
posted by:
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Los Angeles
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Re: single-woman sex vs. married/mama sex
Thu, February 1, 2007 - 8:49 PMyea -
i am a scorpio women, so i need sex like water.
but, i have always gone through PERIODS of feeling less desirous or less interested in sex. ...the only things that really cause this are
1) lack of sleep 2) being sick 3) too much work / stress (see #1)
This would usually change according to the way my lifestyle would ease up. As long as i was still interested in being intimate with my partner, my sex drive would come back if work eased up, or I was getting more sleep, etc.
Even now...i go through periods where i am just not in the mood. It has not been for an extended-extended time with my boyfriend, but we have only been together for two years. i imagine, at some point, there may be a longer and longer period that i am not as interested in having sex.
but i also think it depends a lot on the partnership.
its a very mental thing to keep yourself keen to experiencing pleasure. to remember that *both* people involved in the partnership need and deserve touch, love, release. its something you should WANT to share with your partner and if it goes away and does not come back, i think there is a problem. perhaps just intimacy issues.
and also something to talk about . talking helps so many things. i have felt guilty -- in past relationships -- and wondered about the "old" me but i guess i just realized it was normal. just SAYING ...hey , i wish i could, but i just don't feel like it....allows you to still connect and possibly be closer to feeling like doing it sooner than later.
I usually am so much more interested in sex after just laying in bed and snuggling and talking for a bit to connect, then let my mind wander to more fun things.
or, I find that i will not be in the mood at ALL, and if my boyfriend starts flirting with me, which he always does.... it really helps me to remain playful and interested in him .its sexy to me that he still is playful and fun with me, and i know at some time i may have to give that to him. He may STOP doing that for whatever reason, and i may have to remind him how much i love it, and how it really helps me.
other than that, maybe its just being with the right partner? someone who gets what you need. or...maybe its just knowing how to take care of yourself? dang, maybe its tantra! lol all i know is....losing sex drive seems pretty normal and also easy enough to figure out with the right person.
